Things that one should NOT put up with at all in any kind of relationship

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Ok I’m getting really sick and tired of you silly girls and your crazy ideas of unconditional love.

There are certain things that are simply not acceptable whether you are a guy or girl ..cheating, physical, emotional, and verbal abuse being on the top of that list.

It really scares me when I hear you girls talk about how if you love someone you will be able to forgive them of anything!? Loving someone is one thing.. In an ideal world it really should be unconditional and whole heartedly… but think of it this way certain people simply do not deserve you no matter how much you may care about them. Wouldn’t you rather love someone who actually appreciated and treated you as well as you did them?

Just because something is common does not make it right or acceptable! If you start thinking ‘oh, he didn’t mean it. It was an accident or he was just upset’ or whatever you’re gonna find yourself making excuses for that person for the rest of your life.

Man, the things some of you girls are willing to put up with are ridiculous!? You’re so nit picky about how a guy should look, how much money he’s got, his education, his career, how he dresses , how he talks and all that superficial crap and you completely ignore the most important thing of all!

How that person cares for you and treats you… and not only when everything is perfect and there are no problems but when everything is a mess and and you both don’t know what to do.

I dunno what it is with you women and your fairytale ideas of love and marriage where you selflessly sacrifice yourself and your dignity for the guy you love no matter how badly he may treat you.

I dunno whether it’s that old fashioned subservient mentality you are brainwashed with from the begining or if it’s the fact so much of this kind of mistreatment is so common and open in society that you just expect and accept it as normal?

2

I ain't changing myself for no one anymore. And yes, if he does something unacceptable, it's over - right there and then. Who says we women have to put up with that sort of crap?
Compromise is something else. I believe in compromise. But I do not believe in putting up with unreasonable demands or being okay with your man hitting you or cheating on you.

3

waqas

this is a complicated matter and applies to alll human relationships, not just the one between spouses

like for example, between friends

alhamdulillah most of my friends are very sweet girls but i've had two female friends who were a bit older than me and had a habit of passing mean comments to me, not controlling their tempers with me, or being very bossy...it was just part of their personality or maybe thats the dynamic of the relationship that had built between us...

personally, i always talk sweet to others and like others to be sweet to me too, i dont like the habit of teasing or passing mean/sarcastic comments coz i end up taking things to heart...

so it always made me feel bad when they'd say something mean to me or be bossy...they dint mean to be mean but to them this was normal...like one friend even used to order me around, like "give me that thing lying on the table" or "close the door" and so on...and it bothered me yet i'd just keep listening to her n not even show that it bothered me...

yet she was my friend and i appreciated our friendship, yet that part did bother me, and i used to keep getting bugged by it...but i kept quiet....and it built up resentment inside me...

i think i should have reacted earlier...coz its also hypocritical to keep something in ur heart but not say it...

one day i suddenly said something mean to her in response when she was mean to me...it just came out and i was surprised at myself...

but after that she has been more careful i think...and our relationship in fact has been better...

so u r right, sometimes we keep accepting things, and not even show it when something bothers us...we should show it tho...not in a bad manner but in a nice manner, but just let the other person know..otherwise how r they even going to know that something bothered us?

all that said, i do believe in forgiving mistakes and making relationships work and continue, rather than letting anything become the end of a relationship...

4

hasnt this topic beaten to death before?

Everyone has a different meaning of "love". For some, if they love someone, they can overlook the bad traits of someone and live with that. Some people cannot. We need to grow up, realise this and leave this topic alone. Everyone handles their buisness differently. No?

5

:hehe: true dat :smiley:

6

ditto :k:…

7

waqas72

humans are not machines as u perceive them to be.. there can not be strict black and white in relationships.. .. each person have +ve and -ve points.. some couples destroy their lives by not even giving other person a chance.. sometimes mere suspicion or circumstances lead to destruction.. how can we define cheating?merely looking at other sex or infidelity? how about verbal abuse.. may be someone say things when in tension or a adverse situation! from ur posts I am afraid u will be a very suspicious husband..

8

There are definitely things one should never have to put up with in a relationship such as abuse, cheating, etc. as described by Waqas. I think when one is in the thick of things, it is difficult to rationalize what is going on and you tend to seek other people's advice since they're looking at the situation from the outside and hopefully a more rational perspective. One needs to realize that if the person they're with is abusive, then considering the vast population of planet earth, there is DEFINITELY someone better out there who is actually "worthy" of the person being abused. What is unfortunate is that sadly statements such as the ones I make are perhaps meaningful to those that see it that way but mostly are ignored since as someone said above, we are not machines. We are emotional beings and even though it may seem like a piece of cake reading this, it is perhaps not as easy to exit such abusive relationships.

9

I wonder who would be willing to commit to an arrogant woman who threatens to leave you on your first mistake. Aisay to khuda bhi nhin kurta

10

hate to admit it but I m willing to put up with him at least thrice before I make the final decision of leaving him. It ain't that easy. / easy to say than do
I have said enough about this topic
for more, please read TJ's thread

11

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Fayz: *
I wonder who would be willing to commit to an arrogant woman who threatens to leave you on your first mistake. Aisay to khuda bhi nhin kurta
[/QUOTE]

men that can control their hormones...plus women arent God so shouldnt expect them to forgive either
I totally agree with HUMSA

mahnoor still dont get where u get the heart to say that :-s
have you ever been in a serious relationship?
(dont have to answer if u dont want to :p)

12

If all men who cheated or got caught cheating were divorced then this world would be full of singles. :-)

13

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by ~Tikhi Jalebi~: *
mahnoor still dont get where u get the heart to say that :-s
have you ever been in a serious relationship?
(dont have to answer if u dont want to :p)
[/QUOTE]
no never been in a serious relationship :p but I m still sticking with my three chance theory

14

Mahnoor, three is kind of cute..I say you make it 3.5 ..cuz sometimes its not the guy’s fault…he is just lured into sin

15

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Fayz: *
If all men who cheated or got caught cheating were divorced then this world would be full of singles. :-)
[/QUOTE]

so u mean to say all men cheat? That is a scary thought, I always had faith in 0.05% of the male populace. :p

And about arrogant women, hitting or cheating is certainly not a small mistake, every woman deserves better than that even if she is arrogant.

16

well if love is unconditional, then how the hell r u gonna leave him? which brings up the question that is love unconditional? and if it is then did u ever really love him? and if yes then, can love ever be ended? if no then how do u know ur in love the next time u "think" u r in love, cuz thats what u thought teh first time, and then u found out u weren't. so then could u be making the same mistake again? could i just be really hungry, and thast why im saying all this? maybe i should just go eat some chicken wings now, and shut up, cuz i've confused u all like hell.

17

I hate to burst your bubble but you will be surprised…’Nice guys’ are a rare find ...If you find one then hang on to him like grim death. Therefore, arrogance is not advised. :-)
(ok I will laugh later but I’m sure I’ve already made some Pakistani girls even more paranoid) :-)

18

You certainly have Fayz. :bummer:

19

fayz: yeah, if I do find a rare gem or whatever, I will try not to be arrogant. Like humsa said, compromise is acceptable and a must, but putting up with nonsense like physical,verbal,mental abuse and cheating is stupidity on your part.

20

women bash men for not having their libido in check etc etc.. what they forget is that 'most' men cheat on their women with other women... why don't women see any blame on the "other woman" and their hormones etc.