some of the things our elders tell us are wrong, prolly these things were told to them by their elders and so on. we have to research and find out the truth ourselves.
i read this hadith: someone was distributing sweets on the occasion of his engagement. when he came to the Prophet (pbuh), the Prophet (pbuh) asked him if he had seen the lady. the man said he hadnt seen the lady bfr. on this the Prophet (pbuh) asked him to go and have a look at the lady and see if he likes her (and the lady would have a look at him).
in our society for a guy to look/meet a gal bfr getting engaged is deemed indecent. only parents are allowed to meet the gal. well things have changed a lot, and this is no longer the case in developed areas, but still there is much more to Pakistan than few developed cities.
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*Originally posted by homosapien: *
some of the things our elders tell us are wrong, prolly these things were told to them by their elders and so on. we have to research and find out the truth ourselves.
i read this hadith: someone was distributing sweets on the occasion of his engagement. when he came to the Prophet (pbuh), the Prophet (pbuh) asked him if he had seen the lady. the man said he hadnt seen the lady bfr. on this the Prophet (pbuh) asked him to go and have a look at the lady and see if he likes her (and the lady would have a look at him).
in our society for a guy to look/meet a gal bfr getting engaged is deemed indecent. only parents are allowed to meet the gal. well things have changed a lot, and this is no longer the case in developed areas, but still there is much more to Pakistan than few developed cities.
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very interesting...
the truth is.. people change things to suit themselves... thats the bottom line.. every hadith can be changed to suit oneself.. and Quranic verses... its sad..
Somewhere I do understand the parents. I definitely agree that everybody should have a choice in marriage. But youngsters don't know as much about life as elders.
On the one hand, elders are often stuck in their own 'time zone' and don't always understand the youth, because they don't evolve with time.
On the other hand they have seen more of life. They know people better than most youngsters. Mostly elders can 'read' a persons character better than the youngsters.
I guess it depends on the situation. It would be wrong to judge someone on language or the country they live in. They should just focus on the character. And wether or not the two characters fit together. If two people have nothing in common at all, it also doesn't work out. (what would they talk about????)
I have seen, in my family, but also with people we know, that the husband and wife 'grew together' with time. They learnt to love each other, they started with friendship, and later fell in love. And had strong marriages. They all had similar characters, or things in common, they both gave their marriage a chance.
Someone said, that when you fall in love and marry, there is a chance, that the love is gone one day, I agree, if you can fall in love, you can also fall OUT of love! Love marriages don't always succeed either!
It's a very delicate issue. Either way, there is no garantuee for happiness. Nothing in life is!
my friend who finished his degree in accounting from univ of toronto is back home visiting his parents, he came online last night and says "yaar mein ghar aaya aur abbu ne meri mangni bhi kardi hui hai" ... :D
O parents! i beg theee to let thy children know that you are looking for their rishtas, let them prepare themselves mentally, give them enough time to think if the partner (lets say the one you have chosen) is even right for them, plzzzz give them time to think, make your children comfortable when talking to them about their marriage and listen to their concerns, listen, they might have dreams! pleeez dont surprize them, i know you love them and so do they.
NO! these are not people living in rural areas, these are well educated people running big businesses, holding degrees, yeah.. rich people.. they still do these things.
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I have seen, in my family, but also with people we know, that the husband and wife 'grew together' with time. They learnt to love each other, they started with friendship, and later fell in love...
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sadya, how long did it take for these ppl to fall in love in grow together, are they in their forties or fifties, i mean i know some ppl their relationships were bitter in the beginning but as they grew older they learnt to "love" each other. but they spent their early years of marriage understanding each others often unsatisfied.
sadya, how long did it take for these ppl to fall in love in grow together, are they in their forties or fifties, i mean i know some ppl their relationships were bitter in the beginning but as they grew older they learnt to "love" each other. but they spent their early years of marriage understanding each others often unsatisfied.
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I was talking about the 'better' matches, couples who have something in common. If two people get along as friends, they have a better chance of a succeeding marriage. But if two people who were in love, fall out of love, if the passion disappears, then what do you have left if you don't have shared interests, if you have nothing to talk about, you start irritating each other. It's up to the 'matchmakers' to look at the characters, what do the boy and girl have in common? If they like each other, if they have something to talk about, if they don't bore each other, then yes, two people do fall in love eventually, and no, it won't take them 40 years then to get to that point. Maybe they will never have passion, but they will have a solid marriage without big problems.
And there is another factor that also plays a part, the inlaws. Some mother in laws seem to have a hobby of distancing their son and daughter in law. You have this mother in law and daughter in law thing every where of course. But somehow, it seems to be worse in our asian culture! Sometimes, the in laws destroy the marriage for some reason or another, usually it's jealousy.
thats a very good point u’ve brought up. i agree with you, but to most parents in our culture the priority is marrying off their son/daughter to their nephews/nieces, irrespective of whether their minds meet.
another thing that i will never understand ! if a woman wants his son to be happy why would she distance him from his wife. and this is soo common in our culture. i think we should have another thread on saas/bahu relatioships will be fun.
will be fun.