In my family, most family members marry off the girls, wether it's in Pakistan or here in Europe, as soon as possible, not for the happiness nor well being of the girls, but for the 'family izzat'. They don't care if the girl isn't ready for marriage yet. They just want her married as soon as possible. Some of the family friends I knew, had the same terrible mentality.
Most desired females in my family: light skinned (why? they even liked me for my 'lighter' skin, what for? and how unIslamic while done in the name of Islam!), and/or able to cook and/or have lots of money. They also try to keep the money in the family, so the girls with more money, have to marry a cousin so the money will still be in the family, even if the girls don't like the cousins at all. I have seen this in some other families too, so it's not just mine. Oh, and it's even better if she's a doctor, yet at the same time they want someone who doesn't leave home that often and goes almost nowhere, yet does know how to get to all the places even if she has mostly been at home and so considered more 'pious'. Some of my cousins however, hate to have an educated wife, so they just go for looks and perhaps money and cooking skills. So which girls are the best, is a matter of opinion.
Of course, none of the above matters. Which girls are really the best, depends on what kind of people they are . . . And the real judge is Allah.
I'm not marrying my daughter off at all. When she was born, I had already decided that I would fight for her rights to get any education she wants and get married at the age she wishes, and get married to a person she likes and who is a nice match. Insha Allah that is what her life will be like.
I gues it's confusing because everyone has such different opinions on what kind of girls are the best choices for marriage. And one person considers something right, which the other person doesn't. It's especially confusing when they all have interesting arguments supporting all their cases. Perhaps sometimes there really is no right or wrong.
As far back as I have read in books, heard from elders, and seen of my elders people prior to the Millennials had relatively simple criteria . I know too many old aging single women desperate for marriage...and i know many young single women in 20s who can't find the "right perfect" combination to their liking and are willing to take their time now.
I'm not marrying my daughter off at all. When she was born, I had already decided that I would fight for her rights to get any education she wants and get married at the age she wishes, and get married to a person she likes and who is a nice match. Insha Allah that is what her life will be like.
That's so admirable. I made this same decision a long time ago as well when seeing so many young girls get married off and their education stopped by their parents or in-laws. I respect my own parents so much for supporting my education. I'm so glad there are great mothers like you taking a stand against this. Inshallah if I have a daughter of my own I will follow the same mentality. :)
So, this is the thread which provoked me enough to break my > 2.5 years old ritual (which I maintained religiously) that was signing in, go through all the threads in Relationship & Wedding sections and quietly signing out. Being an only single girl (24) in my circle I should have my say here. You people have covered main points (looks, education, preferences etc) but left one thing that is lack of socializing. I mean if there is one girl who never goes out, who never got permission to attend functions, no one helds gathering in her house, whose attention shes going to catch? Oh yes, I'm talking about myself.
No, my parents are not freak, just quiet and saadha people and my dad is extra cautious because he has seen too much happenings with girls and their parents living in abroad. I'm not runway-model pretty but I've been centre of attention many times ( in school where I taught). My sisters are Ayesha-Linnea type gorgeous but I dont know of any one jumping to claim for their hands either, because we just keep a low profile. Home> college/uni >home. Trust me, I dont know how my parents would look for our rishtas, lol. We are bunch of introverts preferring books over people and are happy that way.
@Sahdia77 You made me super emotional, I actually blinked back 2 tears while reading your post. I'll be that kind of mother too inshaAllah.