We had decided to get married and yet we needed to involve our families.
Our parents had not met each other before so his sister called my parents cuz they had met her a while ago.
She called to show their interest and to ask when they can come over for rishta. My mother – who doesn’t know anything about me and him just said that hum pehle apne khandaan me mashwara kar lein phir aap se baat karein gey.
His sister was insisting to call 30 min later and then fix a date to come over. My mother apparently didn’t like that pressure.
So after hanging up his sister calls me and tells me that my mother’s response wasn’t very positive and that my mum didn’t even respond to her talk about Ramadan etc. I felt like I had to justify my mother’s reaction despite the fact the me and mum doesn’t get along very well as we disagrre a lot but she is still my mum and I felt that I had to justify by telling his sis that mum does not talk that much in general which she actually doesn’t…
On the top if his sister goes “ aise to koi tukk nahin bani thi” to talk about involving khandaan….
I was just sitting there totally confused and also very furious, both on my mum and his sis.
Mum just cant get it that I don’t want my family in Pakistan to get involved as they are VERY different from me. And his sis must have shown a bit tolerance towards her brother’s might- be- in laws….
Anyways, my sister called and we talked. She told me that my parents are not negative at all. They are just worried as they don’t have any clue on this guy’s family and they wanna find out more about them.
Then I spoke to mum on the phone and she seemed quiet calm telling me to talk about it when I get home in a couple of days but she also mentioned the part on khaandaan which I really didn’t understand!!!
Anyways…late yesterday, his sister goes like “why did u get angry in the beginning of Ramadan and that half of the shaytaan lies in oneself and that we shud control”. My God, at that moment I seriously got offended as she should not speak to her future bhabi like that. And on the top of that, she herself got angry cuz of mum’s reaction and couldn’t behave when she called me the day before…
Maaaaan I think I am too sweet to people taking their crap!!!
P.S
I really wanna tell her directly to behave properly with me but the thing is that she says all this very calmly and with a smile on her face that u really cant start a discussion with her.
I really have no clue on how to deal with this and still remain a good relationship with her!!!
I think u don't need to let these incidents bother you. Think of the end result. You want to be with him? So, this will be a small price to pay. You choose ur hubby but unfortunately can't choose ur sister-in-law. So my suggestion will be to stay focus on end goal.
ohh so ur sil is one of those who works with meethi churi. ignore her. give her the same smile back n say one shudnt talk about others parents this way especially during ramadan. gunah milta hai. then hug her n say lets pray for maghfirat.
yeh.. thas the typical do it yourself ristha process.
Hang tight, if both families are good people then wait till they meet atleast two times, they'll warm up.
As for telling your SIL anything.. dont say a word yet.
You dont want to make the wrong first impression that will last forever.
You really do seem like a sweet girl, let them find that out for themselves.
Rishta jauRRing is a very sensitive issue for desi families, especially the immediate family like sisters, mothers etc. on both sides. Keep in mind there are many emotional forces at play. ideally, it should be decided by the two souls involved but let's get real, we are desis and gotta play with the deck we are dealt with.
Be patient and don't get into any arguments. Involve your MAN and explain to him just like you did to us above. Communication is the key at this stage. And do NOT rush. Don't get too ahead of yourself.
Tell the sister that it is only natural of your mom to ask for more time. But assure her that it is not a negative attitude and she in no way is trying to put anyone down. Also, tell her that she will definitely change her opinion about your mom once they meet in person.
I like Suroor’s advice
Chameli you gotta develop some hidden claws…you know the kind that your SIL has - haans ker baat bhi keh di aur kisi ko kuch paata bhi na chaala. You should visit my khandaanwalas on your next vacation. We’ll teach you all these “ways” of desis
update your mum 'n dad about your kaarvayee before they're blindsided by such phonecalls from supposed strangers.. obviously your future sis-in-law didn't know she'd be calling a totally clueless mother so was rather taken aback by her cautious tone..
fix it.. spill the beans to your parents.. they deserve that at the least.. and tell them u don't want anyone else involved.
Right now I dont feel like marrying into thos family.
She is too possesive about her brother. She knew all the way how my parents would react. I had told her!!!then she should not have called and pissed me off like that. Ye to khushi ka mauka tha and she just ruined my mood!!!
Look at your signature: The Holy Prophet (PBUH) said:
“The Muslim does not slander, curse, speak obscenely or speak rudely.”
and then look at your comment. Dont you think you are a bit rude when someone is talking about her personal issues here....thora sabar bhi hona chahye!
why are you marrying into this family anyways? You are not too sure about the guy, you obviously dont like the sister/family much, then why? Just to ruin your and his life? :-s
