"The Bridal Pact of the New Generation"

Lifestyle Relationships
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Hi there. Yes, its me - Your President.

So I’ve been reading this forum, these threads for sometime now and I have seen wedding discussions of ‘all’ sorts. We have ALL discussed what is wrong with today’s weddings, how in laws exploit the parents of the girl, how they mistreat the girl later, how grooms are under pressure to take sides, how much money, food and energy is wasted at weddings, the inconsiderate demands, the baseless face keeping. I could go on and on and I’m sure you guys could add to that list.

So.
I have decided to put up a Bridal Pact here. Feel free to add to it. For all the brides and all the grooms going off to tie the knot, for all the family that is helping with the wedding and for anyone who supports wedded bliss.

This pact is about how we, this generation can clearly see some of the obvious things wrong with weddings these days. This pact is about the mistakes our ancestors made out of peer pressure or society’s pressure that we will refuse to make. This pact is about the upheaval of the truly wrong traditions and the beginning of new traditions that are in tune with honesty, justice, modesty and our religion.

Here it is:

I, _______ (your name) as a mother/father in law (25 yrs from now):

  1. will accept my son’s/daughter’s choice of life partner, given he/she is a good man/woman.

  2. will not base my impressions on how much they will give us in presents, but how much respect they will give us in reality.

  3. will treat their families like I would want to be treated and will not hang on to any unpleasant words for forgiving makes the heart bigger.

  4. will not show off the things Allah has blessed us with by throwing around presents and putting them on display.

  5. will thank Allah for the blessings and make the new addition to the family comfortable in all aspects.

  6. will be honest, blunt and considerate of others’ feelings and financial status and treat the wedding as ‘one’ event for ‘our’ children rather than who pays what bills and how many mehndi functions need to happen.

  7. will not forget the less fortunate when I am spending thousands of $$ on my children for a single day.

  8. will honor the integrity of the family I am marrying into and not hang onto the skeletons in their closets. Every family has skeletons and so does mine, I will remember that.

  9. will not judge my daughter/son in law for what his other family members have done in the past but love and respect him/her for who he/she is as a person. Each person is answerable for themselves and to Allah — not to me.

  10. will love and respect those who love and respect me. I will not love and respect those who are not respectful towards me. I am not any lesser than those around me and I deserve the same from others that I give them.

  11. will understand and support my son if he wishes to move out after marriage. After all, the young bride has dreams and fantasies of her own home, her own life. I will understand that and not hold on to my son like a leech and respect the decisions of the new couple.

  12. will never interfere in the decisions of my children for I remember how I felt when my in laws did that. It wasn’t fun then, its certainly not appropriate now.

  13. will not keep checking my daughter in laws belly to see if she’s bringing me a “waaris”. This decision is the couples’ to make.

  14. will not naggingly teach my DIL/SIL how to raise their children. I might know more but they must learn on their own.

  15. will not talk nonsense about my DIL behind her back with the 'mohallay ke auratain". I will keep my family together as a unit and not back bite.

  16. will not impose any wedding day plans on my SIL/DIL for they have their specific dreams and I will not impose mine on theirs.

  17. will not ask or “expect” anything from the in laws for it is truly only respect I want. No $$, no gold, no presents. I will openly discuss these things rationally with the in laws and meet a happy medium with no pressure and no face keeping.

  18. will always remember that the biggest tradition in the world is ‘change’. It is inevitable and constant. I will go with the flow and roll with the times. I will be the coolest MIL ever and Allah will give me my reward.

  19. If I do have a valid concern about my DIL, I will speak to her honestly and with care and love. She is close to (or the same as) a daughter and I will give her the opportunity to grow with me in this relationship. (added by Sahar02)

  20. will respect my DIL’s culture/religion/values/ways of doing things in and around the house because I recognize that she is not now, nor ever will be, me and will not impose my ideals on her while refusing to acknowledge hers. Instead, I will at least try to build a harmonius, mutually respectful relationship. (added by somegroovychick)

(feel free to add)

So people, go ahead and sign it. Please don’t quote though.
May Allah bless all brides and grooms with the wedding of their dreams and a life time of happiness and blessings.
Amen.

To sign/endorse, put the “thumbs up” smiley in your mssg!

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^ :biggthumb

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Re: "The Bridal Pact of the New Generation"

thats great! I agree, especially with the overspending on weddings and the showing off

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Re: "The Bridal Pact of the New Generation"

thats great :biggthumb
Your President ,u r so nice n ur intensions r very good

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Re: "The Bridal Pact of the New Generation"

Haha...thanks!

Like the post above you
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Re: “The Bridal Pact of the New Generation”

:k:

Like the post above you
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Re: "The Bridal Pact of the New Generation"

^ good job! i support this and i virtually sign it!
i'd like to add that perhaps instead of waiting for us to be MILs and FILs we start small, changing it one step at a time. perhaps those of us going to be married will talk to our parents about all of this and show them this pledge even to make it clear. those of us who are married, perhaps we can start prepping the family for our sibling's weddings and their future spouses' entry into their lives and ours. being a good sister in law can sometimes be almost as hard as being a good mother in law!

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Re: "The Bridal Pact of the New Generation"

^Absolutely!

Last person to post in this thread wins!
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perfect... I hope we can do that 25 years from now

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Re: "The Bridal Pact of the New Generation"

GREAT JOBBBBBB!!!! i totally agree

Congratz Southie
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OMG! I just it and I love it. Good Job President!:D

:biggthumb

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Re: “The Bridal Pact of the New Generation”

yeah as if anyone will even remember this piece of waste on their big day. its ok to go oh! and ahh! about all this but lets be realistic. those already married have nothing to worry about n those getting married will most probably avoid this thread…:chai:

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Re: "The Bridal Pact of the New Generation"

Lol sara, how can you say that with so much assurance. Yes, some will ignore but some won't.

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When you read something like this and consider it a piece of waste or “piece of sh**” which you clearly, really meant to say, I can’t help but feel terribly sorry for the pessimistic mentality instilled in you. I am, however, glad that you actually went through the thread as perhaps some years from now, you will see the fault of your words and mentality. After all, people change as do circumstances.

I will remember you in my prayers.
Peace.

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oh..all of that is realllyyy really nice!!..
but i feel we should also have one for DILs as well!..thats step1!. cuz we have to first figure out how to handle stuff happening in those 25 years.

regardless..it was a reallyy good effort! :biggthumb

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:biggthumb

gets my vote

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I agree. How would you like to phrase it. I'll add it on!
Thanks!

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Re: "The Bridal Pact of the New Generation"

  1. If I do have a valid concern about my DIL, I will speak to her honestly and with care and love. She is close to (or the same as) a daughter and I will give her the opportunity to grow with me in this relationship.
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Re: "The Bridal Pact of the New Generation"

^ good one!

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Re: "The Bridal Pact of the New Generation"

  1. I will respect my DIL's culture/religion/values/ways of doing things in and around the house because I recognize that she is not now, nor ever will be, me. I will not impose my ideals on her while refusing to acknowledge hers. Instead, I will at least *try *to build a harmonius, mutually respectful relationship.