Re: The Truth About Why Men Cheat
Don't be stressed amir saheb. This is a debate....not a matter of life and death.
Re: The Truth About Why Men Cheat
Muzana
sorry i could not get back earlier. had a busy really busy day just got back now. It wil take me more than 5-10 mins to properly address your questions, and now its late so I cant do it now but i promise i will tomorow.
IM not scared.
Re: The Truth About Why Men Cheat
OK lets see.
Muzna, ill answer them now, but ill keep brief becoz then ppl say your obsessed.
If a woman is serious about taking control of her man then she has some very big issues with her own personality, maturity and level of self-worth.
Neither woman nor man should control the other in a marriage. It is supposed to be a partnership.....and that is precisely how Allah has meant it to be.
That is right Muzna. But c'mon by control i mean some security/dicipline. There are limits in every kind of relatinship. You know i dont mean by control as in literally controlling them. And dnt mind but look at Anjana's recent thread. Its obvious her and family was decent, educated; but look her husband had weaknesses to which he gave in too.
So tell me amir saheb....if your wife was giving you the attention would that eliminate that natural tendency towards polygamy that you keep insisting exists?
If this is an inherent tendency.....how could it be extinguished?
In all your posts you are constantly reiterating that this is the nature of man and that this is how Allah decreed it to be. Provided we assume that position is accurate and valid, if a man cannot himself overcome this nature towards multiple partners then how will a woman's attention eliminate it?
The answer here is Muzna. Belive it or not; women can control(influence) thier husbands. If 'that' urge is strong then the urge for love and affection is too very strong. For me all i know is that If i had a very loving and caring wife. And she made it clear to me how shes fears for me and it is so important for her to not cheat cos she loves me so much etc. I would sacrifice everything for her. Every body needs true love. If one wife has so much quality, i dont need the quantity. Muzna we as humans go thru constant wordly bombardment daily, that conituonusly weakens are defecnes/iman. We equally need regular 'strengthning', training/reminders, relgious inputs etc.
Furthermore.....based on your reference to historical personalities your comment now begs the question that if such pious and disciplined men could not curb their tendencies, how will a mere woman's attention ensure that he does not stray?
Well. I think they did have high tendencies but were also respectful to thier wives. If thier wives really requested them to be loyal to them and not go for another girl unless aboslutly neccesery then they would have. Most of Nabi-Pak additional women derived from neccesery requiring circumstances from the ladies side. and once he was married to them, he had to give each one equal rights and attention.
Regarding H.Ali and his slave girl. I think his wife was not happy with it. But i think out of respect for wife, he still kept a slave girl who he was close with but refrained from s.activity.
Regarding the group of sahabies at the war expedition, who came to nabi-pak complaining of extreme frustration due to not having thier wives at hand, and were allowed to do muta. Well thats one situation i cannot answer. although nabi pak was in the process of banning the common and sick 'muta' pratice of that time, he allowed it there, because the sahabies were so desperate and nabi-pak feared less they commit adultery.
I also belive that these were guys who had such weakness, whom if had been helped and trained by thier wives beforehand they would have stood much better chance falling prey to thier nafs.
The main thing is AWARENESS. Once you are aware of somebodies weakness/vulnerability you can take many steps to protect it. I,e the wives could have gone to the war place with them (and this was not uncommon, as in some wars women wer used as medics).
What lack of deterrents? Do you live in a society where adultery is not frowned upon? Is a man that breaks the matrimonial pledge not considered to be less than honorable in your community?
Muzna, by lack of deterrent I mean. The way men have more freedom and less dishnour endowed to them by society if they were found with an oppsoite sex comapred to a girls. Yes adultery is extremly frowned upon. But the truth is Muzna, a lot of men cheat thier wives in pakistan and thier wives just can do much. These men cheat because of they know the are MEN.
Sorry muzna. The adultery crime, and zina crime, has less effet on people where these punhiments r not excercissed. and somtimes urges surpass or fool morals/logic. example: A person with diabetes takes a bit of chocolate cake thinking oh its only a small bite, and actuallyt bit by bit eventually ends up eating the whole cake.
Dont u remeber H.Adam and how shaytaan tempted him to eat from the tree he very well knew *he must never eat from*.
So what you are saying is that generally speaking men are not afraid to face the consequences of their actions on the day of judgement before Allah. Correct?
They are Muzna. But like i said temptation and urges somtimes blur the mind form being able to think straight.
And ther is even scientific proof coming out now to support the religious ones, that when a man is attracted to a girl, it temporarily decreases his intelligence/rational temporarily.
This is very true......
Lot of people also think they will ask for repentance and forgivenes in due time.