For those who have oh do tell me what I’m missing?!
and honestly girls… how can you allow youself to be humiliated in such a manner?!
Re: the famous tea serving ceremony!! 
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um, not that i’m an expert by any means… laykin, do girls really have a choice whether or not they want to participate in the ‘ceremony’? i mean, it’s not whether or not they “allow” it - what alternatives do they have? Stay in their room and refuse to come out while the other family comes over for a visit? Not really feasible.
i’ll shut up now.
thats exactly what i used to do nadya!! but i did that for the sole purpose of rejecting ANY rishtaas since i already had someone else in mind!! But it isn't that bad Waqas, you just go and serve em something to drink and sit there and fake smile and go back to ur room! girls are just good at ACTING!!
Ive only been through that once in my life, and honestly, I feel uncomfortable.. God only knows how the girl feels!
aww
i remember one of my Phuppis talking about this (she got married relatively late, at least by Pakistani cultural standards). Families used to come over constantly to ‘see’ her and she would have to do the whole drill - serve chai, carry the tray properly, etc. i remember her talking to my Ammi about it in her room, and she would be crying afterwards because she felt so degraded. She had no choice, though… she wasn’t allowed to stay in her room and hide out.
Waisay, to be balanced i should say - the ceremony itself may not be degrading if it is handled ‘properly’ (i am not an expert), laykin the way it was done with her … that was a degrading experience for her.
By the grace of Allah she is happily married now and has three young, healthy sons. Her husband adores her and vice versa. i hope, when the time comes for her to look around for daughters-in-law for her sons, she’ll ensure it’s not as a degrading experience for the laRkiyaan as it used to be for her.
hmmm...i agree with Nadia....frankly speaking...whats the biggie with it? i used to think that it was insulting n humiliating for the girl but now i reckon the girl can just take it easy n try not to be too sensitive abt it...i mean if this is what is happenning in 90% of the households and girls know this is how it is gona be then bas khayr hae...
i have never gone thru it so dono how it would feel but i dont think it would be such a big deal...neither have any of my friends gone thru it tho i think one or two cousins might have...
in pakistan 90% of the times when a girl who is in her 20's and not married goes to any social event, there's gotta be some aunties, even guys these days considering how some marriages n social events etc r mixed, observing her for the purpose of marriage...
its just normal and i think most girls get used to it tho sometimes it is a bit uncomfy...so i think khayr hae, i dont consider it super insulting or degrading or anything...
hmmm ive never been thru that in the whole rishta sense... but i guess theres no big deal in it....
gosh a gal does it enuff times in her life ... i mean when guests come over and u gotta be the one serving all the chai and preparing all the sweets...
but the one time i did have to see a guy.. i refused to have him over..
the whole scenario is absurd to me
hmmm,
served tons of tea to my parents friends when i was younger...but never in that situation...so i don't know what i think of this ceremony?
knowing me...i'll probably be tooo silly to do the whole shy thing!
I never knew till now that this existed, i thought it just happened in stupid movies, but it find out today that this thing exists, i dont think its bad but it is halarious. lol
I never ever served chai to whoever came to chk me out. Just would go, sit and try to chat as normally one can in these situations. Infact when my husband's family came a couple of times to meet me before our marriage I always told my younger sister or sum1 else to serve tea etc. It really is rather awkward. Feels like a Bakra Eid Ka Bakrii. However, when t/ usual guests are visiting guess who serve their royal behinds??
its rele not as bad as some of u r making it out to be, i mean most girls serve tea to guests all the time, so this family is going to scrutinize u while u serve, just ignore it n go about business as usual...believe me i've done it many times, i am the expert:D
as girls get older u get used to ppl scrutinizing u, aunties looking at you thinking if ur a good rishta for their son, guys wondering n so on...after a while it doesnt bother u so much, u just accept it
agar kabhi main chai aur biskut le kar ander jaon to ander pauhanchne se pehle he biskut to khatam ho jaein gae! 
Um, well i agree with those who said that it’s not really a ‘choice’ per se and not many alternatives exist to this traditional practice, so i guess we will have to live with it :~) it sure is a sensitive affair and should be handled as such..should NEVER be made insulting or intimidating mere khayal se.
aane wala biskuton ka soch soch kar 
i didn't knew that it existed ... it must be very uncomfortable ...
I went through that recently (few months ago), my parents, aunt, uncle and cousins were all present. But they didn't want me to do anything. They just made me talk to the guy (in the presence of my cousins) and my aunt did everything from a-b.
Infact when him and his family came I was really hungry, so when the food was served I helped myself and me and my cousin brought the plate of samoosas over to the table coz we were really hungry. I honestly did not care what he thought :-)
It was the first time I went through something like that, so not knowing how to behave I decided to just be myself - no airs n graces!
but yeah, they forced me to get dressed up :p
So what ever happened :)?
oh man 
ur scaring mecatty… i think i might have to do that when i go to pakistan… and knowing me.. i’ll prob trip on someones foot.. no.. trip on mine instead and drop all the chai… 
and thats me being myself
^ dun care what others think of you ... just be yourself .... :-)
^ thanx :) ... i'll try to be good...
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lolz… that reminds me of a friend of mine from Lahore. A rishta had come for her from this family, and she was doing the whole chai ‘ceremony’. It was time for her to give the guy his cup of tea, but when she reached over to give him the cup, and he reached out one hand to take it from her, the saucer slipped from her hand and the hot tea went over his hand !!! BechaaRa…she said he was very, very, very polite about it and acted as though nothing had happened. Instead, HE asked HER whether she was okay and he seemed to be more worried about her than he was worried about himself.
Anyways i’m sure you are not going to face that same problem, Sadzzz; i wholly realize it’s easier said than done, but try to be confident and just be yourself Don’t try to deliberately please anyone else if it involves being superficial; just be natural. i’m sure you will be absolutely fine