A rishta came for me today, but they left saying the wanted a light skinned girl for their boy. The mother said that they wanted a girl with milky white skin, not one who had skin that looked like tea with too much milk in it. THESE ARE EDUCATED PEOPLE!!
I have tan skin, but I also have a degree from an Ivy League university, I speak four languages, I can cook, I have a job. But still that's not good enough. This is the third rejection on the basis of my skin I've gotten. I don't think I'm bad looking, but I'm so annoyed with this situation. It's affecting my self-esteem, and it's making reconsider getting married.
Is fair skin the only thing people look for? I've been out of Pakistan for a long time, so this is coming as a bit of a shock to me. Does nothing else matter? How do I tackle this situation?
if you didn't show picture beforehand, they rejected you for your looks. why is it a bad thing? If someone doesn't find you attractive, why is it that person's fault?
rejecting guys for height, for an ivy league degree, not being well established financialy, having too many sisters bla bla bla - all that is right?
if you didn't show picture beforehand, they rejected you for your looks. why is it a bad thing? If someone doesn't find you attractive, why is it that person's fault?
rejecting guys for height, for an ivy league degree, not being well established financialy, having too many sisters bla bla bla - all that is right?
I don't think it's the rejection but the manner in which it is done....either in this case or the case of guys like you mention in your post.
I don't think this is a bad thing...everyone has their preferences.
Getting married is not about just tying two people together...its about finding the right fit...and this was definitely not it.
You should NOT be seeing these people for the first time when they come over, nor they you.
There should be a picture exchanged to weed out nonsense and not waste each other's time. Would have been better if they had seen a picture and just made an excuse rather than waste your entire day with this.
And yes, there are such people in this world. Just like there are women who want men with deep pockets, good looks, etc. there are these as well. Its what makes the world go round...:)
I don't think it's the rejection but the manner in which it is done....either in this case or the case of guys like you mention in your post.
Yeah, my school friends are all ivy league girls and they've basically rejected guys on crooked noses or balding dads but no one goes out and says that to the guy's face.
Ideally skin color should not matter but it does. What if she was speaking on guy's behalf? what if he is attracted towards "white skinned" girls? you don't want to get stuck with someone you are not physically attracted to.
I had a neighbor back home in Pakistan who is still single (in late 30s) because his height is around 5.2-5.3. Otherwise he is from good family, educated with good earning. He ran into girls who were themselves 5.1-5.2 but they wanted taller guy. As per their logic they can compensate their height by using high heals so they still want a tall guy.
All i m saying that its not too off to reject someone on physical have and have-nots because physical attraction matter in long run. Some people can compromise and some cant. You would be better of exchanging pics before meeting in person.
also, you should understand that tan skin or short height etc are not short comings of any kind so it should not effect your self-esteem. Inshallah sooner or later you will run into the one who is out there for u. If your nick contains your YOB, you are just 21. Have fun....enjoy life
One should not reject a guy based upon how many sisters he has or if he has gone to ivy league (unless you have gone yourself, but that is debatable), however, rejecting someone because they are an adult and not established financially is fine because that is something one can control to to a large extent. Height etc. I believe, that it should be according to the girl's height. I am 5 6" and I was always fine with the idea of a guy 2-3 inches taller with me. None of this, he should be 6 feet tall because all the guys in my family are 6 feet tall etc, nonsense for me.
I am an only child and my husband is one of nine siblings with seven sisters. He doesn't have an ivy league education but has a masters degree in engineering from the U.S. and read good books and that was more important to me. Yes, one should be physically attracted towards one's partner, but the very idea of being with someone whose very idea of beauty is being white skinned is abhorrent to me.
But yes, photographs should be shared to avoid heartbreak like this. I understand where you are coming from, OP and you are right but desis, are like this. You will IA, get married, after all the majority of our country is not milk white and they do get married.
Looking for excessive height, rich people etc are all signs of being shallow. To a degree everyone wants these things, it's going beyond, that destroys moral fiber. My friend who is all of 5' 1" wanted a tall husband, but still thanks another friend for knocking sense into her and telling her to look beyond these things. She married a guy who is 5'6". Ten years later she is still thanking that friend!
That's all I will say on the subject! Wonder where the OP is in all this?
Maybe they were indirectly trying to say they were upset with the tea? I guess in some cultures that could be the deal breaker! I am reminded of the scene from ‘baazighar’, chaiy ki patti!
