This is my first post and my first topic on this forum. I’ve been reading here for over a year now and just love people who write here.
Well my question is; would you marry a divorced man? We have often heard about ke "oh nehii larki ki talaak and stuff…” But what about the boys?
**A really close friend of mine has been through something which we other never thought about. He married a girl from Pakistan for 2 years back. Got nikkahfied and then the girl got the visa and all, but wanted to fulfill her studies as well. Since the family of the guy is well educated and all, they understood it and wanted the girl to accomplish her studies. They supported her. They planned a wedding ceremony a year after when she got the visa, went to pak and did dhoom dhaam se shaadi! And then when the girl came to this foreign country, uske to tewar hi alag the! =O My friend told me that she was just observing others, aur nakhre uthana aur dramey. She got my friends dad to make parathas every day for her and all! =/ and then the day came when she was going back to Pakistan to fulfill her studies. She took everything with her. Hota hai ke neya ghar ban raha hai, you are going to live in another country..just let your things be here and then go to pak and get the rest of your stuff as well. Par aisi to baat hi nehi thi. After some days she went to her parents’ house in pak and said that she wanted a divorce. She wanted all the money and gold which was mentioned in the nikkah. She already had much but she demanded more. She got the visa, money, gold and got divorced. The lil reason she started all this mess with was ke ; “inho ne mujhe wahan naukrani ki tarah rakha…” which was not true :S I know this uncle who is the father of my friend…he is heart operated, but yet he took her daughter in law and the rest of the family raat ke 12 bhajje bahir for sehr because she was just here for some weeks. He cooked so much food and did everything for her, aur usne yeh sillah diya :S My friend gave her many chances. Par voh phir na sudri. He even almost stopped talking with his parents because his ex-wife wanted so. **
**The relatives of this guy also started to go against him and his family. Logo ko bholne ki aadat hai..They didn’t do anything. They just said ke “humein kya pattah aap log bahir kehse rehte ho?”..=O How can someone say something like that…People usually say that we who live outside of Pakistan are very “sade log..” And i totally agree with that. Like i saw this girl and i could never even think that she would do something like that just for money and visa? She was doing masters in something, aur phir bhi akkal aisi nikli? **
Aunty - the mother of the guy is totally heart broken. Akhir ek hi ek beta…Nikkah ek saal raha, he sent eidiyan money mobile and everything for that girl…:S It seemed like to be so good..and this happened! Now this aunty is thinking about to do a new rishta for this guy…Par aaj kal i donno…Who would marry a boy who divorced his ex-wife? Jab inke relatives said so much, to who would trust other people then? :S
No because from what i've seen most of the "kunwaray" men don't give a 2nd chance to divorced ladies =) Yes agar ghalti na ho Imight but how will I know it wasn't his fault? :)
I don't know i guess it would depend on the circumstance. I think a lot of time divorced men end up marrying divorced girls because they understand each other and sometimes their priorities are different and expectations as well.
You're saying she was educated, came from a good family, looked really nice and sweet but turned out to be a total weirdo once she stepped into her husband's home? To top it all off she went back to Pakistan? She didnt stay here?
As far as a Visa is concerned...this doesnt make any sense to me. She was only married to him for a year...so she has yet to be sponsored or is her paperwork still pending? If its still pending, he can easily withdraw so she gets nothing out of it. It takes more than a year to get your greencard...even if you're married.
I dont know...none of this makes much sense...makes her sound almost bipolar which Im sure is not the case. I dont think you have the whole story.
No because from what i've seen most of the "kunwaray" men don't give a 2nd chance to divorced ladies =) Yes agar ghalti na ho Imight but how will I know it wasn't his fault? :)
Jee yeh bhi hai..its all about trust =)
@ Reha; they did nikkah in feb-march 2009 and applied for the visa ek dam se because the paperwork usually take 8-9 months..in nov she got the visa..and then the wedding planning started. The wedding ceremony took place in may 2010 and in june she was here.. Phir after 3-4 weeks went back to pakistan because she had studies to fulfill..my friend went there with her..and yes she was educated, came from a mid-class nice family, really nice and sweet girl..or maybe just looked innocent..Allah janta hai!
my friend is getting help from a lawyer now to stop her visa, because they dont have divorce papers according to the law in scandinavia..he has to apply for seperation etc..
and ofcourse i dont have the whole story yaar..i'm just telling what i have seen and know..:S
would I marry a divorced guy? It really depends on the situation, but Im sure most guys who have never been married before would not marry a girl who has been divroced. Im not saying its tit for tat, but it really depends on the situation.
My cousin married a divorced guy, and she is very happy with him. Sometimes 2 people are just not meant to be together, and just because they got a divorce from one spouse, it doesnt mean that they cant make a marriage work, it just means they werent right for the other person.
We dont have the whole story in this situation, so we cant judge, but from the sounds of it, she just used him to get immigration. He is doing the right thing by talking to a lawyer, but again, she has already come
to the country, so she is considered a landed immigrant now, and its hard to prove that she just married him to come to the country. Unfortunately, these kinds of cases are very common.
"@ Reha; they did nikkah in feb-march 2009 and applied for the visa ek dam se because the paperwork usually take 8-9 months..in nov she got the visa..and then the wedding planning started. The wedding ceremony took place in may 2010 and in june she was here.. Phir after 3-4 weeks went back to pakistan because she had studies to fulfill..my friend went there with her..and yes she was educated, came from a mid-class nice family, really nice and sweet girl..or maybe just looked innocent..Allah janta hai!
my friend is getting help from a lawyer now to stop her visa, because they dont have divorce papers according to the law in scandinavia..he has to apply for seperation etc.."
She got what kind of visa? Surely she didnt marry a guy and come all the way here for simply a visa? That again, doesnt make much sense to me because in order for her to get immigration...she would have to be married to him for a longer period of time. If the marriage disintegrates before that...she has to go back...so whats the point behind that? Are the laws different in Scandinavia? If he applies for divorce, it makes her immigration case weaker...she went back to Pakistan herself...it doesnt seem like she cared much for immigration.
Desi Larki, I have suffered exactly what you have mentioned (same visa, money, and house too). The worst of all was she broke MY HEART. I am left with Allah Allah only.
Reha - Some Pakistani girls do that i.e. marry for money, gold, and visa of a foreign country. Yes VISA! Call it their ignorance but they don't know / understand that if your visa is sponsored by your husband and the marriage ends then the visa is no more valid.
Also, on the same note: its about time desis stopped saying "bechari larki." Larkis, especially educated Pakistani ones, are no more becharis and deal you with a rough hand if you are not careful in dealing with them. Stuff like getting divorce on flimsy / non-existent grounds, robbing the husband off money, gold, gifts, etc. is pretty common.
Guys need to be REALLY careful these days. Like really really careful!
whats very interesting is that an incident reported in which a girl was doing evil is considered 'not complete story'......if a similar story was tossed about a guy everyone would believe it instantly and not think about the 'wholeness' of it..........
Know of a couple of stories like this. Which at times makes you think how complicated women can be, marrying and living with a person for few wordly gains.
whats very interesting is that an incident reported in which a girl was doing evil is considered 'not complete story'......if a similar story was tossed about a guy everyone would believe it instantly and not think about the 'wholeness' of it..........
Double standards buddy. We are stamped evil right away without a second thought when a woman does something which is negative then it is "every coin has two sides".
whats very interesting is that an incident reported in which a girl was doing evil is considered 'not complete story'......if a similar story was tossed about a guy everyone would believe it instantly and not think about the 'wholeness' of it..........
Double standards buddy. We are stamped evil right away without a second thought when a woman does something which is negative then it is "every coin has two sides".
You can't handle woman if you don't have strong faith and religion. 99% problems due to it.
You can't change basic instinct of woman. She will die if "exposed".
Women "blow on knots" especially on dark moon nights as mentioned in Surah Naas and Surah Falak. They go to wizards and try to control husbands.
You can't even spare your mother on this....she might be doing it to SON just to keep hold of him when he gets married.
A Sahabi asked Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), should I obey my father or mother? Aap replied, "Your Mother", then again he asked, Aap again replied, "Your Mother", then again "Your Mother". Fourth time he asked, Aap replied "Your Father". It indicates when a man reaches 40 years of his age, he is capable to understand the nature of woman well.
Secondly, if you study other religions including Korean and Japanese, they also have healers called "possessed shamans". According to them, the SPIRITS of ones family ancestors remain on earth till 40 years and keep bothering their children. So, it means the deeds of parents also affect their kids. This is the reason ISLAM says you should feed your kids HALAL income so their lives are better. Westerners call it MID LIFE crisis.
She got what kind of visa? Surely she didnt marry a guy and come all the way here for simply a visa? That again, doesnt make much sense to me because in order for her to get immigration...she would have to be married to him for a longer period of time. If the marriage disintegrates before that...she has to go back...so whats the point behind that? Are the laws different in Scandinavia? If he applies for divorce, it makes her immigration case weaker...she went back to Pakistan herself...it doesnt seem like she cared much for immigration.
one can apply for visa if they meet all the criterias, which they did. they were over 18, the guy has a nice job, house, income and all...they did well on the interview as well...so she got the visa..
yahan pe khud kehna parhta hai if they want to move out from country, especially if you are over 18..but she didn't..uske signatures chahiye hote hai which she wont sign on..and he really dont want to go and meet her all the way to pak now since its over...:S
Desi Larki, I have suffered exactly what you have mentioned (same visa, money, and house too). The worst of all was she broke MY HEART. I am left with Allah Allah only.
uffhh..=/ how can people do something like that..i dont get it..insaan nehi hai?!?
what did u do to come over all this? =S choti baat nehi hai..
Know of a couple of stories like this. Which at times makes you think how complicated women can be, marrying and living with a person for few wordly gains.
i had heard stories like this before, but never seen them..abh yeh bhi dekh liya! =S Uska to bharosa gaya logo se abh...=/
Desi Larki, I have suffered exactly what you have mentioned (same visa, money, and house too). The worst of all was she broke MY HEART. I am left with Allah Allah only.
