A rishta came for me today, but they left saying the wanted a light skinned girl for their boy. The mother said that they wanted a girl with milky white skin, not one who had skin that looked like tea with too much milk in it. THESE ARE EDUCATED PEOPLE!!
I have tan skin, but I also have a degree from an Ivy League university, I speak four languages, I can cook, I have a job. But still that’s not good enough. This is the third rejection on the basis of my skin I’ve gotten. I don’t think I’m bad looking, but I’m so annoyed with this situation. It’s affecting my self-esteem, and it’s making reconsider getting married.
Is fair skin the only thing people look for? I’ve been out of Pakistan for a long time, so this is coming as a bit of a shock to me. Does nothing else matter? How do I tackle this situation?
Ignore and move on. It seems it will still be a long time before some people will get past this narrow-minded mentality.
It might be an idea to pre-screen future rishtay and have someone share a pic of you before-hand.
Ignore and move on. It seems it will still be a long time before some people will get past this narrow-minded mentality.
It might be an idea to pre-screen future rishtay and have someone share a pic of you before-hand.
I thought by refusing to share a picture I could weed out people making a superficial selection based solely on appearance. But I thought wrong. -.-
it’s actually the opposite…you would think that people would rise above and want to meet you before they make up their minds…but fortunately, showing them a pic in advance helps to weed out those that later may say things that will hurt/frustrate you.
and btw…milky white is not all it’s chalked up to be, excuse the pun with the chalk there .
a splash of colour with the milk is so much prettier.
hang in there…
You should be thankful that they're showing their true colors early. Show a picture so that you can weed out the narrow minded and superficial jerks and not waste your time meeting them. It's better to weed out such people than to be stuck with a narrow minded family for the rest of your life.
Take this as an god provided opportunity to weed out the bad ones. They are not worth your time. Imagine getting stuck to these freaks till you die. You got saved.
Please do not take this rejection as a bad sign. You got saved from a potentially bad marriage.
Looks is something that goes in the background.. Personality education family is all that matters. I have met a good degree of women looking for proposals for their below average sons while rejecting good educated girls.
Find someone who values your education and thinking. Who wants to be your friend and not treat you like a decoration piece. Please do not be depressed.
What else can you do but move on? If you're not rejected on some aspect of your looks, you'll be rejected for something else. The right guy will look at you overall and he'll take a stand for you. His actions and words will align. This guy wasn't the one. And thank Allah that he was just a stranger or acquaintance at best. Imagine if you had invested emotional energy in him and formed an attachment to him...that would have hurt more. So much more. It's easier to move on when there are no feelings involved. Your path has been cleared for someone better to come along and hopefully it will be soon. And what goes around comes around. Trust that there will come a point in time...maybe in the near future...where this guy and his family are met with a rishta that will reject them in the same shameful manner if not worse.
Larkay ki Amma should start looking for a white girl. That would make her job a lot easier. Most of us Pakistanis are tan and you keep that in mind when looking for another Pakistani to marry.
A rishta came for me today, but they left saying the wanted a light skinned girl for their boy. The mother said that they wanted a girl with milky white skin, not one who had skin that looked like tea with too much milk in it. THESE ARE EDUCATED PEOPLE!!
I have tan skin, but I also have a degree from an Ivy League university, I speak four languages, I can cook, I have a job. But still that's not good enough. This is the third rejection on the basis of my skin I've gotten. I don't think I'm bad looking, but I'm so annoyed with this situation. It's affecting my self-esteem, and it's making reconsider getting married.
Is fair skin the only thing people look for? I've been out of Pakistan for a long time, so this is coming as a bit of a shock to me. Does nothing else matter? How do I tackle this situation?
Though such people do exist in large numbers, I have a problem believing that someone would say to your face: "not one who had skin that looked like tea with too much milk in it" .
How old are you? If the 94 in your username stands for your year of birth then you are 21 or almost 21. And Though your academic and career achievements are not unrealistic, your story still doesn't add up. Maybe you did get rejected on base of your skincolor and you are making up the rest of the qualities to 'compensate' your skincolor?
Anyways, remember chai with too much milk in it is still better than chai without patti but only milk.
It's just a question of finding the right people. I know many families who care above all about the girl being at least moderately and very educated. That is all. No issues of wealth, influence, blah blah.
Sharing a picture and some basic details before meeting is the best way to do this. Your parents give yours, don't tell you and you don't know if you get rejected. Much better to deal with it this way.
if you didn't show picture beforehand, they rejected you for your looks. why is it a bad thing? If someone doesn't find you attractive, why is it that person's fault?
rejecting guys for height, for an ivy league degree, not being well established financialy, having too many sisters bla bla bla - all that is right?
This is off-topic, but why can't people trust what posters say? They'e explained a situation and maybe little decent human beings and decent Muslims, we should trust her. It's not a crazy story in a skin-colour obsessed country like ours.
As for Gupshupper, having an aesthetic preference is not the problem - disrespect is, right in front of the person! And our preference for white skin colour goes beyond normal - it's an obsession, and unhealthy.
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