There is no easy or one solution. As you mentioned above you/your husband is contributing from the last 8 years or so
1. (My personal fav.) Ideally, keep doing it one way or the other for as long as parents are alive.
2. If option one is no longer applicable. Start handling the situation in pure desi way, here is a tip. If they ask for extra1,000$ send 400$; cut the amount in ½, less 20% of the remaining half; and
3. More later.
p.s. I do agree 10,000$US is reasonable amount for two ppl. But not enough to buy a new car I think you need around 15,000$US for an average car like Suzuki.
I have had trouble understanding why those "over there" think that everyone living in the west is rich. Is this because we are able to obtain vast amounts of credit? And dont they understand that it must be repaid - with interest? Over there, they have cooks, housekeepers, drivers and yardworkers. Here, we do it all ourselves because its just too much money.
Another way to do it would be to have a budget for what your needs and requirements are as a family and then say to hubby....you don't care what he gives them so long as you have met the requirements of your immediate family in the U.S. first. This method is based on what you can give to them as opposed to what they want you to give. I think it balances the two competing needs quite well.
Obviously your In-laws will not get everything that they want and they have to cut back and try to live within their means.
Very common i guess, and its not about being rich or poor, may be some thing to do with culture, family thingy.
High blood pressure is usual and as the saying goes ‘selling brings bad luck’. 15 years x 1200/month :k: + extra.
lolz yes parents also get high blood pressure when a girl says no to the rishta of their choice. its all about being practical.
put yourself in the same position...would YOU ever get high blood pressure if your son said he didnt have enough money for the jeep you're lemming this year?
why does it matter either way, whether he is earning or both are earning, that is part of family finances. I suppose one can go to the viewpoint that a wife has rights on her husbands income but not vice versa. Either way the end result is the same, teh incomes have to meet multiple needs and wants, and they have to be prioritized.
amana, the sad fact is you are damned if you do and damned if you dont, so if you dont..you will still be damned but you will have more money for your own needs and for your and your kids future.
and no need to show finances and details to others..if they are not going to get the point they are not going to get the point, and all you would have done is given them more information than they really need.
You need to have your husband and yourself be in the same corner, yes he has obligations towards them, for their needs and even reasonable wants but not alalay talalay (to use a term my mum/khalas use for wasting money).
and as someone said, ween them off. for that voicemail that was left for you, tell yer husband that there is a voicemail from his folks and make him listen to it, and make him respond back whether you are sending money or not, their approach to push you in a corner is a very cheap approach.
as far as yer pop in laws high blood pressure, send him some diet books, some general healthcare books, a wrist blood pressure monitor etc. Him following good practices for managing high blood pressure will ensure that he does not have these sudden episodes
Men (19 year old boys need not reply), how do you cope with the financial demands?
Its very sad, Amana bibijee. You are very right about what ppl back home think about their relatives who always ask them for money. I am thankful to god that my family is not like that although I always want to give them money, or do what I can. Some years back, I was in a terrible accident and broke many of my bones- For many days and months I was in hospital and after I came back.. I wasn't healthy and yet had to pay lotta bills.. I had no money! Infact, had it not been for credit cards, I would've been begging as my friends turned their back on me. I explained that to my family and they were willing to send me money- and wanted to come to help me! I said no as it would have hurt my ghairat. Khair, each case is different. Now things are okay and I took 2-3 jobs and paid all the bill, made money and financially back to where I was before the accident.. I should thank god for that :)
I hope she doesn't send them any of the money that she earns. Her inlaws have no right to it, and especially not for their own luxuries. Not even her husband does for that matter.
Amana, from what you are saying, they sound like very inconsiderate parents. The only thing that I could think of telling your husband is to put his foot down and tell them enough is enough. I hope that your money is not going into those expenses of theirs. If it is, I hope that you will cut off that supply.
I personally intend to keep supporting my parents for the rest of my life, inshAllah. Alhamdulillah my parents are not as you described.
i don’t think what i am going to write is related to the topic of this thread..but you know, i truly wonder sometimes that why daughters-in-law have problems with their IN-LAWS only…i am not saying that the in-laws are always angels:halo: ..but what i am saying is that i have never ever in my life time heard any married woman complaining, whining, griping and , sorry to say, bi***ing about her own family..it’s just the in-laws who always have got the problems…IN LAWS PAISE MAANGTE HAIN, IN-LAWS BETE KO ULTI SEEDHI BATEIN SIKHATE HAIN, IN-LAWS MERE HUSBAND KO MERE KHILAAF BATEIN SIKHATE HAIN, IN-LAWS KI YEH DEMANDS HAIN, IN-LAWS KI WOH DEMANDS HAIN…in short, in-laws are the worst creature on this earth and dil’s own family is the most angelic kind…
you idiot women, it’s the in-laws who has brought your husband up, it’s them who has made your husband capable to provide you everything you have…so enculcate some decency in you and respect your inlaws..because i don;t think you would like at all if your husband thinks the same way about your family..
one more thing, i think your in-laws have done a far better job in bringing up their kid(s) so that your husband is putting up with a fo0lish and a jerk like you as opposed to your own family because you are the one who can only LOVVVVVVVe your husband and not anybody else from his family
Once a Sahabi came to Rasul Allah PBOH and complained that His old Father would take money from the sons home without permission, from what I understand the answer the son got was Your Father is entitled to everything you own, if he the Father asks for it! **Ladies don't understand that, ofcourse wives property is off limits. **
Yeah she’s a jerk coz her kids come before her greedy in laws. If you read anything at all that she wrote, then you’d know she’s justified in being upset about them. Your kids and their needs always come before ppl who don’t care abt your needs t all, but just need the money to “keep up with the joneses.”
The reason I got a job was to help take the financial burden of my husband after my SIL was divorced, so yes, I do contribute to what we send. We don't do the 'yours and mine', everything is put into joint accounts and the bills are paid from that. I was perfectly happy staying home with my kids, and wish that I was still able to do so.
What is wrong with you? First of all, my ILs DID NOT raise my husband, his khala did, and she is one of the kindest most generous women I have ever had the privelage of knowing. They did not pay for his university education, we did. Who said my family are angels? I didn't. They too have their faults, and so do I. I do love my in-laws, and do my best to fulfill obligations that I never expected to have. After awhile, the constant demands and lack of appreciation really wear you down.
