Jazakallah bro ibn sadique I think you have judged my intentions well , however in front people around Ali [as] I would have appeared as a big time munafiq to be honest.
May Allah (swt) protect you from that brother - you indeed have inquiring and balanced mind and the company of those blessed souls would have kept you straight and narrow. You are good now and would have been the same even then. (sorry to praise you so publically) - according to Hz. Umar (ra) it is like killing some one!! May Allah (swt) keep you steadfast.
May Allah (swt) protect and keep us on the straight path.