Re: Taking care of moms
And it’s even harder if it’s the MIL telling ya 
Re: Taking care of moms
I really think its a part of life. When you're young, you are the one that runs your home, when you are older and need to be cared for by your kids, you must give up the control/power you had and let them do their thing. This is the circle of life. Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with it. As long as the kids treat the elderly parent with respect, don't neglect them and attend to their needs, I'm sure the parent will be happy that they are being cared for! Some people get sent to nursing homes...at least we aren't doing that.
So lately I have been in the company of older widowed moms who are living with their sons. This is the common thought process of most of these ladies:
- That they miss not having command over the new set up they are in.
- It doesnt matter how good the son and daughter in law are, they wish they could get their life back where they were in charge and didnt have to adjust.
- If given a chace, they would rather live alone than in the comfort of their son's home.
Now these ladies are not that old, they still have lots of energy and want to remain active. However, as they aren't used to the system around here and cannot drive or speak English, they do feel restricted and have limited options in terms of having a job or being part of a local social network.
Anyways, I understand the feeling as I was trying to put myself in their shoes. It must feel awful to all of a sudden not be the one making decisions on how the home should be run. On top of that, to adjust to a busy home where kids are running around and pretty much the entire house is controlled around the activities of the kids must be boring sometimes. Also, as everyone is busy with their schedules, these grandmas must feel lonely as well.
This is a pretty common scenario in our culture where parents move in with their kids in their older age, and it is especially tough on the the moms. How can we make their experience better given that ever child does try their best but obviously one has to look at a big picture.
Haven't read the whole thread but wish you had not talked about "Taking care of moms" only. Pops, Dad, Papa, Daddy, Abbu Gi, Baba Gi, Abba Gi etc. ...........do not deserve to be taken care off...? :(
There still could be widowed fathers....who will talk about them?
I understand you would not possibly have company of those widowed men but please talk about them too. Men may need help too when widowed. Sorry I did not mean to put you on the spot. Just felt like older widowed men also deserve some attention. :)