Who cares why men cheat? Why do the ladies need to know that their men cheat because they lack emotional support from their women? So that the women can feel like they must try harder to get the men to do what they should be doing anyway?
These articles are crap - may be they need to write more about how they can help men overcome their cheating abnormalities instead of 'enlightening' the womenfolk of their cheating habbits.
"overcome their cheating abnormalities": How can you ever over come cheating? When one person is not treating the other right (hubby or wife) and fullfiling their needs for months or years, like having no emotional support, what can you do? What if you HAVE talked about it with one another, what if the other person is just not getting it? And if it was that easy to overcome or even have the steps to overcome, don't you think it would have been talked about by now?
There is this mental stage which comes over them, where the victim in the marriage becomes blind, and will do anything just to talk to someone who will listen, and with that naturally comes sex. It sounds very ignorable for the victim, but when their partner is the reason of their pain, it is very hard to ignore.
I don't find anything wrong with reading such articles, and learning on how to make your marriage better. You can NEVER overcome cheating but you CAN make both of your chances less, by understanding eachother.
Re: The Truth About Why Men Cheat
"overcome their cheating abnormalities": How can you ever over come cheating? When one person is not treating the other right (hubby or wife) and fullfiling their needs for months or years, like having no emotional support, what can you do? What if you HAVE talked about it with one another, what if the other person is just not getting it? And if it was that easy to overcome or even have the steps to overcome, don't you think it would have been talked about by now?
There is this mental stage which comes over them, where the victim in the marriage becomes blind, and will do anything just to talk to someone who will listen, and with that naturally comes sex. It sounds very ignorable for the victim, but when their partner is the reason of their pain, it is very hard to ignore.
I don't find anything wrong with reading such articles, and learning on how to make your marriage better. You can NEVER overcome cheating but you CAN make both of your chances less, by understanding eachother.
Are you saying that because a partner feels emotionally neglected in a relationship, they can cheat?
You called cheating a mental stage where someone 'becomes blind', is that not an abnormality to you?
What is hard to ignore?
Oh and this is exactly what I mean - girls resorting to silly articles and thinking they can better their marriage though them. Oh and what do you mean you can never overcome cheating?
Are you saying that because a partner feels emotionally neglected in a relationship, they can cheat?
Its NEVER okay to cheat, but there is a possibility! And the whole point of my first post to you was, WHY IS THERE NEGLECTANCE, it does not matter who is doing it but WHY? Its your partner, if they cannot come to you then who are they to go to????
You called cheating a mental stage where someone 'becomes blind', is that not an abnormality to you?
No its not abnormal, but its the stress and fear that you have that no one in this world that you can be with, but at the same time your married. I have seen many women go through this, and it does not mean they have an abnormality, but its the fact they have no much inside of them which starts to make them blind in their future decisions.
BY ignoring I mean, the victim, controlling themself, while they are under stress for a long period of time.
Over coming cheating? I don't get that phrase. How can you EVER say that my marriage is soo perfect, that neither one of us would do anything like this? How can you write it in stone, when you do not know what is in store for your future? SO all you can do is lessen the chance for eachother.
Re: The Truth About Why Men Cheat
Why do they cheat? The 'why' question is very, very subjective Gaia and there is nothing that can justify the 'why' so let's forget about the 'why', okay. It's all about *what *- and that is cheating. If cheating happens, it's sheer stupidity to try and figure out the 'why' question - it happened, it's done - deal with it and that's all you, fellow guppan, can do.
The 'why' part is out of your control entirely, completely, one hundred percent. Don't think an article can make you feel like you have control over that 'why' question in anyway, shape or form. Or that you might be able to do something to prevent someone else from cheating.
Re: The Truth About Why Men Cheat
we can justify women cheating all we want...its still just as wrong when a man cheats.
Why do they cheat? The 'why' question is very, very subjective Gaia and there is nothing that can justify the 'why' so let's forget about the 'why', okay. It's all about *what *- and that is cheating. If cheating happens, it's sheer stupidity to try and figure out the 'why' question - it happened, it's done - deal with it and that's all you, fellow guppan, can do.
The 'why' part is out of your control entirely, completely, one hundred percent. Don't think an article can make you feel like you have control over that 'why' question in anyway, shape or form.** Or that you might be able to do something to prevent someone else from cheating**.
Clearly an article(s) can't solve anything, its about how and if you apply it to your life style.
I'm not asking you or anyone else to read/memorize/ apply to your life, I can care less, its just a freakin article. So its not that serious!!!
Amir-
Adultery is adultery and nothing more and nothing less, no matter what anyone says!
The principal I live by and something I think Islam is all about is you hurt no one, for your own good. So if "adultery" is allowed in Islam (lets say during war time, TODAY), then that man WILL HURT HIS WIFE by expressing his needs to another woman, therefore I believe he has done something which is haram. Becuase there is no way you can tell me that he broke his wife's heart and still does not have to pay for it.
P.S. This is not some personal attack on you, these are just questions i'm asking!
Gaia dumbo.
I completely agree with all your post. The intention of my post was not to justify mans polygamy/promiscuity pratcies, but to make awarenes sof the truth which is that this sickness may have been rooted from thier nature, as opposed to just preferances or carelessness for thier wifes/gf.s.
I have come across strong relgious and scientific literature that (unfortunetly) say mans nature has indeed been created polygamous.
One of the scientfic components recently came from a top Cambridge Biology professor.
I was shocked when i came across both these assertions.
And I feel very emphatetic towards women in this regard.
Personally if its true, I find it sick. Its not emotionally fair on women, and neither on the single lady loyalty intent minded men like myself, who have to tolerate the jealousy of other men legally enjoying multiple booties.
And because there are so many social problems and cases relating to mens infidilty, I am intriueged, and curious that is this widespread problem indeed related mens naf.
I mean something that is instintual is hard to control, and if it is is, then no wonder why so many of even most mature and intelligent many fall prey to it.
Relative to this, The best way to assess any theory relating to humans intrinsic nature is to go back and compare its prevailence from the beginning.
And as all the Prophets (pbuh), and thier companions have always been the ideal humans for us to follow and learn from, there would be no better subjects going back to assess human nature and appropriate social behaviors from them themself.
Gaia, I did not initially want to post unfavourable actions and truths about the pious people, and I mentioned this in an earlier thread, but due to the provoking confusion of women in that thread, where other women like yourself asked me to enlighten what i knew of it from the religious viewpoint, I am having to do this.
Fizza, I have not portrayed anything inaccurate or out of context, and tried to do it as respectfully and objectivly as I could.
You misunderstood my intent, and I shall clarify this by specifically addressing your post after.
Meanwhile :
Ladies all im trying to show is That the reason why there are so many cheating men, men resorting to multiple partners despite initial perfect spouses, maybe is because this sick Polygamousness is a part and a parcel of the way we stupid men are made.
My only intent is to show a possible truth, awareness and some answer to this such common women effecting phenomenon.
I dont wish to discredit pious people by any means. Just illustrating parts of thier life that seem to support the manly polygamous nature theory.
Not saying anything out of context...if wanted to do that....they is waaaaay more facts I could post. :)
Amir I was in no way attacking you, but furthering out opinions:). But my real question is:
*If **men weren't able to control themselves *then, how can we expect men to control themselves *now *?
^Just something to think about! I'm just going along the Islamic history.
And I do believe that ALLAH does not want to make women go through jealousy becuase of the actions on their men, however, its US(men and women) who have maybe understood the rules wrong.
"unfavourable actions" Just becuase they might not be favourable to most women, that does not mean, WE WOMEN and men should NOT read about it or even try to understand it in depth!
Add i'm gonna add something, and I might get bashed for it, but lets see: And before I say it, i'm not some woman hater either.
Also I DO understand, that men should and do have control, over their needs, but too an extent!
^And if you can't understand the "extent" part well your an idiot.
Now with that said, with the rights and all that ALLAH has given to men, ALLAH has also given lots of power to women. One of many being, having control over your man!!! I believe to the fullest, if women use their power in the proper manner, men would never cheat.
Now someone is gonna "why should women have to do all the work, why can't men just control themselves."
^well this plays in with the fact that men DO parctice their rights(more wives, or back then: the "special" adultery) So why don't women try to practice their own rights over a man? Last time I check, the way ALLAH has made a man, if the wife gets a grip on him, makes him happy at home in all manners, why the hell would he want to go out for another wife, or even cheat? If she loves and does actions to show the love, believe me everyday he's gonna be running back to her, to be in HER arms.
I don't know about your moms, but my mom always said "beti, its in your hands to make a your marriage work!!!" Which is true, without us women, men can't survive even a day.
I think women forget, that we have the upper hand (no offence men :)) to make a marriage work. As soon as you get that grip on him, he is gonna be all over you, and thats where you both are working at the marriage!!
This excludes jack asses, who think they were ment to be the REAL or even the Islamic versions of Hugh Hefner
And let me add, i'm not saying women should do all the work, both the hubby and the wife need to put their effort into a marriage, but the upper hand is with the woman.
ANDDDD....let the bashing begin :).....
The Hadith of Ghadir Khumm is narrated in Sahih Bukhari (volume 5, Book 59 Number 637):Narrated Buraida:
The Prophet sent Ali to Khalid to bring the Khumus (of the booty) and I hated Ali, and Ali had taken a bath (after a sexual act with a slave-girl from the Khumus). I said to Khalid, “Don’t you see this (i.e. Ali)?” When we reached the Prophet, I mentioned that to him. He (the Prophet) said, “O Buraida! Do you hate Ali?” I said, “Yes.” He said, “Do you hate him, for he deserves more than that from the Khumlus.”
And another thing is this hadith which illustrates how H.Ali had sex with a girl that was awarded from a war booty to him as his slave, that other co-sahabies were irritated by.
Personal note; I do wonder if the pious sahabies could be irritated by it, how much Alis wife H.Fatima could have been.
The hadith I quoted earlier on H.Fatimas anger againt H.Ali for having relations with his slave girl, and leaving for her fathers home in anger, I think was from a Shia source.
However, we know the facts which are that the Prophets wives, were extremly possesive about him, and there are many a hadiths on H.Aisha indicating this.
There is even a verse of koran was revealed specifcally scolding a certain act of jealousy of H.Aisha against the Prophet and another wife of his.
It is well-known H.Aisha was one of the most pious ladies of islam.
So it seems reasonable to assume H.Fatima would posses the same charecteristics,of possesivnes towards her Husband, and she would not have been happy discovering he had been promiscuous.
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 13o:
Narrated 'Abdullah:
We used to participate in the holy battles led by Allah’s Apostle and we had nothing (no wives) with us. So we said, “Shall we get ourselves castrated?” He forbade us that and then allowed us to marry women with a temporary contract (2) and recited to us: – ‘O you who believe ! Make not unlawful the good things which Allah has made lawful for you, but commit no transgression.’ (5.87)
Fizzat,
The ^ way the sahabies came to the Prophet (pbuh) and said they want to castrate themselves since they cannot bear being away form thier wives and how the prophet was forced to allow them to do ‘Muta’ (temporay marriage), with girls additonal to thier real wives, I dont think ther is any other explanation apart from that they could not control themself.
And I hope you understand having sex with another women is a major thing and not an activity as small and comparbale to having an odd glass of wine or odd gambling session.
The Prophet (pbuh) was also rather sexual:
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 6:
Narrated Anas:
The Prophet used to go round (have sexual relations with) all his wives in one night, and he had nine wives.
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 17:
Narrated Jabir bin ‘Abdullah:
When I got married, Allah’s Apostle said to me, “What type of lady have you married?” I replied, "I have married a matron’ He said, “Why, don’t you have a liking for the virgins and for fondling them?” Jabir also said: Allah’s Apostle said, "Why didn’t you marry a young girl so that you might play with her and she with you?’
Once again, I am not trying to tarnish the reputation of these people to whos foot dust I am not even comparable to.
I am only trying to show some other truths from thier lives to support and illustrate mans commonly shunned extreme sexual inclinations and possible polygamous nature.
We can see clearly in the above hadiths, how sexual these most pious people were, where having the chance to have sex with other ladies, despite having wives, they did not reject.
And these people were the most pious ever. Now all im saying is still being so pious they either; did not try controlling or could not control thier attraction for the sake of thier wives.
And we know how in those times women were also same in terms of emotions and possesivenss as todays women.
Now what would you call this? In modern times times you would call men going for halal or non-halal extra women as perverted, selfish, or cheaters wouldnt you.
If the polygamous manly nature theory is firm, then it is clear theat men were able to legally satisfy these instincts in previous times, but not in modern times, but the instinct is still there, which might explain the mass no of heart-breaking promiscuity cases occuring nowadays.
, and other people I have portayed everything in context.
I am only portraying and using these hadiths and facts to help the purpose of the thread.
I am not using them unneceserily.
And for your info, as You seem rather verseds in relgion, I would like you to tell me what does religion say about man sexual nature.
Poly or Mono gamous?
Gaia you madea ratehr controversial comment saying the women who get cheated are most liekly the ones who dont look after thier men.
In some cases, it could be women mis-estimate and then accordingly give less then optimal importance to thier spouses sexual internal makeup.
Sometimes men even themselvs arnt aware till its too late.
Some women do try thier best, and some dont, but the thing is if a dogs tail is made bent, no mater what you do it is going to stay bent.
I dont know for sure it man is definitly created to be Polygamous by Allah, still researching.
But if he is. Then we do have a problem.
I dont know for sure it man is definitly created to be Polygamous by Allah, still researching. But if he is. Then we do have a problem.
Even if you are able to confirm by some means that a man's nature is to be polygamous; Allah's guidance suggests that you must strive to adhere to the values that have been taught and not give in to nature......
Even if you are able to confirm by some means that a man's nature is to be polygamous; Allah's guidance suggests that you must strive to adhere to the values that have been taught and not give in to nature......
Totally Agree! Other than sexual urges, human beings also have many other INNATE urges. The "innateness" or "naturalness" of the urges should not be used as justification for the disregard of moral values.
Re: The Truth About Why Men Cheat
i just dont see anything wrong with polygamy...
y do women hv issues...
and dt too in our culture only.. no such insecurities ..not at all in middle-eastern,afrikan and indonesian regions. wives live like sisters there. i know coz i was brought up in middle-east. Do we take this from Hindu dominent traditions in Indo-pak due our times together.
Marrying again does nt deductively mean cheating on the frst..
Are reasons fr marriage different for Men and different fr Women??
if ur gonna get a cheating jusband then it is written in ur kismat na dhtere is nothing u can do about it except try to lure him back twrds u..instead of telling him to go 2 hell and breaking ur home..casue even if u do leave him the world is not a nice place for a divorced paksitani owman..better to try to resolve the issue..nd forgive him..man r more rone to such mistakes i think..woman should be more kind and foriving nature and soon he will realize the error of his wayz and the woman will get her place injannat too bcs allah wills e how patient she was and how hard she tried ot keep her home..
Re: The Truth About Why Men Cheat
I've known several cases where men started cheating on their wives, it was mostly due to the lack of satisfaction after they had given birth or because they wouldn't be willing to do certain stuff in bed. Mostly the girl with who they cheated on their spouses was much younger and naiive if not stupid enough to let herself be taken advantage of...
I think they must have made promises such as "I will leave my wife" blablabla...Ridiculous liars. I would have wanted to see their reaction if their wives had cheated on them...hellbreak loose...Still none of them will ever leave their wife, everyone knows how divorces are regarded...it's quite a complicated issue and deep inside those wives MUST KNOW their husbands remain unfaithful, most of them have been cheating for years...
I mean marriage in Islam is not only about sex, but since some of those marriages were arranged I could imagine they've had troubles with their wives to begin with. Still there is no reason to cheat once she has given birth to YOUR child.
In my opinion it's quite a common thing amongst Pakistani/Desi people living in Germany to cheat, heck I even have friends from Morocco and Egypt who said "Pakistanis treat their wives terribly, they can NEVER be faithful"...is it the norm in UK and US aswell?
Re: The Truth About Why Men Cheat
Totally Agree! Other than sexual urges, human beings also have many other INNATE urges. The "innateness" or "naturalness" of the urges should not be used as justification for the disregard of moral values.
R.V, I was not justifying mens cheating practices due to my assertion they are polygamous.
I am strictly against this.
I was just trying to present some sort of answer to why this case is so widespread.
You must understand if what religion says about womens nature being monogamous and men nature being polygamous is true, then you should accordingly understand men are more prone to it than women.
Im not suporting or justifying cheating, just trying to help by raising awareness of the possible truth, that women here could benefit from the knowledge of.
I mean I also until recently thought that both men and women were created equally and monogamus.
I have just shown above that many of the most pious men who were too probably meant to be the ideal of husbands, did many a time not control/could not control thier polygamous desires for the sake of thier wives.
Therefore it is not that helpful trying to point back to such people as ideal examples to todays men of 'self-control'.
Maybe, males have indeed been created with extreme sexual urges/attraction to the opposite sex.
And maybe accordingly the so great emphasis on women covering up and observing hijab.
Im not again justifying the behaviour, only araising awareness and knowledge for womens benefit..
In olden times it was much easier for a man to get additional women to satisfy his - if additional instincts-.
In todays time, it is not as easy to do so, but disproportiontely if the perverted urges are still remaining, some men will inevitably be found excercising them.
I do pray to Allah to give all us modern men the taufeeq maintain one wife loyalty.
Re: The Truth About Why Men Cheat
amir, how do you have the stamina to write so much?
Re: The Truth About Why Men Cheat
I dont...but you have to address peoples points properly and broadly.
going now
Amir, I wasn't even talking to you in my above post in the first place. I was only agreeing with Muzna's ideas.
And I know that you're on a mission to inform everyone that men are naturally more prone to cheating. You're not sharing a novel idea. Most women are already aware of this based on either personal experiences or stories they've heard from others or in the media.
I've never seen any other guy **on GS **harp on and on and on and on and on and on and on about men and their natural difficulty in controlling their urges and their polygamous inclinations. By repeatedly doing so...........you're conveying an image of yourself to others irrespective of whether or not you condone the polygamous inclinations.
For example, if one talks about stealing **ALL **the time...........but also says that he does not condone or justify stealing.............people will start to wonder what is wrong with this individual who can't seem to stop talking about stealing and is obsessed with the topic. You don't seem to realize that do you? Impressions and images are created not only in person.....but on public forums as well.
My previous post was not confined to sexual urges and polygamous inclinations. I was speaking in a **very broad sense **that one has innate/natural urges for a lot of things, but that does not justify disregarding your moral compass and consideration for others.
We all have the natural urge to to poop and pee...........but we don't need to discuss our toilet activities with the public frequently. Many of us also have the natural urge to get very angry when we've been hurt/offended.............but that doesn't mean we should beat up our offender. There is such a thing as boundaries **and having regard for others*. And before you **ONCE AGAIN **harp on and on and on and on about how you are not trying to justify polygamy...........*I never said you were, **so it's unnecessary to even make that point again. All I said was that people have boundaries and common sense along with "natural" inclinations.