how comfortable are you talking about your marital issues with anyone other than your spouse?
Me, im not comfortable at all.. more so cus im uncomfortable with people knowing i may have an issue which is quite trivual really.. and once exposed, someone may say im having marital problems and that my hubz aint a good guy..
hence, i dont discuss such issues with anyone… a passing comment may be made to a close friend lekin never can and i dont think, ever will dsicuss with any family member..
but thats me.. and i could be going about things all wrong… lol
^^ i agree with ya totally and i am of same opinion ..
but however if you realli trust some one .. and you know that they can help you in a certain way cos of their expertize ..then i may tell em but definatly not in detail .. however i dunt mind telling how good our lifes are ... cos its great
You know--sometimes it REALLY helps to share something, even a seemingly harmless thing, with someone who is in the situation firsthand...they can tell you its normal (or happens to them and YOU can feel normal about it).
No matter what your level of comfort with someone is, there should be a limit to what you share with them. The problems start when you start sharing too much, and start acting on the *valuable advice *you get. One should keep the personal issues personal, I believe.
Im not the type of person who can keep things bottled up or pretend to be nice to someone when I actually dislike them at the moment. So, I would have it out with him and talk to him directly about what is bothering me.
^ That only works if the spouse person is willing to recognize that there is a problem. Some spouse might say "you are over reacting" and "just dismiss what is bothering you"
I do encourage people NOT to share their marital issues but sometimes when you can't talk to anyone - women start having a nervous breakdown. You can only bottle up your feelings for so long.
This is true...and this is where having a very very very good girlfriend comes in handy. The kind that doesnt gossip and tell your secrets to the world.
Dude, then you make sure you’re there for your wife’s emotional needs so she doesn’t feel the need to go elsewhere looking for comfort and advice. All men need to do this actually. You’d be surprised how much happier and peaceful your marital life is if you guys listened to women when they just want to ‘talk’.
This is true...and this is where having a very very very good girlfriend comes in handy. The kind that doesnt gossip and tell your secrets to the world.
true and I would add a friend that has your interest at heart. Sometimes girlfriends would tend to agree with you about everything.
But a good friend might give you advice that you may not like but will help you in the long run.
It's not what you talk about, it is who you talk to. If you never let it out, the steam gets building up and even small things accumulated over time, could lead to devastating consequences. Do let it out, but only to someone who is calm, mature and does not discuss any other person's issues.
Yes, I agree with the opinion that it's better to talk about your problems.
I've had problems too when I was married, but I didn't say much about it most of the time. A lot of non-Pakistanis didn't even know I was married, or they didn't know on time that I was married. That's how less I talked about my marriage.
But keeping everything inside and not talking about it, really doesn't help. Once you talked about it, be it with him or with your friends, you do feel better.
Sadzzz, I am the same way. I am not at all comfortable discussing my personal life issues with anyone, be it my best friend or someone in the family. The only person I have ever shared anything with is my mom, and even with her, I don't discuss very personal issues, but just normal things which i would need advise on.
Yes, I do agree with everyone that you should be able to share your problems with your friends or family, and they maybe able to help you, but it just isn't me. :(
The idea, which apparently I failed to get across, was that there should be a limit to what is discussed with an outsider. There is a certain understanding between the man and wife, which an outsider may or may not be able to assess properly, hence wrong advice. I do believe in open communication between the two, and when one is not willing to listen or considers it over-reaction, a good friend certainly will come in handy, but their advice is very much likely to be biased for apparent reasons. External emotional suppost might be important, but should be very carefully and responsibly sought.
Jaanwar dude - you got your idea across very well the first time. I, however, choose to repeat what I said again. They won’t seek outside support/advice if they get it from their spouse. Congrats - 1k woohoo!
Oh yes they will - its by default. And you can not expect a man to be ‘all ears’ 24x7, there always is a possibility of misunderstandings and arguments.
One should avoid discussing marital problems with others, unless there are some serious issues to be taken care of between the couple. The choice of who you seek comfort in and advice is extremely important. Family and friends are always there, however, the person you approach should know you and your spouse really well to be able to hear out both sides of the story. How much of the inside scoop should you share with that person is debatable depending on how serious the issue is. People quite easily lend their bogus suggestions when it comes to spousal relationship, without giving much thought to the issue itself. Keeping things at minimal exposure to others wouldn't take its toll on your married life in the long run.
