I came upon this article and thought it was so true! What are some comments you get that annoy you??
- “Just relax!”
Typically, the people who say this never dealt with infertility. Not to mention, this just makes me stress more! I wish people would be supportive instead.
**What to say back: **“I dont’ think relaxing will lower my FSH levels. Thanks though.”
- “It will happen once you stop trying.”
It’s not as easy as being able to just stop trying. You can’t just stop trying to have a family. It’s much better to say something encouraging like, ‘How can I help you through this?
What to Say Back: “Really? I thought you *did *have to have sex to make a baby!”
- “You don’t look infertile!”
Infertility strikes all types of people – it doesn’t discriminate based on physical appearances. The best thing people can do is ask how they can be supportive. The answer will be different for each person, but it’s nice to know someone is there for you.
What to Say Back: “Well *you *do.” (Okay, we know you won’t really say this. But admit it – you’ll be thinking it!)
4.** “It’s a sign that you and your husband woudn’t make healthy babies together.”**
Instead of hurtful statements like this, I think the best kind of support comes from friends and family who remember when your treatments are and text you afterward to see if you want to talk. Sometimes I don’t want to talk about it, but it’s nice to know they’re there for me.
What to Say Back: “That’s a really horrible thing to say.”
- “Wouldn’t you rather just settle for being the cool aunt?”
It’s important to remember that most of us are in a heightened state of awareness – we see babies and pregnant women *everywhere *we turn. Add hormones to the mix, and it’s easy to get into troubled water if anyone says even the slightest thing wrong.
What to Say Back: “I wouldn’t call it ‘settling,’ but no, I actually want my own children.”
- “Both of you should lose weight. Then you’ll get pregnant for sure.”
That one hurt! I think it’s best to not say anything at all and just lend a listening ear.
What to Say Back: “We’re trying…in the bedroom, that is!”
- “Don’t worry; you’re young!”
I wish that people would say, ‘It’s great that you want to start a family!
What to Say Back: “Yeah, imagine how much harder it could be when I get older!”
- “I tried for two weeks and BAM, I got pregnant.”
I’d love for people to not feel the need to tell me about how easy it was for them. It’s irrelevant.
What to Say Back: “Well, we don’t all have it that easy.”
- “If you’re this stressed about TTC, you’ll never to able to handle the stress of being a mom.”
Hugs are way better than this.
What to Say Back: “I’d love that kind of stress.”
- “Do you pray?”
I don’t mind if friends or family say they’re praying for me, but asking me if I pray made me very uncomfortable.
What to Say Back: “Yes, but would you mind *also *praying for me?”
11.** “Just stop all those fancy treatments - it will happen naturally!”**
Instead, I really appreciate when people say things like ‘*when *you are parents’ or ‘*when *you are pregnant.’ It offers hope.
What to Say Back: “It’s *not *happening naturally.”
- “Oh, your husband shoots blanks?”
Um, not exactly. Thank you for your kind words about a very difficult situation! Luckily, I have a great support system. One of my best friends has also struggled with IF, and we have an unspoken rule that we don’t ask about it unless the other brings it up. Some days you just don’t want to talk about it.
What to Say Back: “Do you want to know how big it is, too?”
13.** “You’re so lucky that you dont have to deal with morning sickness or labour!”**
I don’t think *anyone *enjoys puking their brains out, but suggesting that I should be grateful that I don’t have to deal with those things is insensitive.
What to Say Back: “No one likes getting sick, but if that’s what comes with pregnancy, sign me up!”
at the comeback and what people say to you. I think I have gotten all of them at some point whether I was TTC or not.
to all those trying …
