Ideally, everyone wants a situation where both parents and children are happy...IDEALLY. Ultimately, children need to be happy with who they'll be spending their lives with; that is the key. How they find the person is irrelevant; what is important is that they feel comfortable with the person enough to see themselves spending their lives with them.
However, parents' input is worth its weight too, of course. One point I do want to make is that today's parents are much more understanding of the kids having their own choices for who they'd like to "bring home" to mom and dad. Maybe this has to do with level of education, fad or current trend, or whatever, but that is what I find to be the norm, at least in the Pakistani community where I live.
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*Originally posted by funguy: *
making everyone happy at the same time is impossible.
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Nonsense. It's not that hard to make yourself and your parents happy in terms of marriage. Maybe a bit of compromise might be necessary. As long as the requirements of both are similar. In most cases, both children and parents want the same thing, good family, good upbringing, good character, good education and good job.
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*Originally posted by Fret Wizard: *
It's not that hard to make yourself and your parents happy in terms of marriage.
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Fret,
Maybe you are talking about your own circumstances and your experiences of those around you. There are plenty of cases where this just doesn't work. Not all people are totally reasonable. So, yes, while this should be what we aim for and hope for, good for you if you get to that stage. But I am sure there are plenty of others who feel like banging their heads against a brick wall. Such is the level of unreasonableness around us. You only gotta read some of the anecdotal evidence sprayed in this forum of idiotic demands made by parents and families. It happens.
this topic sounds like my situation at the moment :( good stuff...
neways.. i know a lotta couples.. some who were in love with each other.. and got married.. but the first few years of their lives were so hard trying to make everyone else happy that they forgot about one another.. and the only way to make their marriage work.. they decided to have a child...
i know another couple.. where the gal was over the moon about the guy.. but the guy was forced into it.. later he accepted it cus he couldnt break off the marriage.. now they are Mashallah happy.. well thats what it looks like..
another guy i know.. engaged to a gal back in paki.. only got engaged cus he had been a bad boy.. and thought it would make his family happy... doesnt love the girl.. hasnt ever talked to her.. doesnt know a thing about her.. has had several gf's .. and is still searching for that one special person... may have even found her.. but cant do nething.. cus whats the point?
i get sooo mad when i hear stories of guys and gals getting engaged or married to people they dont like.. and then destroying each others lives.. whats the point... is there a rule u cant love someone ur parents choose? is there a rule.. u must destroy everything if it doesnt go ur way...
and for parents... why is it so bad ur child find his/her own partner.. u have brought them up.. taught them how to be independant.. why do u think they cannot choose the one person they have to spend thier lives with..
im in an awkward situation as well.. not too bad at the moment.. my parents want me to get engaged... they are extremely kewl people.. very caring.. and lemme do watever i want.. only problem.. i tend to give in to things very easily.. and i have a feeling thats what im gonna do when i go to paki.. :( neways.. no worries... Inshallah sab teek ho jaye ga
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originally posted by sadzzz
another guy i know.. engaged to a gal back in paki.. only got engaged cus he had been a bad boy.. and thought it would make his family happy... doesnt love the girl.. hasnt ever talked to her.. doesnt know a thing about her.. has had several gf's .. and is still searching for that one special person... may have even found her.. but cant do nething.. cus whats the point?
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yeah there are lots of losers out there just like the one you described above. they are married, have kids and still spend hours chatting wid "gals" ... i try to discourage them and tell them that often times these gals are actually gys pretending to be gals.. hehe it works.
and yes this friend of mine was engaged and was saying stuff to me.. but hadnt told me the truth.. hmm most gals would have sworn and said burri baathein.. but i decided to stay his friend and help him thru it..
sometiems we may not want to accept it but truth is If Allah chose someone for you what can you do? fight with your creater?.
We need reasons to find soulmates so his was through his mamo.
I think your friend is a jerk. Sexual desire isnt the only thing left on this planet. He cant be a good husband i doubt it if he was a good son or if he will be a good father.
does the girl know? See t his is what i mean why does his wife has to tolerate this stupid and retarded man.
Put his Thing on fire, blame it on others and divorce him.
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*Originally posted by nia_khan: *
**Joriyaa upar asmano mein banti hain
sometiems we may not want to accept it but truth is If Allah chose someone for you what can you do? fight with your creater?. **
We need reasons to find soulmates so his was through his mamo.
I think your friend is a jerk. Sexual desire isnt the only thing left on this planet. He cant be a good husband i doubt it if he was a good son or if he will be a good father.
does the girl know? See t his is what i mean why does his wife has to tolerate this stupid and retarded man.
Put his Thing on fire, blame it on others and divorce him.
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If you believe that "Joriyaa upar asmano mein banti hain" and that "If Allah chose someone for you what can you do? fight with your creater?." then please do quote referrences from the Quraan and Sunnah.
If you believe that "Joriyaa upar asmano mein banti hain" and that "If Allah chose someone for you what can you do? fight with your creater?." then please do quote referrences from the Quraan and Sunnah.
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I am gona be blunt ...
i am tired of proving.. lets see if someone else wants to do the honor
He makes everything in pairs .... REMEMBER
I love it when people don't accept things and want to change it according to their desires..
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*Originally posted by nia_khan: *
Joriyaa upar asmano mein banti hain
sometiems we may not want to accept it but truth is If Allah chose someone for you what can you do? fight with your creater?.
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Allah gives us the choice to choose our mates. They are not chosen for us.
This Sky Match Making concept is an integral part of Hindu philosophy. It has no place in Islam. If you like, I can quote the exact wording from Hinduism.
^ please do funguy…I am in the mood. we can then discuss what is better, marriages made in heaven or churning out retards by marrying your cousin as it is prescribed under “better” cultures. :k:
on a side note, most of the marriages that parent arrange tend to be successful while the one that are out of children's choice tend to end up in courtrooms......most of them.
Narrated by Abu Huraira:
The Prophet (saw) said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser.