The Burden Of Proof

Lifestyle Relationships
1

I seriously want to know,

why is it always on the shoulders of a woman? daughter/ sister/ DIL…

ehy only this lot has to suffer? SIL is evil. YOU SUFFER. MIL is a monster. YOU SUFFER.

Oh you dont know this is our society!

Patience. Tolerance. Everything at YOUR EXPENSE.

Why?

Does the SOCIETY think you have cats lives?

You live, you compromise, you keep on compromising KHABARDAR. because the SOCIETY… you know.

People like this should be given a licence to strangle every woman who opens her mouth and wants her rights. DUH.

The need to open this thread here is:

75% of the members here always want the DIL to compromise. Your inlaws’s choice is bad, they are selecting ugly outfits for you, so what? forsure its just the beginning. They are going to make your life ugly in the future. SO WHAT? You have no right to protest. SOCIETY demands you to SHUT UP, compromise, sacrifice at every breathe and DIE one day. Good riddance!

Its not about some or most members here. I reiterate we all want to help the thread openers. GS folks are wonderful in this sense. I have hardly seen anyone being creul, insensitive and mean. STILL, their excuse is SOCIETY.

WHY?

Why do we give this holy right to the SOCIETY to live our lives?

Aint we who make up the society, actually?

Tolerance, patience are wonderful qualities no doubt. But why doesnt SOCIETY learn to be patient and tolerant too?

Why this torture and how long?

2

Re: The Burden Of Proof

exuse me but :khumar:

3

Re: The Burden Of Proof

It's just that often you get to hear one side of the story, you don't know what the inlaws or the other people concerned are going through so its hard to judge the situation.

4

Re: The Burden Of Proof

The burden is also put on the ‘victim’ daughter,Sister,SIL by another WOMAN…:chai:

5

Re: The Burden Of Proof

that doesnt justify it or makes it any less wrong.

6

Re: The Burden Of Proof

you know Nomz, your cent percent right here. Wise comment. I aint blaming men here, at all. They are more generous and large hearted I think.

7

Re: The Burden Of Proof

Maybe, Zareen.

8

Re: The Burden Of Proof

did i say that??? when women make everything as if they are the victims … usually pointing the blame on men…u need to remember that its the other women who cause most of the ‘oppression’…so women need to fix themselves rather than acting victims of sexism all the time…

P.S…:khumar:

9

Re: The Burden Of Proof

Ya Ok. And the guy who gets “married” should be sensible enough to stand for what’s right and not go with either side cuz of whatever lousy reason. If he is sensible enough to get married he might as well have grown a brain of his own by then :halo:.

10

Re: The Burden Of Proof

^ but most of them wouldnt really use it because they are so torn, and divided, between both the relationship. They are bound to listen to, follow and respect their mothers. Majority would condemn them if they voice against their mothers and favour their wives. And then the poor souls are named as mama's boy and all that.

11

Re: The Burden Of Proof

I have heard since my childhood: Aurat hi aurat ki dushman hoti hai. This has been proved to me since the time I joined GS :p

On a serious note, Mirage, a woman is expected to sacrifice because she is expected to save her marriage on any cost. Good proposals are difficult to find these days, desi parents once marry us want us to keep settled with our husbands/ in-laws however evil or tortorous they are. The parents dread the responsibility of their divorced daughter and getting her married again when she on the first place found it difficult to get married when she was never married because of tough criteria of guys and their families.

Thats why the girls are always asked to sacrifice and be the 'victim' of all the ZULM which is usually done to her by some other woman.

12

Re: The Burden Of Proof

^does that all justify it then? such a shameful society we own. such a shame.

13

Re: The Burden Of Proof

My question is:

Why aint these holy SILS and MILS willing to sacrifice ever? or atleast follow the policy of jeo aor jene do? only because the SOCIETY backs them up!!!

I wish I were Hitlor.

14

Re: The Burden Of Proof

I now, our society sucks.

In any relationship, whether professional or personal, one party is always stronger and the other is weaker (the difference sometimes is more and sometimes less). In the DIL's relationships with her in-laws, she is considered as a weaker party because everyone knows she is expected to compromise and sacrifice because it is HER who needs to save her marriage. MIL and SIL won't lose anything with the divorce, they can marry off their son to some other nice girl. So the DIL is always expected to compromise.

In cases where the DIL is a stronger party (e.g. when she sponsored the husband to USA etc), the in-laws seem to be compromising a lot and the DILs seem to be acting strongly with her in-laws.

So, its just that whoever is more stronger in the relationship tends to have more say in the relationship, and MILs and SILs are usually more stronger in 99% of the cases.

15

Re: The Burden Of Proof

People think that girl should change herself after marriage because she is the only one who has to change. In laws are in majority so why should they change for a single girl.

In laws should give time to girls to get settled in new house. Now girls are getting married at the age of 25 or more and at this age to change habits is not easy. Husband should be supportive as well. If husbands are cooperative, supportive and loving.. Girls can go through all the bad times. But if husband is not supporting then it is difficult for girls to change themselves.

And yes unfortunately women are responsible for another women problems.

16

Re: The Burden Of Proof

But a strong person is able to balance all his relationships equally and honestly. That's why i always say the guys role in all this is of the most importance because its him who has to tackle the situation wisely.

So are you saying if the girl is younger, it wl be easier for her to change? i don't think so because at that age you are not mature enough to actually make the adjustments you need to make. And i don't think only the girls have to change or adjust, the guy and his family has to make them too. Gone are the days, and thank God for that, when it was the norm to treat the bahu as 2nd class. It probably still happens in some jahil households but things have changed alot and for good.

17

Re: The Burden Of Proof

well.. if women weren't so evil to other women, this will all go away now wouldn't it? shameful =\

18

Re: The Burden Of Proof

The Burden Of Proof is on women because if you read the post carefully, it all about women. :)

19

Re: The Burden Of Proof

^ oh my men, im not condemning men here at all. I have this problem with the society. the norms. though you all are a legitimate part of this society, as I am, aint we?

20

Re: The Burden Of Proof

Because compromise gets you nowhere when the other party doesn't care.

I was one of those evil "nands" that compromised with a crappy bhabi and I wish I hadn't.

I compromise wiht my husband because I know even if its not immediate, it will lead to a happier home life eventually.

I compromise with my in laws because I don't live wiht them and I don't see them often so it makes sense to not be a drama queen.

Basically when the other party doesn't care, compromise gets you nowhere. One has to realize that, our girls are told since they're babies that if they compromise and be flexible and put up with injustice and abuse and suffer in silence, its practically a straight ticket to heaven.