We know people have expectations from others in relationships…and usually having unrealistic expectations leads to lots of problems…
The usual topic under discussion here is about the Marriage…
The husband and wife have expectations (including unrealistic ones) which, if not met, cause so much problem..
What are the things that husband SHOULD NOT EXPECT from his wife…like if he gets these things out of his mind…his married life will be ‘heavenly’…and other problems are minimised too.. because its these expectations from the husband that put wive’s at difficult position and make them uneasy etc..
Simple bulleted points would be easier to understand..
so far from the discussions i have seen…the ladies deem the following as things that husband should not expect from wife…
To be of any help in taking care of the husband’s parents
To live in a house in which the husband’s family resides… a separate house is essential
To expect wife to take care of the kitchen/chores etc etc (its not a woman’s duty…if she does it..its her favor only)
Not expect the wife to agree to his viewpoint about her staying at home or having a career or any change in her career path etc
Not expect her to change or alter her personal style/dressing etc (it causes her to lose her individuality and identity)
**NOTE- **The thread is about what husband should not expect from his wife…its not about what wife’s expectations…that is another topic requiring a separate thread…
P.S… its a serious question…no sarcastic personal insults please..
There is sometimes a fine line between "expect" and "demand." If he has an expectation or wish that she has a generous and cooperative nature and these specific listed "expectations" listed above follow from that, then sure he can want her to be his help-mate and partner and to work WITH him in making their joint life a happy one.
If on the other hand, he abdicates all personal responsibility and doesn't return the spirit of cooperation, then those expectations or wishes come across as demands and would be perceived as inequitable. It's a give and take relationship and context is EVERYTHING!
He should not expect her to stay loyal. She may go have an affair with her first love. She may cheat on him at least emotionally. I have noticed on GS a lot more women cheat emotionally on their spouses than men.
He should not expect a home like his mom and dad provided for him. Different generation different views on what constitutes a safe able home.
He should not expect marriage life to be smoother or easier compared to being single. Being single in some cases would be better.
well iv always wondered whats not right to do in terms of sex. can a husband expect everythin.
Well speaking from a religious point of view. Everything but backdoor entry is pretty much go. But ofcourse with things that are permissible, the woman has the right to be comfortable with any act she performs with her partner. He cannot force her into anything at all.
husband should not expect her to do any work. She has every right to sit at home and do nothing. If she wishes to do any work at home, she is doing him a favor!
To be of any help in taking care of the husband's parents
Yes - it comes under husband's responsibilities - same as taking care of your wife's parent comes under her or her siblings' obligations .
One should either spend his own time in looking after his parents or if he can afford get them professional help .
And if your wife helps you there - you should be obliged !
To live in a house in which the husband's family resides... a separate house is essential
Well if you can afford - then you should live in a separate house - I dont think any woman mind you and your kids visiting your parents on weekly or even daily basis , if they live around !
And it really needs two to tango - so if your family /parents/siblings are educated and sensible enough to avoid pety issues , i dont see a reason why she cant live with them .
Strangely i have met few women in me life , who actually prefer to live under joint family system as it some how helps them running their own careers simultaneously ! My own sisters are examples I can happily quote here !
To expect wife to take care of the kitchen/chores etc etc (its not a woman's duty...if she does it..its her favor only)
It is indeed a favor - enough said !
Not expect the wife to agree to his viewpoint about her staying at home or having a career or any change in her career path etc
There is always room for discussion , again I cant comprehend why they both cannot reach to a decision with mutual agreement .
Being stubborn is a different ball game , you can't help any one there but one should respect the individuality of other person .
Not expect her to change or alter her personal style/dressing etc (it causes her to lose her individuality and identity)
why mold some one with force - if they really care about you , they will start wearing colors and styles you like , to unintentionally make you happy - and believe me, people do really that !
if you cant make them do that .. Then the problems is with you matey bhoy , not with them !
I think most of the mentioned things are a shared responsibility for both and the problems arise when one party expects the other to do it all and not bother the other.
A woman does not become less of a person if she covers up more, cooks for her family or takes care of her husband's parents. She does, however, when she is the only one doing it and eventually people begin to think of those things as her purpose. A man does not become less of a man when he washes a few plates in his kitchen or changes some diapers or cuts onions for the evening dinner.
Its a give and take Nomi. The feelings of resentment develop when a partner's identity is lost among pots and pans. I think a topic like this deserves some serious attention. If you are going to be married someday, you would hope your wife is happy with you, otherwise its pointless.
There shouldnt be a list like the above of "what to expect and what not to from your wife". In fact, there should never be a list, period.
There shouldnt be a list like the above of "what to expect and what not to from your wife". In fact, there should never be a list, period. You do what you can to help each other, thats it.
You are talking idealism here...'should not be'.....but i think there are some ground rules which,if you get clear from the get go, let you have things easy......correct me if i am wrong....
.but are you saying that its not true that
the things i listed are usually expected by husbands..and womenfolk don't like these things??
-Quit work/career. There are many reasons why I want to work. It's almost a necessity to me.
-Different (moral) standards for him and me. Can't keep male friends? I actually will do that for you, but only if you do the same for me. And similar things.
-Treating our male and female children unfairly. Allowing boys more leeway than girls. Neither will I do it nor will I ever be ok with him doing it. And thankfully it's not happening so much in the newer generations.
