We all lament our stories of girls going through the tea parade, Rishta aunties and their crass comments, families coming to view you, family demands of whether you will work, how you’ll work, etc, what you’re wearing the day he sees you, the color of your dupatta or the cost of your dupatta, the string of dawats and being shown off to boys, the judgements towards your appearance, and all the other lovely topics on GS.
Seems like the girls are putting in a lot of effort to find guys, as are their parents. To a point that it’s nearly a competition between girls to find a nice guy.
What’s going on with the guys, what problems are they facing? Why do rishta aunties have a handful of good guys and loads of good girls to show off? Check out: Facebook, and most of the profiles he has posted on his website are girls. Where are the guys?
Go online to desi or muslim dating websites, and again mostly girls.
Where are the guys??
-notable exceptions in my experience have been half our deen, but it’s mostly mini-maulvis looking for their hijabi stay at home, ready to bear 15 kids neo-Islamists - most of those guys did go to college at least.
But other websites - a bulk of those men are immigrants looking to trick some American or European girl into marriage for visa and money access.
So where are all the normal guys going? Are they just not looking? Are they leaving it to their moms, and they tend to network amongst trusted family members, which results in most brides coming from Pakistan leaving American and European girls with worse difficulty in finding spouses? Are they just not caring anymore and they simply are happy to court a non-muslim girl and marry her?
not completely, but very important factors...so yea.
see there is an increasing gap of what guys want and what women have to offer..... thing is,what guys want they can get in abundance from the 'home countries' however girls can't find the guys anywhere........ get my point?
I dont think many normal men under the age of 30 are going through the rishta process. A lot of them say they're going to wait till after they turn 30 and in the meantime they end up finding someone through mutual friends or at school/work or something.. how convenient! :P
I dunno about all the chai and paratha making girls in Pakistan, but if u get anywhere close to the upper middle class, most of the girls I've seen haven't done any housework all their lives (apart from maybe setting and clearing the table, making chai etc.) becaus they always had so much domestic help that it was never needed. When these girls get married and move to us/uk they find it difficult because they expected a (positive) change in lifestyle but not all the housework that comes with it. They miss their maasis, cooks, drivers etc. When I was studying in uni there were a few Pakistani masters students who had just gotten married and come with their wives. All of them had the same issues. Another recent friend I made (married for 6-7 years, 3 kids, moved from pak) said she was finding it very hard in the beginning and that she had never ironed a guys shirt in her life! So never ironed her dads shirt or her husbands shirt prior to moving there. Anyway she was not completely waited on hand and foot, she did cook, but she had maids to do the prep work and clean up, so basically cooking like ur hosting a cooking show (which I love btw, prepped veggie and meat makes it feel like no work at all :) ) .
So there's this misconception about how all the girls in pak are so suggarr. I've mostly seen that the girls living in the west and middle east have always had a habit of doing more housework no matter where the come from (unless for whatever reason their moms didn't let them raise a finger).
I remember when I was 10 or something and my mom used to make me put laundry out to dry sometimes or fold laundry, do some dusting around the house and set/clear the table. We had these guests from Karachi who were close friends of our relatives, stayed for 2 weeks. They had a daughter my age and one who was younger. So she actually told my mom k bhabi aap it a kaam karwati Haen. And this was all light housework, that's the first time I really realized that all girls don't help around in their house. We never had a maid or house help till after I was married. So whenever we were hosting guest for weeks on end it was my mom doing all the heavy lifting, so I don't feel like I was made to work too hard or too soon. Btw I have gotten lazy over the years and now that I have house help I might come into the category of girls I was talking about earlier if I ever have to move to the west again :).
Most of the eligible bachelors are taken by divorced ladies out there… I mean they marry then get divorced then get married then get divorced … I mean 1 divorced lady marrying to 2 & 3 unmarried decent guys leaving less unmarried guys( which are already less in number) for unmarried girls …. & this thing is going the other way round too ….. divorced guys marrying unmarried ladies …kya masla he in logo ko….. . I mean why you lot just not get married to one another & leave the unmarried guys/gals for other unmarried people out there in a society….
Females are more in number as compared to males in this world …. Why??? we all know that is coz of wars & all that jazz guys getting killed bla bla …females don’t want to participate because in this particular situation its convenient for them although both genders are equal…. anyways …. So there are less guys & more gals ….. & half of those decent guys are taken by divorced ladies ….. yeh decent larko ko aise khati he jaise hum daily basis pe french fries khaate he ….
I dunno about all the chai and paratha making girls in Pakistan, but if u get anywhere close to the upper middle class, most of the girls I've seen haven't done any housework all their lives (apart from maybe setting and clearing the table, making chai etc.) becaus they always had so much domestic help that it was never needed. When these girls get married and move to us/uk they find it difficult because they expected a (positive) change in lifestyle but not all the housework that comes with it. They miss their maasis, cooks, drivers etc. When I was studying in uni there were a few Pakistani masters students who had just gotten married and come with their wives. All of them had the same issues. Another recent friend I made (married for 6-7 years, 3 kids, moved from pak) said she was finding it very hard in the beginning and that she had never ironed a guys shirt in her life! So never ironed her dads shirt or her husbands shirt prior to moving there. Anyway she was not completely waited on hand and foot, she did cook, but she had maids to do the prep work and clean up, so basically cooking like ur hosting a cooking show (which I love btw, prepped veggie and meat makes it feel like no work at all :) ) .
So there's this misconception about how all the girls in pak are so suggarr. I've mostly seen that the girls living in the west and middle east have always had a habit of doing more housework no matter where the come from (unless for whatever reason their moms didn't let them raise a finger).
I remember when I was 10 or something and my mom used to make me put laundry out to dry sometimes or fold laundry, do some dusting around the house and set/clear the table. We had these guests from Karachi who were close friends of our relatives, stayed for 2 weeks. They had a daughter my age and one who was younger. So she actually told my mom k bhabi aap it a kaam karwati Haen. And this was all light housework, that's the first time I really realized that all girls don't help around in their house. We never had a maid or house help till after I was married. So whenever we were hosting guest for weeks on end it was my mom doing all the heavy lifting, so I don't feel like I was made to work too hard or too soon. Btw I have gotten lazy over the years and now that I have house help I might come into the category of girls I was talking about earlier if I ever have to move to the west again :).
There are more females bcoz they get the traffic for these websites. Ever saw a match making sight with an a guy in its ad? but u will see a lot with just a girl.
I think that has more to do with the guys mom than himself. Girls who've grown up in the west tend to have a poor rep back home. I have no idea what they base this on, but they tend to see us as harder to "control". I'm not saying everyone thinks that but I've definitely noticed this in some families.
Lol at how bitter I am about divorced people … I am not bitter … its about doing justice as an individual ...… it affects the society we are living in …why marry a guy who is unmarried when you can clearly marry someone divorced like you…… why divorced ladies are so much into unmarried guys ..i don’t get it ??? this is one of the main reasons why unmarried girls are not getting married ….
If the divorced woman and unmarried man (or vice-versa) are happy with it, then it's nobody else's business.
To OP from what i have heard of my friends many have found Pakistani girls in college, through common family friends. If they were non traditional they married a non traditional pakistani girl they met at social group, like Pakistani society or something, or they married a white revert, a non Pakistani Muslim girl like Indian or Arab Muslim girl. Some who were non religious married a Christian or Jewish girl. Those who are single and looking for specifically Pakistani girls try to find people through real life events or professional networking events.
I do not think Pakistani girls living abroad should feel compelled to limit themselves. If they find a good non Pakistani Muslim guy who can adjust to Pakistani culture then why should there be harm in pursuing the rishta.
For one, why do women limit themselves to settled-abroad guys?
Why don’t they import grooms from back home and increase their pool of potential husbands, just like vice versa?
Oh wait. Because they don’t want their spouses interest in and attraction to them to be ‘poisoned’ by their green card. I guess the men have a thing or two to learn from women about pride and self-respect.
[mod]I have removed off-topic, disrespectful, and irrelevant posts. Please refrain from personal attacks and bickering. If it happens again, infraction points will be issued.
Please do not change the topic of this thread. If you wish to discuss a different topic (such as who someone can and cannot marry), start another thread.[/mod]
Yes I think the ones back home are easier to "control". They will not have done housework before but will accept the chais Parathas and mil's footstool as their fate. The non imported wives will want to go halfsies on the chores, chai is easy so hubby should make a cup for wife too, Parathas ... grab some totillas, if u deep fry them they become puriyaan, and if u cooking spray saikofy them they become Parathay voila! And mils gonna have to find another footstool sorry.
Yes I think the ones back home are easier to "control". They will not have done housework before but will accept the chais Parathas and mil's footstool as their fate. The non imported wives will want to go halfsies on the chores, chai is easy so hubby should make a cup for wife too, Parathas ... grab some totillas, if u deep fry them they become puriyaan, and if u cooking spray saikofy them they become Parathay voila! And mils gonna have to find another footstool sorry.
Why are you and some other chicks so bitter? Its their life and their choice. It's not that they are forcing these women on gun point to marry them.
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