Is it not the responsibility of kids to take care of their parents when they grow old and cannot take care of their selves?
I am talking about when kids are married, have families and parents are old. Okay even if the kids live in different countries and parents are back in home country.
I was talking to someone (colleague) just now, and he said it is not compulsory for the kids to take care of their old parents. Not even in Islam it is said that it is compulsory for them / or a duty. It is an appreciated deed but not made compulsory. Also parents should not “Expect” and “depend” on the kids.
I said then who will take care of them? He said they should do it theirselves or Govt. should do that. I said why govt. should do it when their own kids dont want to?
Anyways tell me is he right? Is it really so? This is cruel on your old parents.
When you are not even allowed to say* uff* to them, idk how you can leave them if they need you in old age.
Someone told me two parents can take care of ten kids but ten kids cannot take care of two parents, and watching the trend of the world, this seems to be true in the general sense.
i hope he can stick to the same concept of his as he grows old .... :P and when his children will be asking him this question ... he should with a big smile accept that he is govt responsibility ...
Islam has laid great emphasis on the rights of parents and the duties of children towards them. According to the teachings you are to be kind to them and be obedient.
Surah Isr'a
"Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor." It's clear that shrugging off the responsibility of old parents serves as an invitation to hell. Both the father and mother are equal when it comes to caring for them and providing them all possible physical comforts and mental peace. The time that the parents need to be looked after most, is in their old age. To serve them devotedly at that stage of their lives is the best way of pleasing Allah swt.
There is so much written in the Quran about taking care of parents especially during old age.. lets wait for his statement to change after he has a few kids and reaches old age too.
G G and the husband is such a choona kaka that he will follow whatever the wife says . I am not denying that alot of women are like that, they do whatever it takes to keep the husband away from his family and his resposibilities for his family. But the husband should know better, if he can marry and take responsibility of a new family, he might as well be strong and commited enough to understand that new responsibilities do not mean you give up the old ones.
Well it's common sense, when they're too old and sick and can't work then the kids should take care of them and that includes both physically and financially look after.
Everyone's diffrent in their thinking. I love Gina's post.
Makes me disgusted by my gora friends. They're lovely as friends but goodness knows why they think the way they do?! Once when my inlaws flew over to stay with us my friends asked, "why not a hotel?"
I think an elderly person staying with you brings so much blessing into your home.
Nice to see your lovely responses. thank you for making me feel better :)
I was so angry and depressed early morning after talking to this guy.
He is married to a Gori, from US. He said further, that in Pakistan there is security issue too. Who wants to go there with his family? Every day there are bomb blasts etc. I said you would be going for few days, for vacation, not moving there forever. He said still, it is better to go somewhere within US, than to Pak. Then he said, tell me will you go to a place like Somalia? I said if my parents are there, for sure. why not? If they can LIVE in Somalia, why I cannot go there and just pay a visit to them? he said yeah you are just saying, you will never do that. :-\
I told him, you will know when you reach your parents age, and position. When you will miss your kids and grand kids and no one will be around to look after you. He said, no, me and my wife has agreement, that we are never going to be dependent on our kids. :-|
Itna Gharoooooor... touba.
He said 1400 yrs ago, ppl would go on travel, and would not see their kids, wives and relatives for years. So it is the same thing now. I said how can you compare that time with today's modern age, when there is so much of advancement and technology. He said all the advancement and technology has only increased ppl's expectations. hence they expect alot from you. but in reality all these progress doesnt help much.
I did ask him his parents age. He said his father was 69. I said may be he ll do good for next few years but then he will need some care for sure. He said, no his health is already pretty bad (due to some sickness i think he said. didnt hear him what he said). Also they do not tell us to come and take care of them. (obviously tumharay jaisi aulad se kiya expect karna.)
Imagine, his father is sick and he cannot take care of him :( - He wants Govt. to take care of him :( -
Islam has laid great emphasis on the rights of parents and the duties of children towards them. According to the teachings you are to be kind to them and be obedient.
Surah Isr'a
"Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor." It's clear that shrugging off the responsibility of old parents serves as an invitation to hell. Both the father and mother are equal when it comes to caring for them and providing them all possible physical comforts and mental peace. The time that the parents need to be looked after most, is in their old age. To serve them devotedly at that stage of their lives is the best way of pleasing Allah swt.
There is so much written in the Quran about taking care of parents especially during old age.. lets wait for his statement to change after he has a few kids and reaches old age too.
Mein ne ussay bola that in Quran and even so many Ahadiths are about parents, their rights, taking care of them, not to say Uff etc. he said yes you should be good to them. But taking care of them, like be with them, or keep them with you, is not a duty on kids. I told him about my Mamoon who studied and lived in US for almost all of his life. But once he was a bit settled down, he brought his mother to him and kept her with him till her last breath. This guy said, okay good if he did so. But it was not his obligatory duty.
By the way I would like to know how does the folks who lives in US/UK/Canada, or any other far off place, how often do you people see your parents, if they are living in your home country? I am sure it must be difficult to pay visit each year. But dont you see them (either they visit or you visit) even once in two yrs ?
So Pakistan is unsafe for his own family (wife and kids) but it's safe for 2 elderly parents? He's issued himself a one-way ticket to hell FairyTale.. and eventually it'll all come back to him. Don't waste anymore time convincing someone that is hardly interested in his own parents' wellbeing. We are responsible for our parents, the same wa they were when we were little.. that's where the dua says it all.
"rabbir hum humma kamma rabi'yani sagheerah"
Lord be merciful to them for they have brought me up in my childhood.
that's really sad he thinks that way - but his style of thinking is the same as my gora friends, which is why we have so many old people's home in uk.
Gora parents are different as well. I had a lady with stroke who became significantly disabled, she had young kids, i explored the possibility for them helping her out but she said, she doesnt want her kids to spend their time looking after her.
My friends mom is the same. She doesn't want to live/been taken care of by her family because it would just cause a lot of stress on her and everybody else.
She would rather be in a retirement home with people her own age apparently. Her daughter refused and told her she was going to live with her.
So I guess not all Goras think the same.
Personally I would also want to hire a professional nurse in addition to having my or my spouses parents living with me. I don't think I could do it by myself and raise kids.
I don't agree with your friend's mentality...but people have a right to their beliefs. As Kakee said above, not every Gora person (or person of another race) thinks the same.
There are situations where parents live with their kids and are not treated well. And there are also situations where a parent might be really ill and professional care is more beneficial. You might say that your friend is not in the latter situation....I was just pointing it out as a possibility in other cases.
If you get the impression that your friend is not interested in his parents.....then how much respect is he likely to show them if he were to live under the same roof as them? Maybe the relationship would be more strained if there was greater involvement from him. You don't know the dynamics of his family.
i hope he can stick to the same concept of his as he grows old .... :P and when his children will be asking him this question ... he should with a big smile accept that he is govt responsibility ...
Fairytale please tell him this ^ and then get back to us. I would like to know his reply.
^And if she asks him that question....I wouldn't be surprised if he says that he's okay with his kids having the same view as him, that he doesn't want to be dependent upon them, wants to age with dignity, bla bla bla. Does he even have kids? If not...then maybe that experience will change his views down the road. Or maybe it won't. Do his own parents even want him to be involved...how is his relationship with them...it does take two parties to make and break a relationship?
You can't force him to do something he doesn't want to do. And if he's going to see taking care of his parents as a burden...they will pick up on that...it can make them feel more worse than when he stays away from them. Who knows.
Perhaps by calmly discussing the matter, you've given him something to reflect over at a later point. But again, you can't force him. If this aspect of his life bothers you to the point that you can't overlook it.....then don't be friends with him. If you feel that he's still a good friend despite this part of his personal life.....then maintain the friendship. Judgment of a person/situation can be pretty complicated. Live and let live.
. I am not denying that alot of women are like that, they do whatever it takes to keep the husband away from his family and his resposibilities for his family. But the husband should know better, if he can marry and take responsibility of a new family, he might as well be strong and commited enough to understand that new responsibilities do not mean you give up the old ones.