Re: The more you accomodate the more you have to give....
1) **Ask her why she's scared of the thunder? Bad childhood experience, for example? Encourage her to recite Ayatul Kursi, 3 Quls***, ...and to do* tasbeeh **when she feels afraid. It is said that dhikr (remembrance of Allah) brings peace to the heart. And advise her to put her faith and trust in Allah. Since He controls the weather, then make dua that the rain be a blessing and not a calamity. She can try listening to calming nasheed or relaxing music. You can even suggest her talking to a psychologist about her fear.
**2) **It can depend on how bright the light is. A lamp light or even regular room lights can be too bright for most people to get any sleep. But, you can try buying small "night lights" that are not too bright. Does your mom go to sleep quickly? If so, then you can move to a different room when you see that she's asleep. Or you can try wearing the night/sleeping blindfolds.
3) **Hmm, is she afraid of the things on the dressing table? Encourage her to talk to you about why she feels afraid. If this is a nightly ritual for her.......then tell her to start packing those items a few hours **BEFORE you go to sleep so that you won't feel as disturbed. Instead of packing those items away each night......is it possible for her to place those items on the dressing table of a different room? That way.....those items will not be in the room she'll be sleeping in. And no packing will be required.
**4) **Where is your dad, Zash? Is he helping in any of this? She probably wants her family's approval and therefore acts in a way that would help her earn that. You said she's close to her family. Is there anybody from her own family that you trust enough........who can motivate your mom to take classes or pursue a hobby. Somebody who wouldn't mind joining with her? An aunt? grandmother? cousin? Or at least some relative besides yourself that will encourage her?
5) ** I know it's hard. Try talking to her. Tell her you want to help her....but that she has to try to compromise with you because the situation is making it difficult for you to concentrate at work because you feel exhausted and that it's important for you to feel well-rested for work because you're trying to support the both of you. Sit down with her.......and get her involved in the brainstorming solutions.Try telling her, "Mom, I want you to feel comfortable BUT I also want me to have energy for work. SO, can we both try to find ways to compromise to make things easier for us?"** Then propose suggestions.
Habits and fears transcend number of offspring :) Your mom would have had the same fears and habits even if she had more than one child. I hope things get better soon.