Why do Pakistanis seem to think that those of us in the US have a money tree growing in the backyard? I completely understand sending money for expenses, and extras at weddings at Eid, but is going shopping in Dubai or loaning out big sums to friends and relatives really a necessity? Every time we turn around it’s something else. We just came back from Pakistan, where we dropped enough cash to pay for a year of university at a great school, and the phone calls have already started. Why is it that desi parents think of their sons as cash cows, and then turn on the “I sacrificed” nonsense when their sons don’t immediately cough up?
Men (19 year old boys need not reply), how do you cope with the financial demands?
Oh man reminds me of my dad, hes in a weird financial situation right now(moving business and tis SLOW) but my relatives demands back home havent stoped, from cars to houses, to college expenses. Its CRAZY! If they were considerate or appriciative i wouldnt have such a big issue but they say things like "its leftover money they give us, anyoene can do that" WHAT???? left over money??? They think my dad doesnt love them and sends money as a favor. NO **** sherlock it IS a favor. Arggghhh these people make me mad!
He does say no, but when he does, then all hell breaks lose and the phone calls come at all hours of the day until we finally give in. We already send a set amount monthly that is very generous, and extra on Eids, kids birthdays, weddings, and other occasions, but not a month goes by without a "special request" of some sort.
I am jsut curious guys (ashy and Anil), should amana and her husband ignore their own kids' day to day necessaties and instead send money for a new car when not needed or for someone's bday?? Should your own family not be considerate?
Setting priorities is important. Sometimes your parents come first and other times it's your kids and wife. These priorities should be communicated within the family and the family members should be willing to understand them as well. Dad's new car versus son's education..well, the answer is not rocket science, really.
Obviously, sending money for new cars is a bit much when money is tight. My personal opinion is that one should use common sense about these things. If the money is used for luxuries then a civil conversation must be had; if the money is used for groceries etc then it should definitely be sent NO QUESTIONS ASKED.
I think you should send over what you can afford or what you can spare. Your husband has a duty towards you and the kids as well. In Pakistan they will never be happy, they will always want more and they will never appreciate you generosity. I am glad we don't not have anyone back there. You should tell them that there are no money trees in your garden.
That’s absolute trash. You can’t support your own family and be expected to support extended family for stupid material things, I don’t think so. And I think this is why amana mentioned that 19 year old boys shouldn’t reply.
why dont u tell your husband to have a talk with them and lay out his entire budget for them. let them know exactly how much he can spare and that its not fair for them to be holding parties there with the same money he can use for his kids education?
Then just don't give it amana. You already give monthly contributions and give what you can afford. Giving anything more than that when you can't even afford it is unacceptable. Your husband should realise this. There is also no need for him to feel guilty when they make remarks about how you are not their choice, and that he should make up for it by providing them with even more money.
Have you ever tried not giving the extra money? I am sure they will be angry and cause a big drama, but they still won't cut ties with you.
tell them a loan is effectively a debt that u cannot afford!
just let them know there is a certain amount u can spare. they might emotionally blackmail but for how long? they DO want whatever money u can give them dont they? be persistent!
You need to stop thinking from the heart and use your brain in these situations. Say no when you can't spare the money. You don't need to explain further than letting them know you don't have "extra" cash to give away and you are on a tight budget.
Giving in to these demands is not a solution. Take control, don't get emotional and most importantly set expectations which you can live upto without sacrificing needs of your immediate family.
he said his money is for his family, and you should open your heart and stop being so stingy..
just quit sending them money, at least they'll never bug you again.from what you've said about them now and in teh past, they seem like selfish people..your first priority are your kids and own necessities, and don't let them guilt trip you in to giving for stupid reasons.
it's one thing to give money to poor relatives for groceries/rent, and gifts for hte kids on Eid/weddings/birthdays etc, but it's another when they keep demanding a new car every few years and other bull like that.