(I’m starting this thread on behalfof a user who wishes to stay anonomys)
Any negatives that you might not have foreseen?
After you’ve been divorced for a while and feeling the reactions of other desis? When someone asks where your wife or husband is do you tell them that you are divorced, especially the ones with a child or do you only feel the need to tell certain people?
The reason I ask this is that the words husband and wife have such sweet, loving thoughts connected with them and when you experienced all those bad times, in some abuse, during the marriage, it must be hard when someone associates those sweet words with someone like the ex that has caused you so much pain.
obviously the ones that had long time friend probably still are friends with them but after divorce was it easy to make desi friends or was there judgment…
I experience difficulty in social situations/interactions , I just don't tell everyone that I am not married anymore , I really do not wish to go into discussion on this topic with everyone and honestly our society is so screwed up they feel that they can treat divorce people anyway they like.
In family/relatives I have seen mixed behaviours some are kind , some literally look down upon me , they can come up with most stupidest questions and comments.
I have seen my daughter being ignored by most now that they know that her father is not in her life and 100% of them are my rishteydaars .
about making friends I haven't made any new friend since then in real life but my few friends from past have really come forward as strong support and they are just a phone call away and they really care for me and my daughter.
life is not easy being a divorcee , you get tough time even with your own family but my own experience is that now I atleast get a few moments of happiness but when I was married I had just stopped smiling and being happy , it was worse than hell and surely I am better off now so I have no regrets !
**
When you’re married…you hang out with married people. When you’re single…you hang out and know a lot of single people.
When you’re divorced…unless you go looking you won’t find others like yourself. Its the scarlet letter of our culture…call me crazy but I found it liberating.
If you took a step, you’re already brave. Take another step, search for others like yourself who you can benefit from or who can benefit from you.
I started (in conjunction with a few others) a support group. The group is no longer that active but the best part of it was that people found a place where they didn’t feel out of place anymore. Single moms met other moms. Girls who were in court could talk about issues they were dealing with. No man bashing was allowed. It was just a place to talk about what lies ahead…not behind.
You WILL shed the negativity you might be feeling when you think of the word husband or wife. That day comes - guaranteed. But the timing is different for all. You have to heal, work through your feelings, overcome weaknesses and make yourself ready for anything life will bring you.
If we were all meant to live life the same way…there’d be no need for Allah swt to make us different. Our differences are an indicator of how different our paths can be. Divorce is NOTHING.
Try battling a life threatening disease at the age of 22 with two kids to look after and no one to help you through it. I’ve met people like that on this journey and it put my hiccup in perspective.
I experience difficulty in social situations/interactions , I just don't tell everyone that I am not married anymore , I really do not wish to go into discussion on this topic with everyone and honestly our society is so screwed up they feel that they can treat divorce people anyway they like.
In family/relatives I have seen mixed behaviours some are kind , some literally look down upon me , they can come up with most stupidest questions and comments.
I have seen my daughter being ignored by most now that they know that her father is not in her life and 100% of them are my rishteydaars .
about making friends I haven't made any new friend since then in real life but my few friends from past have really come forward as strong support and they are just a phone call away and they really care for me and my daughter.
life is not easy being a divorcee , you get tough time even with your own family but my own experience is that now I atleast get a few moments of happiness but when I was married I had just stopped smiling and being happy , it was worse than hell and surely I am better off now so I have no regrets !
My honey went thru horrible abuse and divorce twice by cheating lying abusive scums before I met her, the poor girl was an orphan on top of that. I consider myself the luckiest man on earth to have found her, my family put up a big fuss but I could take on the world for her, she is an amazing wife, mother and proved to be an amazing daughter in law also, I never much cared about peoples opinions and stopped socializing with judgemental people, we decided to dedicate all our energy on our kids rather than on friends in the time we freed up we thought the kids to swim, ski, snorkel, snow board, kayak, rock climbing camping and tons of other activities....we have a very strong family bond, people that judged us now look in awe at our family. My advice is to search for love, if you find it hang onto it for dear life. The test is if you can give your life for your honey without blinking than you have found your soul mate.
Aside from the ostracization from pakistani society (because I might steal their husbands or their "virgin" daughter's potential rishtas), best move ever. In fact, I am glad that I'm looked at as either a pity case or with digust because I've come to realize how horrible, cruel, narrowminded, bigoted our society really is and how disgusting my own views of divorced girls or divorced girls remarrying outside the culture really was. And now since I don't have to buy any more desi clothes since that social scene is non-existent, more money to invest elsewhere!
My honey went thru horrible abuse and divorce twice by cheating lying abusive scums before I met her, the poor girl was an orphan on top of that. I consider myself the luckiest man on earth to have found her, my family put up a big fuss but I could take on the world for her, she is an amazing wife, mother and proved to be an amazing daughter in law also, I never much cared about peoples opinions and stopped socializing with judgemental people, we decided to dedicate all our energy on our kids rather than on friends in the time we freed up we thought the kids to swim, ski, snorkel, snow board, kayak, rock climbing camping and tons of other activities....we have a very strong family bond, people that judged us now look in awe at our family. My advice is to search for love, if you find it hang onto it for dear life. The test is if you can give your life for your honey without blinking than you have found your soul mate.
Cool story Eliminator/shawns bibi, needs more dragons and ****.
I would marry only drinkers, bar hopping ,dancing....painting the town red..YEAH BABY....All night long....please, please kill me before I have to marry a boring, dull unanimated chick.....I can't be around boring people....I will be more alive when I am dead then you guys are in your youth....BORRRRRRRRRRRRRING
I live fornication, I think it Is a much lesser evil than union of conveniences where love, attraction, chemistry are not considered and participants are compelled to live loveless lives and sex because the parents decide what is best for you....One day If I decide to settle down and the chick has been with many guys I will take it as a compliment.
My honey went thru horrible abuse and divorce twice by cheating lying abusive scums before I met her, the poor girl was an orphan on top of that. I consider myself the luckiest man on earth to have found her, my family put up a big fuss but I could take on the world for her, she is an amazing wife, mother and proved to be an amazing daughter in law also, I never much cared about peoples opinions and stopped socializing with judgemental people, we decided to dedicate all our energy on our kids rather than on friends in the time we freed up we thought the kids to** swim, ski, snorkel, snow board, kayak, rock climbing camping and tons of other activities**....we have a very strong family bond, people that judged us now look in awe at our family. My advice is to search for love, if you find it hang onto it for dear life. The test is if you can give your life for your honey without blinking than you have found your soul mate.
I experience difficulty in social situations/interactions , I just don't tell everyone that I am not married anymore , I really do not wish to go into discussion on this topic with everyone and honestly our society is so screwed up they feel that they can treat divorce people anyway they like.
In family/relatives I have seen mixed behaviours some are kind , some literally look down upon me , they can come up with most stupidest questions and comments.
I have seen my daughter being ignored by most now that they know that her father is not in her life and 100% of them are my rishteydaars .
about making friends I haven't made any new friend since then in real life but my few friends from past have really come forward as strong support and they are just a phone call away and they really care for me and my daughter.
life is not easy being a divorcee , you get tough time even with your own family but my own experience is that now I atleast get a few moments of happiness but when I was married I had just stopped smiling and being happy , it was worse than hell and surely I am better off now so I have no regrets !
Aww that's so sad and I agree, sometimes out society can be really unfair and illogical at times. But Allhamdulillah, your happier now. All that matters is that you and your daughter are happy and healthy. The rest can go screw themselves. :)
My honey went thru horrible abuse and divorce twice by cheating lying abusive scums before I met her, the poor girl was an orphan on top of that. I consider myself the luckiest man on earth to have found her, my family put up a big fuss but I could take on the world for her, she is an amazing wife, mother and proved to be an amazing daughter in law also, I never much cared about peoples opinions and stopped socializing with judgemental people, we decided to dedicate all our energy on our kids rather than on friends in the time we freed up we thought the kids to swim, ski, snorkel, snow board, kayak, rock climbing camping and tons of other activities....we have a very strong family bond, people that judged us now look in awe at our family. My advice is to search for love, if you find it hang onto it for dear life. The test is if you can give your life for your honey without blinking than you have found your soul mate.
I pray for all those who have been suffered this...inshaAllah you people will have best replacement inshaAllah...everything is from Allah,.n He indeed knows best for us Alhamdulilah..so smile n go on...life has so much for us Alhamdulilah...there are so many single mothers bcs of husband death...so test for all of us..may Allah help us Ameen
Cool story Eliminator/shawns bibi, needs more dragons and ****.
Calm down woman. You are trying a bit too hard.
Dude come out of the closet already, I will find you a boy friend, the only people with such hostility for women are boyz that are competing with girls for male attention, barking up the wrong tree dude....I only like girls. Yes Elminator is who I was and Shawn is what she made me, from a bad party boy to a proud dad.
Aside from the ostracization from pakistani society (because I might steal their husbands or their "virgin" daughter's potential rishtas), best move ever. In fact, I am glad that I'm looked at as either a pity case or with digust because I've come to realize how horrible, cruel, narrowminded, bigoted our society really is and how disgusting my own views of divorced girls or divorced girls remarrying outside the culture really was. And now since I don't have to buy any more desi clothes since that social scene is non-existent, more money to invest elsewhere!
Granted desis are narrow minded and bigoted when it comes to a divorcee. Downright cruel some of them. But a divorcee is a human being that requires love and care too and the company of others. You don't go to any desi functions at all? you're letting those narrow minded bigots win out then. If a divorcee survived pain and abuse, a state of hell and came out of it in one piece, she's a survivor and shouldn't go back to the same hell and loneliness she experienced during the marriage by isolating herself. i think that resentment and bitterness shouldn't take over. Staying positive and keeping that bond with Allah strong because he did protect during the painful marriage and gave the tools to be survivor. There are open minded, non judgmental people too, rare and far too few but they do exist.
I wonder if Starting the sentence with bhai jaan to any married woman's husband would keep the married women from getting all paranoid? Although that won't work either because a lot of the totally slimy ones would ignore any "bhai" associations and bully a vulnerable woman into getting his way.
^^^ The cult is too strong, I was supposed to be the trophy for my family and marrying the divorcee they ostracized me and my family, never even congratulated on the birth of my kids, but we grew closer because of that . But now that my nieces and nephews are older they came to visit despite their parents disapproval, all these young kids have a mind of their own and would marry divorced girls no problem, they have seen good results
@Reha and others...what were the reasons for divorce...abuse, mental or physical or philosophical differences , cheating spouses, mamas boys...
Divorce is difficult abroad but definitely less of stigma than in Pakistan . A woman can live alone here without of hoards of morons attacking here like they do in Pakistan . There a woman must live with her family of her husbands family especially If she is young. There are more options here.