Re: Taking crap
chmeili
u are not sure about the guy?
Re: Taking crap
I was serious…
And if I were you, I’d wait a little while before getting married…At your age quick decisions based on quick emotions can make or break a life…
Re: Taking crap
Chameli, I think you need to seriously analyze the situation. How much saccrifice are you putting into this, and how cooperative is this guy’s family being?
A guy will be one thing to you, and then another once he’s under family pressure.
Have you spoken to your fiance (er whoever he is right now) about this? What was his reaction and his solution?
Isn’t this the guy that wont trust you to drive a car, and then expects you to arrange for your own transportation to visit him? 
Sounds like a selfish family to me. Maybe you need to look in the country you live in. Why move to another country when the situation clearly looks fishy?
Re: Taking crap
SIL should not be in the picture. Whats with the 30 minute warning :-D beware of this character..you haven't seen the last of her.
There is no harm in your boy talking to your folks directly...it's not an arranged affair...so why bring in traditions etc. Where are his parents anyway? Why aren't they talking to your family.
If the guy is not taking much of an innitiative to make things happen then take a hint.
Re: Taking crap
You simply tell poeple like her for once and for all..... Hun get married first.... and then let her know once and for all.
IF you want me to respect you then keep your comments to yourself. I wnt to be part of this family as well i will play a very good role that you cant even expect from anyone else. But if you act like a B* i sure know how to act like a B* and a witch at the same time.
I guarantee you she will not say a single word after that :D ....
dont say that until the next day of shadi :D
you take crap of your parents and elder siblings all your life after shadi you expect some relief.... But those who give you crap and fall under in laws category you simply tell them NO in the begining....
I have slightly fixed mine one a little.
I have a issue agar ghee seedhi ungli se nahe nikalta to i dont bother doing my ungali teerhi mein sare ka sara daba ulta deti hon....
Re: Taking crap
focus on the end, not the means.
your goal s to get married to this guy.
your parents, his sister, family whatever are people you have to work with to get this done
you can either get ticked off at everything that is not the way you want it to be, or you can try to facilitate the entire process by making sure that ppl at both sides are as comfortable as they can be.
no need to get into mind games, no need to open up your private battlefronts against his sis, no need to make it an Us vs them or you vs everyone issue, no need to get into taking sides and all..'
realize this, all people involved in this are involved due to you and for you. You can not stay on the sidelines and sulk at things, but you need to do what is needed to be done, your parents should hear your views, perspectives and preferences from you directly. if you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to talk to them as one grown up talking to another grown up. make them see why you do not want family at large to get involved etc.
and as far as for people doing research about the other side and the dude, that is expected, but that should not mean that no contact between the parents can be made prior to that. The first contact does not have to be a rishta.. it can be a meet and talk and for your folks to meet him and vice versa.
and oh yeah, in these meetings, everyone needs to check their egos, tempers and mind games at the door, otherwise the results could be quite opposite of what you want.
Re: Taking crap
LI, moi speaking for experience. Begum and I had to involve families and it went very very smooth.
for some cousins, and fiends deals in similar situations things did not go as smoothly because of how they handled it themselves. I was called in by them at times to smooth things over..kinda like a negotiator or peacemaker
maturity, flexibility, honesty in these situations works great.
plus the guy and the girl should be on one page, and help smooth things out on their sides respectively.
here is the thing, eithr u dictate everything, and eveyrthing is done your way
or you help others do what they want as long as it is heading in the right direction, but dont let them do things that u are not comfortable with.
control of the situation does not always have to be direct :)
Re: Taking crap
look, sisters are like that, mothers are like that. its not a big deal. i mean it is a big deal but not THAT big, if u love the guy put up with his family and he should do the same