the trouble with picking the "perfect" date

Lifestyle Relationships
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Hey guys,
most of you already probably know that im getting married soon. I was suppose to get married in June but because of some little family problems my in laws had it got delayed until December.
Im currently a college student. In december ill just have turned 20 so, not even half way done with school…and i want to be a doctor or P.A. since i have so much school left i dont want to miss any semester at all! so winter break starts around dec. 19 and then spring semester starts the 6th i think? that leaves me with two weeks to get married and go on a mini honeymoon and then start school again in another city. I dont know if i can do this. :frowning: i feel like its all too much together. All the wedding events, finals and packing and praying! and then after the wedding, ill be living with my in-laws so i cant just start school in less than a week. I would still have to unpack and stuff and atleast cook every now and then. We cant delay the wedding any longer because both my barat and valima outfit have been ordered and are READY!

what do you guys think i should do?
thanks :hugz:

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Re: the trouble with picking the "perfect" date

are u sure ur going to be expected to cook and all that straight after the wedding?

talk to ur hubz/fiance about the expectations from his side (and maybe even from his parents) and talk about ur concerns, regarding schooling. They might be totally cool with u going to school and maybe only cooknig and stuff on the weekends :)

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Re: the trouble with picking the "perfect" date

Miami we'r in the same boat....well not that i wanna start school after wedding but the whole date fixing process... My wedding is not fixed too..
Is it that u really wana have the wedding in june?cz of vacations..? but i know u'll have to compromise with everyone as they'll b fixing ur date.
btw its Muharram in Dec, let them know!

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Re: the trouble with picking the "perfect" date

Don't base ur wedding dates on the fact that ur dresses are ready. U will look beautiful regardless. Ur education is extremely important if u think it will be affected, change the date for summer 2010 or sometime later. U don't wanna regret getting marrieed earlier. Marriage can wait unfortunately studying will be difficult specially for a medical degree. 2 weeks is definitely a short time. But shouldn't u get off a whole month for winter break? U shouldn't rush into things like these, I.e. Marriage, living with in laws. I live alone with my husband, rarely cook, just graduated so no school and often feel there's not enough time in the day.

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Re: the trouble with picking the "perfect" date

Btw I don't know ifur family will be open to this idea but what if u could pack and take ur stuff to the new place and unpack it before the wedding and set up ur closet? This way u will have one less thing to worry about if u still end up doing it december and definitely discuss the whole cooking arrangement. Ur definitely too young to be cooking anyway:)

My husband and I went apt hunting together before the wedding, I moved in everything and set the place up before I left to Pakistan for the wedding. When I came back from the honeymoon I had one week left before my last semester began and just relaxed. Hoe everything works out!

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Re: the trouble with picking the "perfect" date

Here is what I think...get married...delay the honeymoon for now.

The reason I dont think delaying the wedding is a good idea is because you've already rescheduled it and put it off for December. Dont move it any further up.

Have the wedding and use your next break from school for your honeymoon...you'll keep your sanity this way.

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Your wedding doesn’t have to be hurried just because your dresses are ready. My wedding dresses still look brand new after years! Lol!

Just out of interest, are your inlaws living abroad, as it sounds like you are going abroad for your wedding?

It is possible to go for two weeks to get married and continue with studies straight afterwards. Married life, unpacking, packing again, cooking, studying and dealing with inlaws will help prepare you in a lot of ways for becoming a Doc’ as you’ll become an expert in multi-tasking! Lol!

Also, you don’t have to go on a honeymoon straight after the wedding if you want to keep your studies a top priority. You can always go on a honeymoon during your semester breaks - which is what my Husband and I did b/c he was a Doctor, I was studying and we married young. This way your education won’t be affected.

:slight_smile:

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Re: the trouble with picking the “perfect” date

Hey guys, thank you all for your advices. I know my clothes will still look new but i dont want them to be outdated. Iggy, No im not going abroad for my wedding. I live in Miami Fl and my fiance, lives in Sunrise Fl. Its just 45 minutes away from my house. So we will inshallah also have out wedding here. My in laws seem to understand and im sure they wount get mad if i dotn cook but i myself feel as if thats wrong. Ill have a week off after my wedding and we had planned on going to umrah. But because of the short time frame we have, that probably wount be possible until Summer of 2010. Please remember to pray for me. I need all the Dua i can get. thanks :hugz:

Pakistan v India - 2nd ODI - 2012/13
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You know I was in a similar predicament once too, and I also suggested the same to hubby that we can stay home for that time and put off the honeymoon til later

but later came and times were not good, so it wouldn't've been possible for us to go on a honeymoon. After a certain time, that trip you take isn't a honeymoon, its just a trip. it can still be lovely but its not hte same trip you take as newlyweds right after your wedding. I think if you have the hcance to go somewhere, wherever, go, because later might not be a good time.

Now that I look back, I really wish that I had taken the semester off after my wedding to relax, only because I had some more semesters left to graduate. We didn't live together right away. More so I didn't do very well in my classes b/c I just couldn't focus, I was in lala land over the wedding, missing hubby like crazy, not getting along wiht my family etc. It was a sucky time.

Miami, if you have just one semester to go and there's no way that you can not finish, i'd say get married in those two weeks, but if you have still a while to go... just get married and skip a semester. Everyone will tell you that its harder/not possible etc, but if you are truly determined, you will graduate and do what you want to do. From the way you have described your fiance/inlaws in the past, they don't seem like the type that will stop you from getting your education. If, however, you decide to take diffrent paths, that's okay--you shouldn't feel guilty abou t it. I'm probably going way too far into the future, but I'm telling you what i adivse based on past expereince. :) Good luck :)

Pakistan v India - 2nd ODI - 2012/13
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lol you know i completely agree with you but the thing is that if i take spring semester off, my scholarship doesnt pay for summer classes and i think my fiances cousin is wedding married in UK during the summer so i would have to go there, as it would be the first wedding we go to after being married. So, that means 8 months of school off. I dont know if i can do that. LOL.... as soon as i graduated from high school i started college 2 weeks later. I havnt had any long break from school. And since i have so much school left i just wanna finish and get it done with but then again, you only get married once and get to go on a honeymoon just once. :( its all so hard. I dont know what to do. I wish life was easier. My parents said not to worry to much and just to delay it again till June 2010 but then that would be 3 years after my engagement and my clothes will get old,moreover all my jahez stuff will be so outdated. So i dont know. i wish it was easier.

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u may even enjoy it more that way knowing u got more time on your hands to have a proper holiday/honeymoon

good idea bon :k:

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Re: the trouble with picking the "perfect" date

Hun, you're working with super duper designers i.e.e Bunto kazmi. These people set trends. You're clothes will look old to you but new to everyone else...don't worry about the clothes.

I know lots of people who've been engaged for 2-3 years. It's normal...you just have to roll with the circumstances. I say delay the wedding till Summer, enjoy a nice long honeymoon, do umraah, attend the wedding in London...and all the daawats that continue after the wedding. Yes it'll be delayed by 4-5 months but it'll be worth it b/c you won't be stressing about coping with all the changes and school. And congratulations on the scholarship!

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Re: the trouble with picking the “perfect” date

aww thanks guys !!! thanks naqsa :hugz:
but i dont know what my in -laws will say abotu me asking to delay the wedding. my parents said the same thing. To delay it until im ready to take this step but im still really unsure of all this. Im gonna decide. and it has to be soon!
I think ill go to school and ask them when fall term ends and when spring starts( the calenders not up yet) and then make the my final decision. I Know that blushingrose did somethign similar and she lives in the same area. I messaged her on facebook to see what she did since she also got married in dec.
It just sucks cause i have so much school left and im so determined to get it done with ASAP!

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Re: the trouble with picking the "perfect" date

hmmm.. your in quite the predicament.. but insha'Allah theres a solution for everything.. I'd say take the time off.. i know its hard to go back to school after you've had 8 mnths of RELAXING.. but that'll give you enough time to sorta settle down into your married life.. summer courses are usually divided into 2 parts.. early summer and late summer unless there is a different system where u are.. so take the part which is most convinient to you.. and start off school from there.. taking the later summer courses would be better since you'll just continue into your fall classes right away.. but this way you'll have time to sit back and enjoy the first few months of being a newly wed.. believe me i was in the same boat as u.. and I even might have had to live away from my hubby for 6 mnths to finish off school but I chose to wait it out and we had the best time.. took a mnth long honeymoon and I came back to a relaxed enviroment rather than coming back to BOOKS.. but make sure you do get back into the realm of things right after you come back from your cuznz wedding.. goodluck with everything!!

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Re: the trouble with picking the "perfect" date

thanks. I need all the good luck and prayers i can get.

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after reading the thread title.. and then when i started reading your post.. I felt as if you were gonna ask how to pick the “perfect” date as in asking someone out before your wedding.:mad3:

anyway…umm… i dont know .. you gotta set your priorities… so what if u got ur wedding dress .. pick the time of the year to marry when you’re off from school for like a week or two or probably a month.. summer is a good time and so is christmas break.

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Re: the trouble with picking the "perfect" date

even if its all hectic at the time--eventually it all works out!

you can get married in mid-dec and go on a mini-honeymoon--lucky u--live in miami--so many nice Caribbean destinations just a few hours away:) As for a more proper honeymoon, you guys can go in the summer--take more time off for the trip--have more time to do the honeymoon destination research.

If you start the packing with each new item u get now then it will all go smoothly. Right now you have 9 months and so much can be done:)

I highly doubt you will be expected to cook right away....every weekend will be a dinner dawaat anyways lol and since u guys havent properly dated--u'll have many opportunities to go out for meals:)

From ur posts before, you parents in law seem very open minded and sweet--im sure they'll help making the transition into married life easier for you and ur fiance.

School will come into place. Get an easier semester if u can--the minimum full time load for ur classes (12 credits I believe).

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Re: the trouble with picking the "perfect" date

u also have the option of asking professors to take the final early......

I remember December being very stressful for myself--that because I was taking FOREVER choosing my furniture--must have gone to a hundred shops. I bought my shaadi shoes a few days before the wedding---think these things took me forever cuz i just kept searching and searching for the "perfect" things....

If you have these sort of things done already then it makes life less hectic. My clothes had already been made in pakistan. I did get shoes, make up, purses from here (which of course u can shop for them now and get that out of the way).

As for college break, they give two weeks which is good and I took an extra week off at the beginning of january. The day after coming back from the honeymoon I went straight to work...

Alhumdulillah Its all worked out:) As for cooking--make lunch usually and if im too tired to make some --my mom gives me food (which of course u can do too since u r in the same city).

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Re: the trouble with picking the "perfect" date

as for delaying the wedding.....its up to u and how ready u are. You still have 9 months to grow and mature before the wedding, your thoughts will takes you everywhere--should I get married like this, plan honeymoon like this, should i wait til spring break etc etc etc. Its a natural part of the wedding tension, so much is going on and u feel very confused until it all just happens.

The wedding date has been changed already and it just happened....in a way its great for you--get more time to think everything through and be a more relaxed bride.

We also fixed the date abt 11 months before the wedding.

Start organzing everything now. Make a checklist. Things left to do, things done already. Will help you decide everything.

For some reason I had lots of basic things left to do in december. If they had been done already I would have been less stressed.

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Re: the trouble with picking the "perfect" date

so did you folks come to a decision?