I have a really obtuse way at looking at life. So bear with me. However I personally feel when it comes to marriage there should a trial period, where you try each other on for size. I have actually discussed this with my mother who promptly told me i was out of my mind.
I will most likely have an arranged marriage if my parents have anything to say about it. So with that I had the following ideas. A slow work day is never good for me. I come up with weird stuff. As can be seen in the various threads, in an arranged marriage a girl is checked out on looks. I would personally prefer if i could say - “Hey, lets go to the other room and talk”.
Once in the next room, we can talk freely or rather relatively freely and in a more cordial environment. Knowing my parents I would be able to get away with this. However i wanted to know from you guppans would your parents allow this?
This is the first step of the trial period. The next is basically dating. But we get to that later on.
In my family that is encouraged, ie guy and girl talk alone in another room. My parents don't mind phone/email either. No unecessary loafing shoafing though.
yeah we would get chitttar of ami ji and everyone else :D however i told ami and abu that need to speak with the guy aloen and i am besharam i would ask my dad permission on my own...
as far as fam ily is concerned.. few of my cousins were told they are gettign married simple is that with whom etc... they found that out when they had a ring on their finger...
My mom didn't mind my sister talking to her husband, at the time fiance, over the phone or E-mail. But talking in a separate room or dating prior to marraige was something that would not even be considered. I am still easten minded and agree that a man and a woman should not spend time alone until their wedding night.
Probably not walk out to the next room on the first meeting Maybe not meet alone at all. My parents, dad not so gladly, would be okay wit h phone conversations IF the initial meeting went well and the y approved of the guy based on whatever they knew of him.
if the ristha is someone that i am seriously considering for marriage and my parents have approved of him.... then yes.... my mom would not have a problem with us going into the other room to talk face to face, talk on phone, or via email. Once i become comfortable with him then she said that she wouldnt have a problem with me going out with him in a group setting (making sure that we are never alone) before officially saying yes.
Many people I know have met people through family/friends/parents, and then after the initial meeting, the pair has gone out for coffee or lunch and such. I know not everyone is comfortable with this, but it seems to be becoming a more legitimate form of meeting potential spouses.
I don't know if my parents would have let me go out alone immediately. Probably accompanied by my brothers who would have given us some space to talk.
Talking alone in another room..? hmm for me, I don't think so.. but then again, I think I can speak my mind infront of my parents, so why not just talk in the same room? Its not like everyone's leaning over to listen to each of your words, plus I never hide anything from Amee jee & Abbu jee.. so..
I guess that's because I'm from a more conservative family, it really depends on mindet. I know a whole bunch of other people won't have any problem with it at all :)
we have only come this far with one rishta.. and with that my dad literally shoved me and the guy into a seperate room so we could talk... even then i stood in the doorway with a very worried/embarassed look on my face.. then mom had to come and sit with me.. so did his mom... i for one feel u can find out way more about a person thru the ppl they know... thru stories about their childhood, experiences in life... rather than asking typical questions .... but still.. meeting atleast once before marriage is good enuff...
as for dating and goin out... how long will u do this? if u arent good at judging someone.. no matter how much u meet them, it wont be enough... and even if u do meet them.. how many times ... until u feel comfortable enuff knowing u arent making a mistake? who's to say u wont get to see a side of them after marriage, that u didnt even know exists before marriage when u were dating them?
its only when u live together and do small everyday things together that u really get to know a person....
should we go further than dating and actually start to live with each other in hopes of finding out if the match is compatible or not? ..
how far should one go until they KNOW the other person is THE ONE????
a friend of mine, quite clever too, dated a guy with parents approval for 2 yrs before marriage (as fiance and fiancee)... the guy did a complete turn right after marriage... i kept on askin her for some signs she may have seen when they were dating.. she said nothing.. he was the best!! ...
i dont think there is any way of knowing the mess u can get into.. or the happiness that may be... simply a gamble :)
Can you judge completely? Nope. But you do get some signs within the first few months or rather weeks of a person's method of thinking and personality. They are small things that can affect other things.
I have rather odd ideas when it comes to our society and how things are done. I honestly feel that the parents should not make the decision, but the two consenting adults. I have already informed my mother that i would want her consent for the marriage, but I choose the girl and not her.
I just find the whole arranged marriage thing, formalistic and awkward. I would prefer knowing the girl before even thinking of marriage or even being open about the matter.
How many of you unmarried ladies suscribe to the idea that meeting your future husband just once is enough and you deal with whatever comes up after marriage?
i don’t :D…if i was to do that my dad would kick my a$$…saying that i’m the most stupid and irresposible girl on earth …and he would add: “it’s no use to cry and come home after divorce”
my parents encouraged me to talk to all the potential guys I met privately i.e. sitting in a separate room. Although there are conservative families everywhere but hopefully Grumpy you will be able to find most families where they will allow their daughter to talk w/ u 1:1 in a separate room in their home.
actually grumpy U are OUT OF YOUR MIND.
marriage is really a big step . and i being a gal , myself would analyse a man before considering him for marriage.
i met quite a few men . who act rather differently in front of their parents and are a total different being theirselves.
so good luck with ure trial as u do not know .. that actually this happens :p
in their "engagement" they actually do the nikaah, so after the "engagement" the man and woman r legally husband and wife but they dont live together, just go out for a couple of hours and spend the time together to get to know each other....
and when they thnk they r ready for "marriage", the "rukhsati" takes place....
and in case they dont think they can live with each other, they go thru divorce, but the divorce document mentions that the "rukhsati" did not take place....
that is very good....
on my mariage, even after the nikaah (which was ouple of days before rukhsati) i was not allowed to be alone with my wife....
and in case they dont think they can live with each other, they go thru divorce, but the divorce document mentions that the "rukhsati" did not take place....
…and he would add: “it’s no use to cry and come home after divorce”