The ones that are divorced....any regrets?

[Reha]

Re: The ones that are divorced…any regrets?

@GlobalGal

Granted desis are narrow minded and bigoted when it comes to a divorcee. Downright cruel some of them. But a divorcee is a human being that requires love and care too and the company of others. You don’t go to any desi functions at all? you’re letting those narrow minded bigots win out then. If a divorcee survived pain and abuse, a state of hell and came out of it in one piece, she’s a survivor and shouldn’t go back to the same hell and loneliness she experienced during the marriage by isolating herself. i think that resentment and bitterness shouldn’t take over. Staying positive and keeping that bond with Allah strong because he did protect during the painful marriage and gave the tools to be survivor. There are open minded, non judgmental people too, rare and far too few but they do exist.

I wonder if Starting the sentence with bhai jaan to any married woman’s husband would keep the married women from getting all paranoid? Although that won’t work either because a lot of the totally slimy ones would ignore any “bhai” associations and bully a vulnerable woman into getting his way.

@Reha

how did you connect with other divorcees to create the support group? Are they of only desi women or all ethnic groups?

I wasn’t looking for any particular group…just wanted to talk to someone…anyone. We started by asking our friends if they knew of any girls who were divorced and willing to talk to girls dealing with it right now. Majority ended up being Muslim - some desi and some Arab. By chance, it just grew and now most of the girls are still in touch with each other.

@Twinklestar

@Reha and others…what were the reasons for divorce…abuse, mental or physical or philosophical differences , cheating spouses, mamas boys…

Divorce is difficult abroad but definitely less of stigma than in Pakistan . A woman can live alone here without of hoards of morons attacking here like they do in Pakistan . There a woman must live with her family of her husbands family especially If she is young. There are more options here.

My reason was immigration. I was not opposed to immigration though as much as I was opposed to being used for it. We were different but lots of different people get married and make it work if both are willing to change a little bit to suit the other. He and his parents wanted complete control of everything and even though I gave in…it was scary. It feels like sitting in the passenger seat of your car with a blindfold on. Your car, someone else is driving and you have no idea where you’re going. It gets worse when you’ve been 100000% independent your entire life and now all of a sudden don’t have a dime to your name and need to ask your husband for gas money.

@GlobalGal

How did you meet your wife? everybody deserves to be happy in that way too by finding a kind, compatible life partner or companion.

Reha just seems so positive and doesn’t seem effected as negatively by narrow minded desi people. What’s the secret to being happy regardless of apathetic jerks?

You do have anger…my blogs were at one point just sob stories and my GS family…I’ve met some amazing people on this forum. So you must mourn but you must also pull out of it.

Things that helped me:

Your happiness (someone wise told me this and I’ll never forget it) is a choice. It sounds simple but is it? Training your brain to choose and not be swept away by “I can’t help it”. Once you do, fear disappears…you stop thinking anyone has the power to take away your sukoon.

You never walk away from anything without learning something. It doesn’t matter if he was Hitler…you need to have learned something.

Help someone. Anyone in any way you can. Your problems look like nothing when you help someone. I think the reason charity is one of our five pillars is not just so we can take care of the needy around us…its also because we need to do good when we encounter something terrible. Our soul demands it.