I agree. But you can’t really know what’s going on in someone’s mind unless you’ve walked in their shoes. I remember from a while back this young woman in our community who came from Pakistan after marriage. She had a very conservative, traditional upbringing and we younger girls used to walk a tightrope around her because the slightest breaches in protocol would hurt her feelings (e.g. saying salaam to someone younger than her before we said salaam to her). It wasn’t until I went to Pakistan and saw that there were households/communities that actually took this stuff very seriously that I began to understand her mindset. So while I didn’t agree with this way of thinking, it allowed me to better understand her and give her a bit of slack. It was pounded into her head that THIS is the proper mode of behavior and it’s difficult to change after so many years.
That said, like PCG mentioned, if we all put our egos aside a bit and try not to take everything so seriously - or rather, negatively - it would go a long way to improving EVERY type of relationship, whether it’s saas/bahu, bhabi/nand, husband/wife, etc.
The way I see it–if my husband or someone else explained to me the intentions behind what my MIL said to me…I wouldn’t be so offended.