How do you deal with the Ex being with and getting married to another woman? I mean if he had said he loved you how can his emotions just switch to another person like that? My ex that I thought was the one and I loved him a lot, is getting engaged on Valentine's day and then married on the 20th. Jerk had to tell me the details of his wonderful life partner happiness even if I tried my hardest to block him out completely. He loved to see me tortured by the fact that he didn't want to marry me. I feel the pain when I think about us together but then I also think about how he treated me in the most nasty and degrading way. He never really saw me as someone he would marry only a girl his family chose for him is right. I would like to get over this and get to helping others and I wish he would move to Asia or some far off country in the middle east. Or atleast move to a different state but he lives with his family so I can't even wish for that.
I'm sorry to hear that, GlobalGal. That was a nasty move by him, knowing you still care about him. It says something about his character really. And I feel sad for the girl he marries now, if he treated you so terribly, imagine what kind of terrible husband he would have become for you. You were lucky not to have married such a nasty character then. Besides, even when the family does want you as a daughter in law for their son, it can still go wrong.
My situation was different, my ex went to Pakistan and married a girl, I was told she has the same first name as me. I was happy because that meant finally I would be in peace.
^I wasn't married to him. We spent time together getting to know each other in person for a few months as a potential but he was messaging another girl in his home town in the old country that his family wanted him to marry when he was talking with me too. I found out he was talking with her and planning to marry her through Facebook not through him. He was living a double life yeah he was a total jerk. But even after I blocked him out completely he still tried to wiggle his way back into my life trying to show me how he's found the perfect, good match. It's just my self esteem going really low that's making him seem like a good guy but he was so far from that. I hope i never see him with her again at any function. It takes a lot of maturity to deal with that and be okay with it.
Why would you need to convince your parents? I've already flat out told my parents that as soon as everything is settled, I'm adopting. I have a child, but I never dreamed that I would only have one. And as far as potential rishtas go, why limit yourself to one specific pool? As long as said rishta is Muslim or willing to convert, what does it matter? You're already damaged in society's eyes. You might as well be happy and throw it back at them!
that's soo true! Sometime you just have to think 'screw society' I mean what's more important than someone loving and respectful coming into your life, it shouldn't matter whay race they are.
Time heal all wounds!!! I was able to swallow and I was in the same situation as u, probably worse than u but I still put a big smile on my face to show that I DONT GIVE A CRAP! But my heart knows what I dealt with but I am happy that Allah had better things stored for me. I am very happy in my life. Ma Sha Allah :) It was not easy. What gave me peace of mind? I am better than that girl from every way...
^I wasn't married to him. We spent time together getting to know each other in person for a few months as a potential but he was messaging another girl in his home town in the old country that his family wanted him to marry when he was talking with me too. I found out he was talking with her and planning to marry her through Facebook not through him. He was living a double life yeah he was a total jerk. But even after I blocked him out completely he still tried to wiggle his way back into my life trying to show me how he's found the perfect, good match. It's just my self esteem going really low that's making him seem like a good guy but he was so far from that. I hope i never see him with her again at any function. It takes a lot of maturity to deal with that and be okay with it.
^I wasn't married to him. We spent time together getting to know each other in person for a few months as a potential but he was messaging another girl in his home town in the old country that his family wanted him to marry when he was talking with me too. I found out he was talking with her and planning to marry her through Facebook not through him. He was living a double life yeah he was a total jerk. But even after I blocked him out completely he still tried to wiggle his way back into my life trying to show me how he's found the perfect, good match. It's just my self esteem going really low that's making him seem like a good guy but he was so far from that. I hope i never see him with her again at any function. It takes a lot of maturity to deal with that and be okay with it.
If you do ever bump into him and his new wife then just show thrm how happy you are and that you are functioning just well without the douche. And think of it this way ladies, if you all had to take the step of divorce then that means you had NO other option and had to go through it. So always remember that this was a choice that you had to make due to their shortcomings. You did nothing wrong!
If you do ever bump into him and his new wife then just show thrm how happy you are and that you are functioning just well without the douche. And think of it this way ladies, if you all had to take the step of divorce then that means you had NO other option and had to go through it. So always remember that this was a choice that you had to make due to their shortcomings. You did nothing wrong!
I attended his wedding... You can imagine how big of my heart became that day so you gotta smile and show he is missing out on life if you live the best life without him... I saw his pics, videos, and what or not... I looked at them with a big smile... Trust me girl, we women can be happy without men. We just need to become who we truly are. Everyone will respect u. I was in a very worse situation and i understand ur feelings completely but don't waste ur time on him...
Great advice and great reactions coming here. :) GlobalGal, I hope all this helps you insha Allah. Even sharing can help and I hope that our support and understanding will be a comfort and a boost too. Insha Allah you'll find someone who is a better person. :)
I attended his wedding... You can imagine how big of my heart became that day so you gotta smile and show he is missing out on life if you live the best life without him... I saw his pics, videos, and what or not... I looked at them with a big smile... Trust me girl, we women can be happy without men. We just need to become who we truly are. Everyone will respect u. I was in a very worse situation and i understand ur feelings completely but don't waste ur time on him...
How long did it take for you to recover so you could venture into something like attending his wedding with a smile? I find that difficult because he would be so close to her and probably over do the perfect, life partner couple bit and the wedding night. In my eyes you're a really strong person because that would really screw me up even more. It might take a good 5 or 6 years. Right now the wound is still fresh for me.
How long did it take for you to recover so you could venture into something like attending his wedding with a smile? I find that difficult because he would be so close to her and probably over do the perfect, life partner couple bit and the wedding night. In my eyes you're a really strong person because that would really screw me up even more. It might take a good 5 or 6 years. Right now the wound is still fresh for me.
We are talking about my 1st true love that I desperately wanted only for the sake that he was my ONLY and 1ST one... It took me five years to completely move on. I cried in a hope that he'd return even after his nikkah but once he got married with ruksati and everything, I had to let him go. I left his life with the style and head up high... The core reason I was able to attend his wedding was because I knew that I am better than that girl in every way... If she was some type of actress or better looking or more educated than me then I might have not gone. The fact I knew he is at lost then I got the courage to go. Otherwise I was struggling and in denial. Thank God Allah had better things stored for me. Allah ke ghar mein dair hai per andheir nahi. I only worked at myself and make myself more higher and higher during my hardship period. I work out everyday at the gym, earn high grades, found high-ranking job, build my career, and work towards perfection. I automatically start earning respect from people.
Let's not forget, I prayed to Allah everyday and make dua to give my heart peace. It was the most horrible time of my life. Many awesome things came out of that experience as it made me strong and who I am today.
I just want to know why desi men have such gandi soch about desi divorced women. Why are they seen as ones that can be taken advantage of or ones that aren't "virgins" anymore so they would be easy. The one divorced acquaintance I have that is divorced because of an abusive, very painful marriage totally closed herself up to the world and just became a workaholic because who would befriend a divorcee. It isn't easy being around desis.
I just don't get this. On the one hand there are divorced desi people that are divorced because of abuse, pain, or adultery, that's living an honest life but in most case are treated like outcasts because they are bold enough to not take it or tolerate it after no change or an extended amount of no change and then there are so called happily married people that look the other way when they know their spouse is having affairs or tolerate being unhappy just so society won't judge them. Exactly which life is better??
Desis are more social than goras. We meet and live with other people. Goras dont. They dont care about each other. Pakistani men get aquainted to porn in very young age normally and goras in them represent a very open society where we can do anything with whoever. Obviously real life is not as much simple, but desis dont get it. When we are so close to others, there come positive and negative aspects. Have you seen elderly women getting together and talking so much about younger ladies from far away talking about them easily like it was their own problem ? So being so close and related, men too have those porn stories in mind and try to get as much as they can. Divorced, widowed or the girls whose husbands work away from them are considered easy targets as they must be missing something in their lives. and every man being the hero of society presents himself as the sole GOOD option available. Idea is that, the non-existen sex life should be strong enough for the woman to present herself.
Non-social societies have their own problems as they take care of sex urges quite more openly and think about other issues. Desi men are just too fantasised about open sex lives of goras. Its porn which has caused all of this I think. too much communication. Unfortunate.
Why would you need to convince your parents? I've already flat out told my parents that as soon as everything is settled, I'm adopting. I have a child, but I never dreamed that I would only have one. And as far as potential rishtas go, why limit yourself to one specific pool? As long as said rishta is Muslim or willing to convert, what does it matter? You're already damaged in society's eyes. You might as well be happy and throw it back at them!
Haha I love this outlook!
Also, I have the utmost respect for each and every one of you who are going through this. If you don't find justice in life, don't lose hope. Justice will be served on the Day of Judgment. All of the debts that are owed to each of you will be paid, and everyone's account will be balanced. Hang in there.
