I agree with most of ur post... I find that people who hold the power in a relationship or hold some leverage over the other perso are the ones pulling the strings. Like in my fiance's family the hubbys for their sisters were imported so they feel indebted and listen to their inlaws. The inlaws arent really tht controlling so its all good... And their wives do have the upper hand in the relationship. Thier hubbies have to do dawaats and attend dawaats eventhough they dont want to. Also thier wives spend most of their time at their inlaws house.
1 of their brother's wife is imported n she lives wth the inlaws n ddoes everything around the house. The other brothers wife was love marriage n she moved out within a year and she rarely comes to any events... Also she is verry educated so they all value her opinion.
It is a lil bit of arranged and a lil bit of love marriage for me.... My fiance told me he loves me n sent his parents to my house and now I love him too. So everone in their family loves me because my fiance is their ladla n he is by my side no matter wht. My mil has warmed upto me too.
My sil is the only problem but I think tht is just a lil bit of jealousy
I now, our society sucks.
In any relationship, whether professional or personal, one party is always stronger and the other is weaker (the difference sometimes is more and sometimes less). In the DIL's relationships with her in-laws, she is considered as a weaker party because everyone knows she is expected to compromise and sacrifice because it is HER who needs to save her marriage. MIL and SIL won't lose anything with the divorce, they can marry off their son to some other nice girl. So the DIL is always expected to compromise.
In cases where the DIL is a stronger party (e.g. when she sponsored the husband to USA etc), the in-laws seem to be compromising a lot and the DILs seem to be acting strongly with her in-laws.
So, its just that whoever is more stronger in the relationship tends to have more say in the relationship, and MILs and SILs are usually more stronger in 99% of the cases.
Because compromise gets you nowhere when the other party doesn't care.
I was one of those evil "nands" that compromised with a crappy bhabi and I wish I hadn't.
I compromise wiht my husband because I know even if its not immediate, it will lead to a happier home life eventually.
I compromise with my in laws because I don't live wiht them and I don't see them often so it makes sense to not be a drama queen.
Basically when the other party doesn't care, compromise gets you nowhere. One has to realize that, our girls are told since they're babies that if they compromise and be flexible and put up with injustice and abuse and suffer in silence, its practically a straight ticket to heaven.
This is so true... U have to stand up for urself otherwise they will walk all over u.... I would compromise if they compromise too. Like I would not wear a bindia to their house becauser they dont like it but iwouldnt take my nailpolish or makeup off because they dont like it but tht is a big deal to me.
So letting go of little things tht u prolly dont even care about is understasndable but I would definitely stand up for wht I care about.
