I made a large effort above in clarifying myself.
"If a girl goes round dressing in a provokative way and somone duely gets provoked and tries on her, she is also to blame."
It is the responsibility of a woman to dress modestly for her own self-respect and safety. And if she's not dressed modestly........she's not fulfilling her responsibility. BUT she can't be "blamed" for being assaulted. There's a difference between personal responsibility and exceeding your limits to harm another person.
There are cases of women (desi women) who were modestly dressed (not wearing provocative clothing) and were molested/raped by men. So are these women still to blame for being irresistibly beautiful even when they are fully clothed? There are countless stories of innocent little girls (whose bodies have not even fully developed into womanly forms) and they have been molested by men in their families. Are these little girls to blame for the womanly beauty/form that they don't even have yet?
Sure, I understand the concept of a "team-effort" of the men lowering the gaze and the women observing modesty in their attire.
But what is the worst evil here? Is it a bigger gunnah to dress provocatively.........or is it a bigger gunnah to rape someone? We were never told that this life will not be full of temptations. But you can't blame the temptations for committing a sin. Allah held Adam and Eve accountable for committing the sin of eating what was forbidden. Although shaitan tempted them with thoughts/words.......the sin was committed by them.
Let's say someone says something really really really mean to you. And you punch him in the face. Who crossed the line? Who committed the bigger gunnah? The other person might have provoked you with their words........BUT YOU.......ALWAYS had the choice to either walk away or only fight back with words. YOU had the choice to not fight with your hands..............but you made the decision to use physical violence anyways. And once you put your hands on someone...........even if it is a provocatively dressed female............YOU are to blame. You would be the one who committed a crime not the girl. If you have a problem with alcohol addiction and you hang around a bar........that is YOUR fault. Because you always have the option to walk away. If you touch a tempting bottle of alcohol sitting in front of you.......it's still YOUR fault because you have the option of leaving. You can't blame the bottle for capturing your attention when you could have taken measures to distract yourself. Regardless of how a woman is dressed, the** GREATER RESPONSIBILITY rests upon U to stay within your limits and not assault that woman or commit an extra-marital affair. ** And as I said earlier, there are men who don't even control themselves around women who are decently dressed.
No matter what a person says to you.....no matter how they are dressed..............does not give you the right to justify losing control of yourself and touching that person.
Women do want to be found attractive by men just like men want to be found attractive by women. Some women go about getting male attention in the wrong way. But NO woman wants to be raped and no wife wants to be cheated on regardless of how "tempted" a guy might be by women. **ACTIONS **SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS AND VISUALS! And there is no excuse strong enough to justify the actions of assault or cheating on your spouse.
Men and women can BOTH gossip. I know women who are good at controlling their tongues and make the effort not to gossip and try not to encourage others either. So.........there **ARE **women who can control their tongues. There **IS **a harm in gossiping. It is wrong for you to assume that women don't see the harm in gossiping. Many women are aware of the Islamic consequences for gossiping and they know that it is a gunnah.........and some women use this point to try and control themselves.
Similarly men can try and make the effort to control themselves as well. It's foolish for BOTH GENDERS to say that "this is in my nature. I see no harm in it. So I shall continue it."