Those living in the West where everyone works especially, what is your gameplan on how to take care of your parents and prevent them from being put in a nursing home ?
Re: Taking Care of Parents
My grandparents live with us, i.e. their son, daughter-in-law and grandchildren. mA my grandparents are very healthy and tough atm so they do not need looking after at all. They usually go about their day by visiting their other kids or going to their day care centres just to get out of the house a bit whilst the rest of us are at work/school/uni.
Even if they were fragile and unable to look after themselves we would never put them in a nursing home. Don’t know why but i feel that it’s so cruel. The people who looked after you cannot be looked after by their own kids? kinda heart-breaking tbh.
Re: Taking Care of Parents
Parents in law live with us. My parents live with my sister and brother in law in another state.
Re: Taking Care of Parents
Keep them with me wherever I go
Re: Taking Care of Parents
We have 24 hour nurses for my grandmother who’s recovering from a stroke and they have the most horrific tales about people who have all the money in the world but not enough time to visit their parents even once a day. People think they’re fulfilling their financial duties but forget the emotional aspect. So I guess that’s the most important part for me. Financially my grandmother made the provisions herself so her frugal attitude paid off.
Re: Taking Care of Parents
My mother either stays with us, or one of my brothers. She gets along exceptionally well with my wife, so she prefers to stay with us.
But every once in a while she’ll want to shower her sons with laad pyar (I’m not that type and she has finally acknowledged that 
), and therefore goes and stays with one of them for a few days.
Never gave this much of a thought to be honest, she will obviously not go to a nursing home, never was and never will be an option. If push comes to shove, of course we’d accomodate our life(style) for her, just like she did when our father died, by learning a foreign lamguage and taking up a job, both things unheard of, for Pakistani women here in the 80s, and she did face great opposition from her brothers.
Re: Taking Care of Parents
Buy them treadmill, keep them healthy…
Re: Taking Care of Parents
Depends on the circumstances then but Inshallah my parents are not going to Nursing home just because I am too busy to take care of them.
We had working parents yet my mom worked around our schedule (and i m talking 80s) and made sure one of the two (ammi or abbu) is always available to us. We were never sent to childcare. Not that I am comparing their effort with mine but if they can do it, we can do it too.
PS: No I am not saying Nursing homes or Children daycare are bad. I am just talking about my priorities and circumstances.
Re: Taking Care of Parents
I don’t consider nursing homes bad neither, but my mother does, obviously because she is from an older generation with a different mindset. Personally I wouldn’t mind ending up at one, if I get old with ailing health.
Re: Taking Care of Parents
probably we will consider it bad when we will become older generation with a different mindset…may Allah bless our parents ameen
Re: Taking Care of Parents
I don’t think I will change my mind about nursing homes, even when I get older.
But I wouldn’t want my wife to end up at one, if I die before her. I would want my child(ren) to take care of her.
And obviously I would never send my mother to one, regardless of how she felt about it.
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My own parents passed away when I was young…my husband’s parents are alive and healthy alhamdulilah…no matter how difficult I may find to get along with them but I would never let them live in a nursing home.
Re: Taking Care of Parents
just don’t go to doctor together with MIL 
Re: Taking Care of Parents
OMG you still remember. 
Re: Taking Care of Parents
NO!!
Re: Taking Care of Parents
My parents live with me and am thankful to Allah for that. On the outside it might look like we are taking care of them, but it is really the other way around. Having them around gives me a sense of strength and peace. My kids are also very attached to them. I cannot imagine them living in nursing home.
Re: Taking Care of Parents
I would never put my parents in a home. Luckily my parents are around 60 and still active with limited health problems. They are financially well off which helps. I have seen some parents in my family get banded from house to house after a few years because one son gets sick of them etc. Tragic if you ask me.
Re: Taking Care of Parents
Sons (and daughter) taking turns in caring for their sick parent is not a bad idea. There is caregiver fatigue. It’s real. Caring for a dependent elderly is very different from caring for a baby.
Baby poops – change diaper, cute, smiley face.
Elderly stroke-ridden patient with sacral ulcers that are infected and oozing pus poops → nightmare.
Did yo guys know people who are bedridden need to be turned every 2 hrs otherwise they get pressure ulcers? Do you know how to change wound dressing ? Or tell if your 90 yr old mom has a urine infection?
Elder care is manageable at home but it requires time and some training from the nurses. And home health nursing is expensive in the US.
Re: Taking Care of Parents
I agree - if done mutually. However, I have seen aunties uncles etc who come round to my parents house with their tales, not of being mistreated, far from it, but they have this look of feeling like a burden, which breaks my heart.
Re: Taking Care of Parents
It’s interesting how none of us are willing to put our parents into care but we are willing to go there ourselves.
Why is that?
Someone also mentioned that they would be okay with living in a nursing home themselves but would not want to have his wife there if he should pass away first. Why is that?