The career woman bride

[Reha]

Re: The career woman bride

@Wane

“Joint decision” is a term that only you have used here. Most of women posters have commented saying, “don’t want to be told what to do”, “wouldn’t ask anyone”, “would just inform the husband”. Women don’t say that want to be exempt from raising the children but they do say that they want less of that.

All this makes me wonder, why can’t a man just get up one fine morning and tell his wife, “Honey, starting next month I will be working part-time only. That is all I can do. We will be taking an income hit. Please be ready to deal with it.”

I think the issue is simply that we like being considered part of the decision making process because we’re half of the marriage. Men make one-half and women make up the other half. We want to feel that way. Since a lot of women are told to stay home and it seems unfair to us when we’re not given the choice - the natural inclination is to do the opposite of that. To NOT be told what to do.

And another thing, as much as women on GS go on and on about our rights…we all know…that once we’re all married and have families…if our husbands ask us to stay home with the kids…we would not fight it. Because we all know our priorities and have no issues dealing with them. The conflict comes in when the woman gives up her career, takes a break from the working world, loses experience, stays home, is with the kids non-stop and at the end of the day…no one seems to think its a big deal. Its expected and she should just shut up and do it. When men bring home the bacon, we appreciate it. At least I would. When women raise their kids, its their job.

I was at a restaurant with a few friends once. Behind us was this guy with his daughter…he was trying to feed her and she was being a bit fussy. All the girls just did a big old “awwwwwwwwwwwwww…how cute”. When was the last time anyone did and “awwwww” at a woman feeding her child? Thats her job, right? But if a guy does it, its like “wow, what a good father”…come on! Similarly, if a guy cooks or chops up some veggies for his wife…“wow, your husband is so sweet”…but if a woman cooks “namak kam hai khanay mein”. If a man provides well for his family…“mashallah he is a good earner and provider” but if a woman works and brings home partial bacon it feels like she is being a brat by wanting to work.

I dont think its about anything more than being appreciated and valued for what women do. The happiest marriages I know of are ones where the women ARE home (they’ve worked in the past) but their husbands value what they do.