The first year of Marriage

Lifestyle Relationships
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bollywood and hollywood and other wood films are to blame! they all paint such a rosy picture of what romance is,relationships are etc,too bad life isnt like the movies. my first year of marriage was hard cos me and hubby were apart,for our second year too, so by the time we came to properly live together,i guess it was a relief our seperation was over and it was just a nice year in general lol. there were a few hiccups, but nothing majorly personal, mainly stuff like hubby finding it hard to get a job etc.

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Re: The first year of Marriage

Bollywood? Re: Chalte Chalte, Nikah, Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna, Silsilay Etc Etc.

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That sounds really nice :) just simple and happy! I'd be more than satisfied with that. After the struggle good things will indeed come.

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Ours was kind of similar, we were apart for a year and a half before we lived together. once we started living together, it was sitll difficult because of our circumstances.... its jus been tough all around.
Its easy to blaem bollywood but there are those who don't believe in it. I personally never watched a movie and if i did i was smart enough to know relationships aren't always like that. i always knew that marriages requried compromise and sacrifice......but i still found it really difficult to adjust and deal with some things our first..2-3 years.

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^ i tihnk lots of people are so happy when they get married, they see it as such a wonderful day,they have a wonderful honeymoon etc, that they sorta expect the wonderfulness to carry on until they have an argument with their partner, or they irritate each other, or they are inconsiderate or whatever. no 2 people are the same so i think for pretty much every couple, the first year s hard cos its all about re-adjustment and learning about each other(for a lot of desi couple anyway lol),about each others habits. it can take getting used to.

initially after i married,whilst spending time with hubby before coming home i was really happy, then we had our first argument and i was like omg this is not what i dreamt about lol. we were both generally a lot more sensitive towards each other, but now we're used to each other, i can take the pi** out of him and i know he wont take it to heart and vice versa lol. we both grew up a bit lol(and still growing:D)

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Re: The first year of Marriage

The point here is that while it is a great time it comes with it's set of challenges, to tell someone that there are no adjustments or compromises or tough decisions or days would be misguiding people. It is not about saying that it's a miserable year by any means but that one has to know and be ready to deal with things. Going in expecting that there would be no adjustment is just headed for a reality check later. :)

ICC suspends Yasir Shah after positive dope test
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Re: The first year of Marriage

^ totally agree

Sara, I was never told by anyone that the first year was easy.. infact the other way around. That the first year or two may be tough, but it gets easier as time goes on. And it does... and i personally believe, its the challenges, the hurdles that we face together that make the marriage stronger..

We've been married for 4 years now, Mashallah.. and i hope i can make that 40+ years.. something i pray for all the time. Despite our little setbacks here and there, the arguments here and there... if u have the strength to make ur relationship grow.. if U really want that, I think a couple can achieve anything. Seriously

I had never lived with anyone other than my parents.. and i didnt know anyone else out there who was not close to their family members.. so when i got married and had to deal with not making my siblings and parents number one priority, that was tough.. not to mention all the other backward ideas i had about the world that needed to be changed.. so u can say, it was EXTREMELY tough on both of us... finances werent too bad... but we did have a bit of a loan to pay off after the wedding.. but luckily we both had jobs, so that helped..

khair, after 4 years, I do think we understand each other a lot more now... and i hope it just grows, Inshallah.

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Alhamdullillah, I had a wonderful first year and am now working my way towards completing a second great one.

I pray that we'll continue to be as happy.

I think one of the things that has really helped make this time together so great is tolerance. So many times I've noticed that arguments between a lot of married couples tend to erupt over small things that snowball over time. So both of us try to take a step back from the day to day irritants and calm ourselves by this mantra: "Yes....XY or Z about hubby irritates me. But I'm not perfect and I know I do plenty to irritate him so just let it go because it's not that big of a deal." That works 90% of the time. Just as an example...I'm a clutter bug and hubby is a neat freak. I know it must drive him insane sometimes the way he's constantly tripping over my things in light of his orderly habits. But he hasn't said a word about it. I asked him about it one time when even I got annoyed with myself as I was trying to find yet another misplaced item. And he basically told me that it's ok 'cause I work so hard to make a nice home for him and take care of him that he has no right to get upset over something that's really silly in comparison. He's a winner isn't he? :)

Privacy is helpful too...I mean it in the sense of keep one's marital issues WITHIN the marriage. Having problems with hubby? Discuss it with HUBBY!!! Don't tell your friends over coffee, don't talk about it with aunties at a shaadi...because the sad fact of it is, you can't trust people to keep their mouths shut and to not make a bad situation worse with their gossiping and adding fuel to the fire. Sometimes, you do need to talk it out with someone other than the spouse...but at least make sure that you can really trust that person and try keep the number of people that you tell to a minimum.

It doesn't have to be unpleasant...it does, however, take effort.

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We were poor and settling, were living in an apartment and many things but we were so happy with each other. We literally started our relationship with no balance, I had double fracture in my hands because we had a big accident after one week of marriage and no one was around. I had a hand surgery and after 3 mnths I got pregnant too. So yes it was pretty busy year but I don't know I still call it lovey dovey as we had time for ourselves and we were happy and always talking and romantic.:D

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Re: The first year of Marriage

First year of marriage!
Fun, childish, romantic...we just chilled out, did what the hell we wanted, travelled..booked weekends away, and had a good laugh! It was really natural alhamdulillah even though it was an arranged marriage and we hadn't really known each other for years and years yet it was so natural to live together. It probably helped that we were alone and nobody invaded our space, so we got to bond a hellava lot....

Second year of marriage is taking on more responsibility, getting to know your roles and doing the utmost for each others families...still fun and loving but thinking of the future now..

every year is a learning curve I guess, but with love and respect we can even enjoy the times when we don't have much to be happy about..

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Re: The first year of Marriage

has long as mr&mrs have good understanding, give each other space when required, be patient, firendly and have a good sense of humour then Inshllah u cant go wrong, also listen to each others problems share things, basically work has a team together do things @ home, cooking, cleaning etc and then chill out together for a meal r hols.

so b safe be good with ur partners n take it easy & have FUN

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Re: The first year of Marriage

UZ got pregnant? Isn't he the guy who pretends he has a freak wife?

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Re: The first year of Marriage

UZ is a guy?

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wrong thread?
I'm sure u mean Uzziel and not UZ (ume-zafeerah). cz she (UZ) is very much a female. :dont know about Uzziel.

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Re: The first year of Marriage

Well, it depends. If it's a love marriage and you knew your partner then i would say, first year of marriage, without doubt, would be wonderful.

If, however, it's an arrange marriage, and you have never met your partner before or don't know what he/she is like then things can be pretty bad, there are likely to be a lot of twists in relationship (taking into account MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL etc) and the relationship might well heat up before it cools down :D

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Re: The first year of Marriage

wonderful and challenging are not mutually exclusive.

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Re: The first year of Marriage

iShaz... even if its a love marriage and u knew ur partner before getting married... u still have hurdles and situations that can really wear u out.

Arranged or "love" marriages... have their own hurdles.

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Re: The first year of Marriage

But you are likely to face less hurdles if it's a love marriage......and if both your parents are okay with marriage then you will face little or no hurdles at all.

Whie with an arrange marriage, it's a completely different situation.

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Re: The first year of Marriage

^ i dont think so... u still have many hurdles.

Unless you've actually lived with the person.... u dont quite know them.

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Re: The first year of Marriage

Still there will be less hurdles compared to an arranged marriage.

When you know your partner before marriage, you know atleast 50% about him/her. So there you go, 50% of the hurdles already gone :D.....but with an arrange marriage......all possibilities remain ;)