Re: Taking Care of Parents
I experienced this with one person in my family in the U.S. My youngest khala (widowed and no kids) had a stroke in her late 50’s which left half her body paralyzed. She ended up with a feeding tube, bed ridden in a diaper, could not recognize/remember anyone in the family/her past 90% of the time etc. She required around the clock care that no one in the family could provide. Everyone works and no one could afford to simply give up their job to stay home with her. And with her condition, it’s not like she could be left alone in a home for 8-10 hours a day. I have one khala who is retired and lives on her own…however, this particular khala is herself in her 70’s and has physical problems. It was a painful realization for this khala and others to accept that even IF my bedridden khala moved in with this khala, the retired khala was not physically strong enough to do the things that needed to be done every few hours in order to ensure that the bedridden khala was property taken care of. LONG story short…the family (my khalas/mamus) agreed to put the khala in a nursing home. Every week the family took turns visiting here but of course, most of the time she didn’t even recognize anyone. She lived in that nursing home for about a year and then died.
My parents are thankfully very healthy right now and 100% independent (they’re in their 60’s). However, if it ever comes to a point where they are not able to live on their own, my plan is to have them live with me (and split time with my sisters if they’re willing to share the responsibilities). My husband is supportive of my plan. If they are in a position where they need professional medical care or constant supervision, then I would like to think that I have enough savings to be able to hire the necessary help. With my in-laws, they will most likely live with my BIL since they’re much closer to BIL/SIL (both of whom are physicians). In the event of serious medical conditions, thankfully my in-laws are very wealthy and can easily afford to hire a full-time nurse to stay with them if the need arises. I can say for sure that my in-laws will never end up in a nursing home.
The thing is most people don’t know how hard this is. Having an elderly person live with you who can feed/bath/poop etc. on their own is one thing. But dealing with someone with medical needs like the ones you describe, or even dealing with someone who has let’s say has Alzheimers and tends to have violent outburst can be VERY difficult and take a toll on everyone living in the household including children. And as you mentioned, hiring home health care is not cheap. I believe there is a nursing home in NJ started by a Indian guy that caters to the India community. I’d think down the road more will open up as our parents generation and ours becomes older.
**Question: ** Has anyone here actually have lived with a person who was bedridden and needed constant medical care? Like the ones described by PCG? I know many of you have a family where both you and your spouse work full time. Are you financially in a position to give up one paycheck in order to have a elderly parent move in with you who is bedridden and can’t be left alone for hours? If you’re a man, are you willing to bathe and change your elder mother’s diaper if she’s in that condition OR do you expect your wife to do this without complaining? How many of you are aware of the costs of home health care and truly believe you an afford it?