I will always believe that nurture can prevail over nature when it comes to behaviour, but how many of you can actually reflect upon your lives and identify experiences that have “hardened” you?
Can you think back and recall when you realized that you can depend on nobody but yourself? Or have you always had a soft place to fall?
Do memories of carefree days now linger in your heart while responsibilities and commitments take over your mind?
Have you become a stronger, more focussed person or just a harsh realist?
i used to be a very kind hearted in general , always smiling , always willing to help or serve others no matter who the other person was -or- what he/ she do................. but after facing a lot of harsh experiences + being blessed with responsibilities & commitments i admit i'm no more the same , i've become a bit mean , now i only care for the ones who care for me ( includes just my family + my elders + few old friends ) , it's what life have taught me , i'm a staright forward person now , more focussed + harsh realist too , but not too strong ( like a concrete wall ), my soft side exist even now but i've time + love + effection only for those who're sincere & dear to me.
I've always been a ball of mush with a hard shell on the outside. As a teen though, I didn't have the confidence to risk showing my emotions. But now I'm way more confident and open. I think my husband has influenced that as well as having kids. I've experienced some difficult life situations as well. But I made a choice to learn from them. I hope life has given me more depth rather than close me up and harden me.
i used to a soft shy girl who wdnt speak up for herself , result wud b ppl wlkin all over me , bt due to many life expereinces sum good sum bad i have becum a strong person n imuts admit a bit mean as well .lolz i dun wish bad bt i am strait forwrd if i dun like sumfin i will let it show n let it b known also i am onli nice to those who are nice to me. n once i hate i hate very bad den ..
WHen you have little ones, you HAVE to become hard in order to defend them. When you have parents who need your care, same thing. When a loved one is dependent upon you - and you alone, you do what you have to do. Yes, it hardens you...maybe in a good way, maybe not. See the thread abt handicapped and "mommy" parking....I got all kinds of beat up over that. But I have to say that yeah I'd do it again under certain circumstances. And I think that in the end, thats a GOOD thing...if you're hardened enough to think that this is a horrible thing to do - even if you need to do it - then IMHO, you're TOO hardened and you're a liability to your loved ones rather than an asset.
Oh man :(. I try really hard to come out of the skin-thickening experiences as a stronger person.. but I think I’m becoming weaker? I think the thing that I want the most right now is to be so secure that I dont feel hurt afterwards.. at the same time i dnt wanna become the hardass that doesnt give a ****… is it too hard to attain a balance?
With time and experiences and really good people to guide by example.. I am much softer, nicer, kinder.. I have learnt not to be so defensive and to give 100% effort and kindness even with the risk of hurt but I have learnt to be strong and assertive enough to not let people walk over me..
I still have many faults but I hope the good friends and family and my religion will help me to be a much better person
I was MUCH softer, kind, and unselfish kind person who was always willing and ready to help others. Never knew how to say no. Yes people walked all over me, pushed me to the corners. I succumed to my friends/family wishes and altered myself now i'm much less manipulative have learnt to resist others. Still, for my close ones i'm the same quite, shy, soft spoken guy and they do exploit me which i don't mind.
Reading this again, I realized you were asking for specifics....my "hardening" experiences mainly have to do with my son but theres a couple experiences with my dad's battle with cancer too. Here's a sample -
Having a social worker tell me that "feeding and eating are not educational issues. Your son cannot eat on his own but we dont do feeding here." So they let him go ALL day with nothing to eat or drink - and thats in a special ed program, one where they were fully informed of his special needs, his feeding issues and his "Failure to Thrive" (undernourishment) and provided with all of the supporting documentation from hospitals and specialists. I hired an attorney, went after the school district and the day after we all met, they changed their tune.
Same social worker telling me "you know, he WILL eat when he gets hungry. Dont feed him for a period of 2 weeks. Just be strong and get thru it, let him learn" Hell, it took Terri Schiavo about that amount of time to die and she was at a healthy weight to begin with. I went 3 days and he dropped a little over a pound which he couldnt afford to begin with. During those 3 days ate a few (we're talking less than 10) doritos and drank less than 10 oz of milk. THATS when I called an attorney.
I could go on, those are just mere highlights.
So-called specialists can be total freaks. Arrogant self-important preening types can be so much worse and so much more dangerous to themselves, others and their loved ones than totally ignorant individuals.
So yup I rely on myself and because I have such good, supportive and caring family, I can rely on them too. No one else.
the walls that we erect after every shock that we experience may look imposing, but are very fragile, and sometimes just the action of inventorying what caused us to erect those walls can cause cracks..that ivariably exist in more walls.
fundamentally, i feel that everyone deep down inside is an innocent childlike person, with layers upon layers of these walls, some to meet societal expectations, others to meet obligations, others to self preserve and yet others thatare in reaction to circumstances...sometimes these layers go bad and you see crminals form, deviants emerge..
but the walls are not infallible. You can always reach the true person behind their forts. It may take effort and sincerity though.
Oh man :(. I try really hard to come out of the skin-thickening experiences as a stronger person.. but I think I'm becoming weaker? I think the thing that I want the most right now is to be so secure that I dont feel hurt afterwards.. at the same time i dnt wanna become the hardass that doesnt give a ****.... is it too hard to attain a balance?
secure in what sense. does security means not wanting to face anything anymore.
no , it's not at all hard to attain balance , yes certain moments are weak , real weak, but then there are aspects which make us very strong . even if your have a strong faith and a belief that you are in loss , nothing will hurt you .
yes you become very strong when you find someone reliable , friendly and caring :)
Fraudz,
i think we all have a childlike innerself , and we get hurt , but it's the same childlike innerself who grows out of that situation , either with passage of time or on getting more adapted to it , or finding out more care .
the problem lies with a person who cannot fully understand himself and is involved in self - pity , not realising his own faults , closing all the doors from where he might be enlightened.
they say , LET IT GO, yes, it's better to let it go than to nourish it as a burden on your brain and heart .
lol. this reminds me of that Geico commercial. Theres some lady spouting off about existentialism (which really had little to do with the topic at hand) so...mr caveman is invited to respond. His response is
Fraudz,
i think we all have a childlike innerself , and we get hurt , but it's the same childlike innerself who grows out of that situation , either with passage of time or on getting more adapted to it , or finding out more care .
the problem lies with a person who cannot fully understand himself and is involved in self - pity , not realising his own faults , closing all the doors from where he might be enlightened.
they say , LET IT GO, yes, it's better to let it go than to nourish it as a burden on your brain and heart .
true, actually I was reding something that someone posted regarding forgiveness, and that when you forgive the one who is forgiven has some benefits, but the biggest advantage is to the one who forgives, just getting rid of that excess baggage, the chip on the shoulder. Letting it go, is the best way forward. Too bad it is not possible for so many people. But its worth a try.
hey, caveman is my dude, dude. Poor guy gets dissed at every turn and yet he endures. The pole-up-er-butt specialist is like some that I've met me-self...the type that leave you wondering "err...WHAT???" Long live the caveman man!
speaking of ads then was this other take on the phenomenon, I recal some ad from late 90s to 2001 or so time when two people in an airport are talking about company infrastructure and when the lady asks this cheesy posuer about his company's ERP systems he just gets confused and says "errrrp?"
