The Man's experience in Rishta Hunting

[multani86]

Re: The Man’s experience in Rishta Hunting

@madz124

Girls abroad don’t import grooms from back home because generally speaking, Pakistani guys (everywhere) want to have the upper hand in a marriage. This certainly doesn’t apply in every case but it is true in many peoples’ experience.

I have considered sponsoring a guy from Pakistan. So let me explain the thought process:

Potential pros of importing a groom from Pakistan:

• larger pool to choose from
• traditional (in a good way)
• non-experienced (or not as experienced as compared to the guys in the west) in the dating/relationship scene
• shareef, good family
• knows about and follows Islam and Pakistani culture (western born and bred guys can be very anti-Pakistan)

Potential cons of importing a groom from Pakistan:

• Lengthy sponsorship process
• Difficult to get to know him and his family when both parties live worlds apart
• There is no guarantee he will be shareef, bhola bhaala, virgin, traditional, practicing Muslim etc.
• He may have many objections to the western culture/dress code/social interactions/female independence/etc once he experiences the lifestyle here
• He may not be willing to treat the girl equally/fairly and help her out in the house
• He may object to the girl’s family “interfering” too much when in reality, the girl’s family just wants to help make his transition easier
• He may need to upgrade his studies
• He may not speak English very well
• He may have to wait a long time to find a decent job in his field
  (^ despite not having a job, he may be against family planning)
• He may have a huge ego and insecurity issues, so he might react negatively to being sponsored and being dependent on the girl (initially) for financial and emotional support
• He may be using the girl for nationality and not really sincere to her
• He may not adjust well to life abroad, especially if he comes from a family where they had a family business/estate and he was “managing” that (waking up when he wants, yelling at his subordinates, leaving work when he wants or sometimes not even going to work) as opposed to being employed and working under someone.
• There is a chance, at some point, he might want to move back home permanently

A couple of my girl friends went the sponsorship route over the last couple years. Three of them sponsored their cousin and got a divorce within the first couple years of him coming here. One of them had just found out she was pregnant when the divorce papers came and she decided to abort the baby.
Three other friends got married in Pakistan and sponsored the guy. They all are doing well mashallah, but when my mom talks to their mom, they always hint that it is a huge adjustment and the guys from there expect VIP treatment after coming here. So you have an unemployed ghar jamaai who sits on his behind all day long and when the wifey comes home from work, he will ask her to get him a glass of water or ask him how his day was instead of it being the other way around.

Again, I’m in no way suggesting that this applies to everyone. I’m just sharing my experience and what I’ve seen in my circle. I did initially consider guys from Pakistan and I found these “stories” that I had heard to be very applicable in my cases. The guys that I talked to, they think Allah made them “man” therefore everyone should bow down to them. And even though they can’t wait to get out of Pakistan, their perception of the west (and Pakistani girls in the west) is very negative.

Their motive is to go abroad, earn lots of money and sponsor the rest of their family but they don’t necessarily respect their wife and her lifestyle and her family’s struggles… in their heart, they believe girls in Pakistan are the best and had they been willing to put up with the crappy system in Pakistan, they could’ve scored a better deal in terms of prettier/tamer/more obedient wife…regardless of what they have to offer in return.

You’ve driven a nail right through the coffin with this one. Someone needs to sticky this…for any girl thinking about importing a groom.