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dunno…
umm, if thats what walima means, then i wouldnt have to worry cuz the ‘it’ has probably been done a long time ago
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on a more serious note, i thought walima meant reception. honestly i dont think it matters what it means. im sure this custom is designed for horny guys (maybe even gals?) who just cant wait another second.
personally i’d wait till the honeymoon or sumtin similar. it would be quite a mess for the bride on the first night cuz that means removing that 200 pound dress which takes about 5 hours to put on and off.
many of our customs come from 1000 yr old traditions adapted from hindus and other cultures in the subcontinend. does anyone have any insight on this from an islamic point of view?
valima is just a reception after marriage and it has nothing to do with sex. it is an islamic tradition. a sunnah. and the prophet PBUH has ordered it.
*Nikamma kya is dil nay
Is dil nay kya hay Nikamma *
agreed wiz dewana tera !!
by the way its difficult for both dulha n dulhan to perform it that night .. cuz poor chaps get dead tired off all those maami/chaachi stuff in their marriage ceremony ..
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dil dariya, samandaron donge .. kaun dillan di- yan jane ..
jane na jane gul hi na jane .. baggh to sara jane .. ;~)
[This message has been edited by NaasPeeta (edited May 23, 2002).]
[quote]
Originally posted by cHEeGUm:
personally i'd wait till the honeymoon or sumtin similar. it would be quite a mess for the bride on the first night cuz that means removing that 200 pound dress which takes about 5 hours to put on and off.
[/quote]
ROTFL! Oye cHEeGUm... Man, you crack me up.
Do you think the bride will sleep in that "200 pound dress" or do you plan to keep her dressed in that "200 pound dress" till you go for the honeymoon? :)
"5 hours" is too much even from exagerration standpoint. It hardly takes more than 5 minutes to take off any dress. Taking off the elaborate make up, although, takes a bit of time.
pristine bhai,
- thankyou for making a total achaar of my beautifully scripted post brimming of untamed sarcasm. true ofcourse the bride cannot be expected to sleep in that 200 pound bullet proof armor. hmmm.. u know u have a point there
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- im really not comfortable with a bride wearing those overdone ghararas and shararas and phararas tararas. im willing to bet they’re much more heavier than they look. i really wish marriages could be conducted in a plain, serene manner in a simple cotton dress. any shadi shuda ladies care to pitch in?
[This message has been edited by cHEeGUm (edited May 23, 2002).]
so far we have…
- it would be easier to do it on the first nite if the couple are in love, or have shared some ‘hanky panky’ relationship prior to marriage. btw..i’m not so sure, i reckon it would be easier, but not entirely. it still requires one of you to summon the courage and take command, and who does this…is it the poor hubby?
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-
woul dbe much difficult to hop into the sack first time, for an aranged couple, cos they don’t even know each other. once again, i reckon its not as baaad as everyone is making it out to be. Sex has to be done at some point. its inevitable. why not do it on the wedding nite, instead of have this cloud hanging over each other’s heads, both knowing full well that its gonna happen sooner or later. also, the longer you postpone it, surely the more difficult it would become to revisit the issue, and bring it up again? in kinda increases the tension between both of ya…
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one thing i gotta agree on with respect to previous posts on dis topic. the marriage ceremony does take its toll on both bride, and bridegroom, and i’m sure by the time the last person’s left, and they are finally left alone, they both are so knackered that the only thing on their mind is zzzzzz
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solution: quit having fancy weddings where 1000+ ppl are invited. Theres more blessings in a small wedding, in which the least expenses are involved! this also prevents fatigue, and allows the married couple to save their energy for THE FIRST NIGHT…
keep the posts coming guys…makes for a good read!
..deleted..
on second thought, i would like to keep my experience private.
[This message has been edited by nomaan (edited May 24, 2002).]
[This message has been edited by nomaan (edited May 24, 2002).]
Yes please do!
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**Pyaar bhi zindagi ki tarah hota hay.
Hur mor asan nahin hota, hur mor pay khushi nahin milti;
Pur jub hum zindagi ka saath nahin chortay to pyaar ka saath kyon chorayn
**
Lest those of you who have limited knowledge, go away with the wrong impression, let me try to clarify something.
Marriage is usually a very special ocassion in the lives of both the bride and the groom. It is usually preceded by weeks of preparation and anticipation. In a typical wedding, the wedding day itself is full of activity and the night stretches to the wee hours by the time rukhsati takes place and the photographers take their leave. Its true that the bride wears heavy dresses and an heavier makeup.
But none of that compares to the magic of what follows. For those who care about these things (i.e. those who chose not to engage in pre-marital sexual liasons), the marriage contract (nikkah) is that something special which no other relationship provides to you. And for most brides and grooms, that simple piece of paper transforms a lot of things.
No one will say that it is mandatory to consummate the marriage on the first night, however, its probably not far from truth to say that most marriages do get consummated on the first night anyway. Its not out of some sort of social, religious or biological compulsion. Its simply because this is what both partners want.
To those who do not understand this thing at this point, you will, when you get to that point in your lives.
And if either of the partners do not wish to do so, there is no religious or moral code which dictates that you have to do it on the first night. If you hear anything to the contrary, its probably a twisted and frustrated male who came up with that bogus ruling.
awww Pristine you explained in such a nice manner, I am touched by it. I have also heard that after signing the nikkah papers and tieing the bond, the feelings of the couple changes to eachother. I don't know how or why but this must be something that God gives as a gift to the couple.
wow pristine, aap ne to hadh kardi…you just killed ma thread!
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hehe, thanks for that, now if you don’tmind, your wisdom is needed in cafe…‘long distance relationships…do they work?’
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sadi, nice one, never thought of it that way, but i’m sure it happens!
I dont really know if couples are allowed to get to really know each other WELL before marriage today in Pakistan, but from my limited experience on the matters, most couples I have seen dont have this luxury...
stupid culture...really, there's nothing unislamic about letting the couple to get to know each other before the marriage...you dont need to deal with the whole first night issue then...cuz ur already in love.
First off, I would rather spend my life as an old maid than get an arranged marriage...second off, If circumstances were beyond my control, and my hubby was a stranger to me...well, he can wait 6 months just for punishment before he's getting any!
PyariCgudia THANK YOU
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I could’nt of said it better myself
“By Allah I long to escape the prison of my ego and lose myself in the mountains and deserts , these sad and lonely people tire me” —Rumi
hehe, that renders you out of action for six months two!
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aren’t you in need of it just as much? don’t women have just as big a sex drive than men? sure it varies from person to person, but i’m speaking generally. this thread is hereby redirected…
DO WOMEN HAVE A SEX DRIVE? DOES PYARICGUDIA HAVE A SEX DRIVE AT ALL?
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comments?
I have the heart of a child. Its in a jar on my desk.
Lol
of course I have a sex drive. I'm 19 now. By the time I get married (after I finish grad school) I'll be 26 ... If I've waited that long for my first, then I dont think waiting 6 more months is going to be much of a problem.
And my sex drive is well intact, thank-you.
Plus, the satisfaction I'll get for torturing a man that I dont want to be married to in the first place will more than make-up for the six months.
Do you realise that if you took the ‘u’ out of suhaag, you would get the word shaag, or basically, shag
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[This message has been edited by alooparatha (edited June 13, 2002).]
very observant of you aloo paratha. shag night. but thats if the dulhal is missing
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PCG, cars parked in the garage for 6 years get rusty and their batteries die down.
i think what rebs means is that its always better to test drive your sex drive once in a while to keep it in tip top condition !
[quote]
Originally posted by PyariCgudia:
**Lol
of course I have a sex drive. I'm 19 now. By the time I get married (after I finish grad school) I'll be 26 ... If I've waited that long for my first, then I dont think waiting 6 more months is going to be much of a problem.
And my sex drive is well intact, thank-you.
Plus, the satisfaction I'll get for torturing a man that I dont want to be married to in the first place will more than make-up for the six months.**
[/quote]
PCG, please don't take this the wrong way. I don't think in this day and age you will last another 7 years (by the time you are 26) without having some form of physical relationship. There is a big difference in thinking at 19 and 25 years of age. You are young therefore more idealistic, and assume you can hold out. What if you meet the man of your dreams in the next few years.
There is a reason why older ladies insist on getting girls married off quickly. It's got nothing to do with being left on the shelf.
Cheegum, what’s dulhal.
BTW I agree with your analogy of the rusty car and batteries