Is that first year ever really that lovey-dovey as we all idealize it to be?
everone says the first year is the toughest for a couple to adjust to each other..and it makes sense..
Do people genuinely think marriage is a bed of roses? that the first year will not have nay fights, any arguments etc?
Isnt it time to change that ideal?
Re: The first year of Marriage
1) How much the guy's family is supportive
2) No Financial / Medical Problems within couple or in the immediate family
3) Respect & Understanding between each and other.
Hopefully this will make it lovely dovley.. !
Re: The first year of Marriage
Shadi k pehla saal normally eik dosrey ko TOPIAAAN pehney main nikel jata hai and next 10 years TOPIAAAN utarney main :)
its a wake up!!!!
Re: The first year of Marriage
it has its ups and downs, but a lot depends on circumstances
it was tough for us, she had never lived on her own and it was tough on her
I had not lived with even a roommate in years so it was tough for me just sharing space, being responsible for someone else or rather factor in someone else.
new city for both of us, my first fulltime job after MBA and it was a horrible, stressful job with a tool for a boss. I was constantly stressed, overworked and money was very tight, starting uo a new household, paying off some college loans, paying for her college since she had not finished
new place meant niether of us had our close friends around anyways nor family, that was tough too.
but aside from things being tough, we understood each other much better, grew together etc.
we dont remember the tough stuff, recall that we had hardships but fondly remember furnishing our first home and first roadtrips first dinners etc etc.
had things gone by initial plan we would not have been married for another year giving her time to finish her college and for me to get a little more set up with finances and settling in with work, and it would have been easier financially but then i suppose we would not have lived through that together and grown stronger together.
i quit that job a couple weeks before our first wedding anniversary and my next job was not starting for another month with a chance of it being delayed further, so to be prudent, we hd no big bash for our first anniversary, but ate at chilis, she had a buy one entree get one free coupon :) we chuckle about it now, but to both of us that was the best anniversary dinner.
Shadi k pehla saal normally eik dosrey ko TOPIAAAN pehney main nikel jata hai and next 10 years TOPIAAAN utarney main :)
lolzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Re: The first year of Marriage
The first year in a marriage is very crucial, and can have long lasting effects on the years to come. No, I don't think that everything is only lovey dovey in the first years. I personally feel that the first year of marriage is a somewhat difficult period, because you still have to learn so many things about each other(regardless of whether you knew each other befor or not), and at the same time trying to reconcile yourself to the new responsibilities and the expectations that you had before you got married. It's a fine balancing act, and if you are successful in achieving that in your first year, than rest of the ride becomes easier.
Re: The first year of Marriage
my 1st year of marriage was the worst or one of the worst .....
Re: The first year of Marriage
first year of marriage is going on.. its good and wonderful but still im trying to understand the family culture of my in laws
i think the 1st year of a marriage is tough , you both have ot get used to sharing space , finances , fulfilling each others expectations , especially if it was a love marriage .
to be honest it is nothing like you idealise it to be , not even close.
it is tough.
but i do admit marriage gets better over the years. you get ti know each other properly , you understand each others needs more and know what ticks your other half of and try and avoid that.
lastly you truly start to love each other.
it has its ups and downs, but a lot depends on circumstances it was tough for us, she had never lived on her own and it was tough on her I had not lived with even a roommate in years so it was tough for me just sharing space, being responsible for someone else or rather factor in someone else. new city for both of us, my first fulltime job after MBA and it was a horrible, stressful job with a tool for a boss. I was constantly stressed, overworked and money was very tight, starting uo a new household, paying off some college loans, paying for her college since she had not finished new place meant niether of us had our close friends around anyways nor family, that was tough too.
but aside from things being tough, we understood each other much better, grew together etc.
we dont remember the tough stuff, recall that we had hardships but fondly remember furnishing our first home and first roadtrips first dinners etc etc.
had things gone by initial plan we would not have been married for another year giving her time to finish her college and for me to get a little more set up with finances and settling in with work, and it would have been easier financially but then i suppose we would not have lived through that together and grown stronger together.
i quit that job a couple weeks before our first wedding anniversary and my next job was not starting for another month with a chance of it being delayed further, so to be prudent, we hd no big bash for our first anniversary, but ate at chilis, she had a buy one entree get one free coupon :) we chuckle about it now, but to both of us that was the best anniversary dinner.
awwww, you guys are too cute. MashAllah, may you have many more anniversaries like the first one.
Your lucky your wife is understanding and patient! Treat her well :)
it has its ups and downs, but a lot depends on circumstances it was tough for us, she had never lived on her own and it was tough on her I had not lived with even a roommate in years so it was tough for me just sharing space, being responsible for someone else or rather factor in someone else. new city for both of us, my first fulltime job after MBA and it was a horrible, stressful job with a tool for a boss. I was constantly stressed, overworked and money was very tight, starting uo a new household, paying off some college loans, paying for her college since she had not finished new place meant niether of us had our close friends around anyways nor family, that was tough too.
but aside from things being tough, we understood each other much better, grew together etc.
we dont remember the tough stuff, recall that we had hardships but fondly remember furnishing our first home and first roadtrips first dinners etc etc.
had things gone by initial plan we would not have been married for another year giving her time to finish her college and for me to get a little more set up with finances and settling in with work, and it would have been easier financially but then i suppose we would not have lived through that together and grown stronger together.
i quit that job a couple weeks before our first wedding anniversary and my next job was not starting for another month with a chance of it being delayed further, so to be prudent, we hd no big bash for our first anniversary, but ate at chilis, she had a buy one entree get one free coupon :) we chuckle about it now, but to both of us that was the best anniversary dinner.
wow mashAllah..:)
Re: The first year of Marriage
Alot really depends on the husband and the wife .. Personally , compromising is the bit that really saves you the hard work. I am learning to compromise on space, on finances, on wishes..... the biggest being , to keep quiet when he is angry ! thats the hardest part !
So yeah its the hardest time in a relationship, but how well you forget the arguments /cultural clashes and move on and enjoy the rest of the time, really depends on you ...
As a woman I do feel like I have had to change myself drastically in order to keep things happy at home and with the families ... I am happy I did them , though they were tough ... and I have realized the more I compromise for him, he responds back in every possible way and is becoming more and more caring ...
Happy times never come alone, they always come with some bad times too ... we just gotta learn to be happy in happy times and be resilient in bad times...
Re: The first year of Marriage
first yr was definitely a wake-up call. i remember crying a lot during that time, i started by lowering my own expectations and staying positive throughout with no family interference, it paid off :) all pre-conceived notions regarding a marriage should be tossed outta the window before starting out, we might assume we know all there is to know but its all relative and should be tackled on a case by case basis.
we hd no big bash for our first anniversary, but ate at chilis, she had a buy one entree get one free coupon :) we chuckle about it now, but to both of us that was the best anniversary dinner.
last anniversary i was in the hospital. we made it up a few weeks later though, and got take out chinese....in those days it was a real treat. :D
Re: The first year of Marriage
It is DEFINITELY a bed of roses. Just don't keep any expectations :D
Re: The first year of Marriage
The first year is meant to be all lovey dovey because you don't care about worldly things. You don't care about how someone cooks, you do endless stupid things just to make the other one happy. You are just giddy. carefree...
We actually lost touch with the world for about 6 months - had to emerge out. :D It was nice.
Then... before you know it you are back to jobs, and careers, and house stuff.
It varies. Like say some people take their first year at course very seriously n they need all the time n effort to adjust to it where as others may chill in the 1st year n then its gets hard for them. I think somehow these r similiar situations. However ofcourse married people would be able to give a better idea of it.
In my thinking, for most 1st year is pretty hard cuz it requires alot of adjusting but when u succed in that it becomes easy or so i think n hope.
The first year is meant to be all lovey dovey because you don't care about worldly things. You don't care about how someone cooks, you do endless stupid things just to make the other one happy. You are just giddy. carefree...
We actually lost touch with the world for about 6 months - had to emerge out. :D It was nice.
Then... before you know it you are back to jobs, and careers, and house stuff.
Sounds like bliss compared to what the others are saying lol.
Re: The first year of Marriage
it's perspective Amor -
I can harp on that I hadn't even graduated yet. We had little money. We lived in crappy apartment but what I remember is that we held hands, he use to sing to me and we a lot of candle lit dinners on the floor.
It's just a carefree time to enjoy each other