Is this a cultural thing that may be attributed to desis? Please note, I’m not being nasty here, I am just wondering…
I’m a gori married to a desi. But my hubby aside, I’ve had so many experiences with Desis who speak around a topic, talk in circles and avoid the issue at hand in any way possible.
WhY? I dont get it. I mean, heres one story. I had a house full of desi guests. I had all the preparations for a really lovely meal to make for them but they wanted to go out. The first desi came to me and said desi number 2 wants to go out, desi number 2 said desi number 3 wants to go out, desi number 3 said desi number 1 wants to go. I mean, wtf??? It doesnt matter here people!
This is just a very basic and no-matter situation but one that seems to follow in many ways the general life and actions of desis. WHen there is a life issue of consequence, rather than dealing with facts and specifics of the situation, its preferred to discuss suras, history, religions, other people…anything but the situation at hand.
Are desis typically this indirect? WHy???
I do realize that us goris/goras tend to be blatant, state the facts etc. But desis seem to avoid facts and spin tales that have little or nothing to do with the situation at hand. I find this upsetting/frustrating.
ok i can clarify that. he came over at age 18 for college and never left. He integrated into US culture completely, I think in part because he's a "scientific" type, one who sticks to and is comfortable with the facts. So he seems to be much more literal than the majority of other desis I've met. He means what he says and says what he means
One way to counteract the circular yakking is to just make the decision yourself! They'll follow, of course they'll go 'haww hai, look how she takes single handed decisions " to each other, but trust me, they 'll follow.
How funny - my husband does this with his family but with me he is more direct. I was married for years before I realized that the "stories" that my MIL would tell me about other people's bahus (she makes parathas every day for her husband, and so on) were her way of saying "why don't you do that"?(never mind that my hubby hates parathas :)
The one thing that really bothers me is witholding important information because they don't want to 'worry' us. No one will ever tell us when someone is seriously ill, but they do make a fuss about a cold, which leaves us wondering.
when they do talk direct desis in general have no tact. especially true for older generation, recent arrival, stay at home aunty types. Its best that they talk in circles because otherwise you may just reach out and slap them.
abay mondays, speaking up against jahil desi aunties is a mission..
case in point, on pakistan day event, which i usually dont bother going to anymore, but went there because my parents were around.. anyways so we run into a pal of mine, with him was his aunt who was visiting the city, so we say salam duaa, and right away she starts examining my kids as cattle, iss ko yeh karro, is ki naak shppti hai ussay side say dabaya karro, is ka matha peechay dabbya karro, ... yoon, iss tarah and then she proceeds to press the poor kids forehead who is stunned just as e are shocked at this bucktoothed smelly bizatch just manhandling the lil kid, and she wont give up, she leaves the stroller, and then then 15 seconds later attacks the poot kids again.. I am like err dude..my pal is all frozen and embarassed as hell, Begum is ticked off and not even looking at the lady anymore. I finally got fed up and said okay we gotta go cuz my folks are waiting inside and pulled the stroller out of the path of that bucktoothed yeti ki aulaad.
its not a case of the mondays man, its a case of severe allergies to these uncouth jahil desi aunty types. for that kind, I am all for chaddar and chardeewari..
My personal favorite is the time an aunty looked at my daughter, pinched one cheek, then another, then said, "hoonh, gori mother and shes sahiwal (sp?) - it will be too difficult to get her a good rishta"
My daughter replied "ji Aunty, it will be hard to find a boy who is smart like me. And he shouldn't like to play xbox all the time."
amana sahiwal is a city, she said sanwali which means dark.
good response btw.
my kids are too little to respond to her.
but really how dare she just I mean, can you keep yer remars to yourself, and even if you ahve an urge to say it, say it once and then shut up, not just keep repeating like a parrot and then physically pressing one kids nose on teh side to make it thinnr and pushing others forehaed to make it flatter..
Moron desis say oh she was only trying to help. abay, everyone else is dead in my family or my friends and youa re the ony einstein ki observant aulaad who can spot some issue an offer some solution.
I mean really reverse the situation, what if she had not done anythign and as soon as I met her after salam duaa I start telling her- aunty u have protruding front teeth, u are buck toothed, u should press them together and inwards every day for 1 minute 5 or 10 times.. okay aunty, let me show you see u press em towards each other and towards teh back...yes it will look good, now give me your fingers, you out them here, see and u press like this.
everyone who was sayign oh she meant well had nothing to say once I suggested this situation and asked if they felt that if this would be appropriate.
stay away from things that you cant talk directly about.
peopel talking in circles only adds to the khandani drama that we see.
steer clear, or have a position.
its not that no one knows what is going on, but all is done in a covert manner, naak neechi na ho, say something without actually saying it, if u hav an issue with someone instead of confrontng them, state something in front of someone who will relay it to that other side as an informant, seen it all.
Is that type of crap really worth our time? I may be considered rude by certain ppl in the family but I cant do doghla pana, I am how it is, I will state things as I see them, and I will not get involved in stuff unless I have any vested interests and unless that conversation with that person is really needed.
^ I agree. If you want to tell someone something important just say it. So much of the advice that is given is absolutely useless, or just someone's way of "stirring the pot". Before you say something, stop and think about whether anything useful can be achieved by not being direct.
I'm a gori married to a desi. But my hubby aside, I've had so many experiences with Desis who speak around a topic, talk in circles and avoid the issue at hand in any way possible.
WhY? I dont get it. I mean, heres one story. I had a house full of desi guests. I had all the preparations for a really lovely meal to make for them but they wanted to go out. The first desi came to me and said desi number 2 wants to go out, desi number 2 said desi number 3 wants to go out, desi number 3 said desi number 1 wants to go. I mean, wtf???? It doesnt matter here people!
This is just a very basic and no-matter situation but one that seems to follow in many ways the general life and actions of desis. WHen there is a life issue of consequence, rather than dealing with facts and specifics of the situation, its preferred to discuss suras, history, religions, other people.....anything but the situation at hand.
Are desis typically this indirect? WHy????
I do realize that us goris/goras tend to be blatant, state the facts etc. But desis seem to avoid facts and spin tales that have little or nothing to do with the situation at hand. I find this upsetting/frustrating.
Dont you?
Oh yes, i feel very frustrated by this. With passage of time, what i did was not to take part in such conversations at all and do something else or completely ignore the talk. Ofcourse, this made me a "badtahzeeb", relatives started saying he is too proud or what he thinks he is. But, i just can't take it.
