Re: The first year of Marriage
khair, u wont know until uve been in one urself
Re: The first year of Marriage
is it fine to talk to the girl you are gonna get married soon about your past relationships ... and about joking saying things.. like i will throw you from swiss alps or from train .. or in front of the bus.. etc..etc.. ?
Still there will be less hurdles compared to an arranged marriage.
When you know your partner before marriage, you know atleast 50% about him/her. So there you go, 50% of the hurdles already gone :D.....but with an arrange marriage......all possibilities remain ;)
but au contraire young shazi. you think you know, but real life experiences beg to differ. Refer to Puchi Kuchi's post--arranged marriage, but whirlwhind first year..and TLK's thread--love marriage but difficult first years.
My point is..no matter how logical and reasonable your thinking is....real life doesnt always follow suit.
Re: The first year of Marriage
Sara is right..The first time I ever met my husband was when he came to my house to see a potential rishta 'me'. We did baat pakki within 3 months and we got married within the next 6 months..in that space of time we didn't meet up so much as he lived in a different city etc, so the only time we got to meet up properly was when we went to each other's house with family...the real crunch came when we got hitched and I moved in with him.
Of course you have fears, expectations, habits which you can't somehow express all of a sudden because there's only so much of each other that you know...the best thing is to be sincere, caring and loving from your side...you still have to make an effort and when it's both of you doing it you really get to enjoy it.
I think i sometimes miss my single life, but alhamdulillah Allah has been really merciful to me and I wouldn't go back to it ever. I am not that great kay my marriage is great..maybe it's a mixture of kismat and leaving it to Allah swt which helps you along the way - oh and a little bit of compromise and loving goes far too ;-)
Sara is right..The first time I ever met my husband was when he came to my house to see a potential rishta 'me'. We did baat pakki within 3 months and we got married within the next 6 months..in that space of time we didn't meet up so much as he lived in a different city etc, so the only time we got to meet up properly was when we went to each other's house with family...the real crunch came when we got hitched and I moved in with him.
Of course you have fears, expectations, habits which you can't somehow express all of a sudden because there's only so much of each other that you know...the best thing is to be sincere, caring and loving from your side...you still have to make an effort and when it's both of you doing it you really get to enjoy it.
I think i sometimes miss my single life, but alhamdulillah Allah has been really merciful to me and I wouldn't go back to it ever. I am not that great kay my marriage is great..maybe it's a mixture of kismat and leaving it to Allah swt which helps you along the way - oh and a little bit of compromise and loving goes far too ;-)
Good luck - nice to hear successfull marriages All the best
Re: The first year of Marriage
^ agree with all of the above postings. the first year is the biggest adjustment period- you're living with a permanent roommate :). no matter love or arranged marriage, you never know someone 100% until you've lived with them. little things could irk you or make you love the person even more ;).
love, compromise and open communication will get you through it.
alhamdulillah, we just celebrated our first anniversary and pray for infinite more inshallah!
Re: The first year of Marriage
My uncle was with his girlfriend for 6 years. He married her. A year later they split up :( I thought they made a lovely couple too. She said she was used to living by herself and wanted that, as in her own home with him, But my uncle wanted to stay with his mummy n daddy. Oh well.....
Our first two years were pretty stressful...and my marriage was love-then-arranged-because-it-made-the-families-look-good.
During the first year we contended with a long distance relationship, then during that time I lost a close family member which stressed me out and as my husband wasn't around I think that stressed him out too. I went through health issues which caused added stress, he was finishing his education and I was in the process of setting up a business....so yeah stressful.
But inshallah we'll be celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary in April.
Once we took away the following stresses we were fine:
the long distance
the finishing off of education
finding jobs
interferring family....on both frickin' sides!!!
the misunderstandings that come with the situation of two-lives-becoming-one
adjusting to the other person
If we hadn't of gone through what we did go through we wouldn't know the value of the other person in our relationship.
Re: The first year of Marriage
Infact, the first year of your marriage is the MOST IMPORTANT year by all aspects.
Expectations are made, and Understanding is what so much wanted.. and what, which deals such situation, is a wise brain :) Suggestions to most of the girls, is to hold patience in beginning.. you will spend rest years in REST ;) this is a tip.. Believe me :)