If you truly love your parents and care about them you will marry some one they have chosen for you (most likely khala/phuppho/mammon ka beta beti) and if you marry some one of your own choice you will have betrayed your parents, what a disobedient and “na muraad” kid you will be! Choosing a bride/groom is parent’s absolute right. how dare you deprive them of their right. Since they love you so much it’s their right to destroy your life by not letting you marry someone you like. All those years of childhood, they nourished you, fulfilled your wishes and did innumerable favors on you, all for slaughtering you at the end. You are a qurbani ka dumba, wait till you get slaughtered! Forcing you to live your life with someone you don’t have feelings for will put them in high glee. Mommy will kiss khala or phuphoo will kiss daddy for bonds will have been strengthened between them. Are you happy to see mommy and daddy smile because you married khala’s/phuppo’s daughter?
Yes? No? Then wear a fake smile for the rest of your life or at least till mommy and daddy die, pretend you are happy. This will make your parents glad. Understand that your suffering brings them happiness. Destroy your life and gal’s life as well you dumbay!
I’m appalled at a 35-year-old friend who happens to be married with a kid. He brings home other ladies. His family is in Pakistan, he married his mammon’s daughter because his mammon loved him and desired that he marry his daughter. So this man set on destroying both his and the gal’s life for his mammon’s sake. Guess what, I found something similar to viagra lying on his basin and he was not shy to tell me what he has been doing.
i also understand that our culture is changing and im glad but still there is a considerable amount of dumbas out there to be slaughtered and their parents just wont give up.
Re: the baloney aspect of our culture: marriage issues
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*Originally posted by homosapien: *
I’m appalled at a 35-year-old friend who happens to be married with a kid. He brings home other ladies.
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That is marital infidelity. Has not much to do with marrying a cousin, per se.
As a general rule, one should marry the one they like and it doesn't matter who introduced them or whether they are old family friends/relatives introduced by the parents or someone you met at a party.
I think this situation does still exist but is seen less and less everyday. As parents are becomming more educated then the last generation there is more of an understanding between children and parents.:)
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originally posted by Faisal
That is marital infidelity. Has not much to do with marrying a cousin, per se.
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i agree this has nothing to do with marrying a cousin, this has to do with the stubborness of most parents who are bent on getting you hooked up with some gal you are least interested in. marrying someone of their choice is perceived as a sign of obedience and respect*by them*
One should be able to marry the person of their choice. However I believe it should be approved by parents as well. Everyone should be happy. Nothing wrong in having parents help find a mate, but at the same time, parents should consider any choices made by the children.
I know of a few couples who were pretty much forced together by the parents; got married to make the parents happy despite the fact that one party out of the two were not truly interested.
Ultimately, the parents should allow their children to marry whomever they want. Unfortunately, this isn't always the case. I know of one guy who wasn't allowed to marry the girl he loved cause his parents didn't like her. Why didn't they like her? Cause 1. she didn't speak fluent urdu; and 2. her family wasn't as wealthy as theirs.
Sad stuff indeed.
If you truly don't want to marry someone, you shouldn't make yourself and the girl/boy you marry miserable just to make the parents happy. Ultimately, the parents will see that you are unhappy and then they will regret their decision for the rest of the lives! It's a lose-lose situation for everybody.
your comment cracks me, and im thinking of those gys out there who judge women on the basis of their anatomy n cleavages.
Well, consulting your parents would be nice, would certainly bring harmony (a slight change of mind after pondering over your comment) but at the same time one should be able to realize when parents start becoming inconsiderate of our likes and dislikes, and start imposing their will, that’s when you do away with their choice. I know this guy he is my brother’s friend. He is a Pathan, grew up in Lahore, and did his bachelors from LUMS. He liked a Punjabi gal and she liked him. But their parents did not cut a deal for stupid reasons, like for example the guy’s family members insisted that the gal didn’t understand pushto and like wise the gal’s family insisted the guy didn’t share the same back ground. For heavens sake they understand each other! Why does each and every family member have to understand the bride and groom, isn’t it enough that they understand and like each other in a decent way.
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*Originally posted by Fret Wizard: *
One should be able to marry the person of their choice. However I believe it should be approved by parents as well. Everyone should be happy. Nothing wrong in having parents help find a mate, but at the same time, parents should consider any choices made by the children.
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Fretty, you live in a La La land where everything is perfect. Unfortunately, all other humans live in this world where things don't always go as planned and making everyone happy at the same time is impossible. So, people make choices. Sometimes, those decisions piss off people you love very much. It doesn't mean you don't love your parents if you marry someone they don't "approve" of.
I found something similar to viagra lying on his basin and he was not shy to tell me what he has been doing.
Using Viagara at 35 is a bigger worry than him cheating on his over-seas wife.
Re: the baloney aspect of our culture: marriage issues
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*Originally posted by homosapien: *
If you truly love your parents and care about them you will marry some one they have chosen for you..
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If ur parents truly love u and care about u they will not force or emotionally blackmail u into a marriage!
luckily ive got parents who love me and care about me:)
Re: Re: the baloney aspect of our culture: marriage issues
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*Originally posted by Faisal: *
That is marital infidelity. Has not much to do with marrying a cousin, per se.
....
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Exactly. Its just like the restaurant thing, you like your friend's dish more. Also, if the "mamoon's " gal is overseas then that could be the real problem in this case (for bringing other women and using viagra-kind)
First of all, not everyone is lucky enough to fall in love and marry the person he or she wants. Yes it happens, but not to everyone. Many people fall in love with their spouse after the marriage. So thats not terribly exciting.
What is important, that once you have tied to knot (or signed the nikahnama), you should have loyalty and fidelity for your spouse and this is a mutual thing. If you think its not working and you want out, split and go your separate ways.
What is to say that this gentleman actually married someone he liked and then a few years later, falls out of love again and starts sleeping around with other women. This is something in his nature which he should fix. And if he feels he is stuck in a marriage with a woman he doesn't want to be married to, he should be man enough to admit it to himself, his wife and his family (if they are the ones who put him here in the first place). Either resolve the issues, or walk out. Cheating behind her back only shows the lack of character.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Fret Wizard: *
One should be able to marry the person of their choice. However I believe it should be approved by parents as well. Everyone should be happy. Nothing wrong in having parents help find a mate, but at the same time, parents should consider any choices made by the children.
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*Originally posted by Faisal: *
First of all, not everyone is lucky enough to fall in love and marry the person he or she wants. Yes it happens, but not to everyone. Many people fall in love with their spouse after the marriage. So thats not terribly exciting.
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Right said Faisal... I think falling in love (is ofcourse hard on your knees) after marriage can be also be evry bit as exciting as falling in love before marriage...:)
your comment cracks me, and im thinking of those gys out there who judge women on the basis of their anatomy n cleavages.
Bohat sahi kaha aapne. Maybe Allah (swt) took Pakistani/indian culture in mind when he allowed four wives. 