Yes, I would feel bad too, hey we're human and have feelings. Just a question.. how was their behaviour the night of the wedding? did you go home or were you whisked off to a hotel after the function? Tonz of things happen at weddings that go unnoticed cuz we're sitting on a stage looking all pretty - maybe its not customary for them to come and greet u and hug u since its a function from their side and usually its a norm for the dulha's family to be on the floor greeting the guests and walking around making sure everyone is having fun. Don't take things personally my dear.. some families have different customs. Just learn to accept everyone for who they are.. if they didnt come up on stage.. I wudve gone down and met them during dinner or had them specially invited up on stage to have dinner with me to clear up the air. Aisi choti choti baatein hoti rehti hain.. believe me im like the queen of sensitivity but my husbands' taught me one thing and that is the fact that no other woman is as beautiful as I am - and no matter what anyone else does - if your nice to them and ur positive - u'll alwyz make a place in their hearts.. koi baat nahi agar theek tarha nahi mile to - dont let this get into ur mind.. cuz once u start thinking on this track.. things start building up and adding up and it creates misunderstandings.. so stay happy and respect everyone - sab kuch khudi sahi hojaata hai
it doesnt matter wessay bhi i dont really believe in compliments,i do it all the time n most of the times i know i dont mean it, i m just saying it to make someone happy.:)
would you take offense if none of the woman in your in-laws(except 1) compliemented you just even once by themselves or didnt even make one positive statement about you or didnt smile at you or hug you or kiss you on the day of function?
say for example the only people who said naything nice about you was your hubby and your brother in law and your hubby's momani but NONE of the main women did especially your sister in law and mother in law?..and you felt like they were doing this on purpose in front of you
WOULD you take offense and take it seriously?
would you take it to mean that the women in your sasural s dont care about you?
or that they are trying to be mean to you on purpose?
is this a bad omen for the future?
honey my inlaws specially the budian (old women)do behave like tht,our marriage was the decision of my husbund and his brothers but remaining of my inlaws was not happy with our rishta,thts why till now they dont behave nicely,in earlier days i was bit upset of thier behavior,i talk to my husbund and he told me to ignore thier behavior and dont listen thier foolishness,once my sister in law said my husbund u did fist marriage with ur will now do second with our merzi,even she said in front of me,tht was difficult to bare but i did,so i waana say is if ur husbund is nice to u and he is with u ,then nothing doesnt really matter ,ignore them
no one from my in laws side - girls that is - complimented me on my 3 days of my wedding, apart from my husbands eldest sister in law. My MIL, and two other SIL's only now say I looked lovely, when they look back and drool over the pics! It did not bother me at all because mashallah, everyone told me I looked amazing and as his two sisters are near my age, and don't dress like I do, I knew it was plain jealousy - because women are jealous creatures! His two youngest sisters will also mention my sisters outfits from time to time but never say how nice they were - when deep down they wish they had them! Everyone at the wedding was amazed by my sisters barat oufits and were so happy to see them 'done up' as it wasnt the norm for my sisters. Where his two youngest sisters wore really old styles and dated jewellery and had there own hair/make up done.
I did most of the planning for both sides of the family and alot of there extended family tell them that if it wasnt for your DIL your functions would never have happened, that is enough for me lol. His SIL had her ruksati and I did all the table decs/stage/cake etc, and all there extended family were really happy but not once was I told by my sis in laws that i did a good job. Its just jealousy, plus no one even complimented my maria b outfit that i wore, his sisters would look very closely at the suit but not say 'mashallah you look lovely' i think ppl who dont have an agenda will always compliment you. but other than that mashallah everyone in there family is amazing with me apart from when i get dressed up lol. the thing is that his SIL's are not pretty - not that I am - and are very overweight. They dont know how to apply makeup or do hair, and have never heard of designers in pakistan. there idea of a fab outfit is from the local market at 30.00!
and the other thing that must annoy them is there own husbands will compliment me infront of them......maybe that annoys them?
Original poster, Atleast you didnt have anyone from the inlaws (one of the main ones) tell you your sister looked more prettier than you, the bride on the wedding day? :)
honey my inlaws specially the budian (old women)do behave like tht,our marriage was the decision of my husbund and his brothers but remaining of my inlaws was not happy with our rishta,thts why till now they dont behave nicely,in earlier days i was bit upset of thier behavior,i talk to my husbund and he told me to ignore thier behavior and dont listen thier foolishness,once my sister in law said my husbund u did fist marriage with ur will now do second with our merzi,even she said in front of me,tht was difficult to bare but i did,so i waana say is if ur husbund is nice to u and he is with u ,then nothing doesnt really matter ,ignore them
What a rotten SIL to tell him get second wife with our merzi! I suppose ppl like that say things in order to get u to react, so its good that u dont react, hopefully sooner or later they'll realise their words r not having any effect and leave off.
Original poster, Atleast you didnt have anyone from the inlaws (one of the main ones) tell you your sister looked more prettier than you, the bride on the wedding day? :)
Is that what they said to u? There are evil ppl in this world!
I got a whole load of comments from extended in-laws cos they were p'd off that husband had not married in the family (i.e. one of their daughters / one of them). I still get them even after a few years, but I dont react, just laugh and joke like it doesnt mean anything to me, and it gets them riled and helpless cos nothing they say thats gonna make me upset.
no one from my in laws side - girls that is - complimented me on my 3 days of my wedding, apart from my husbands eldest sister in law. My MIL, and two other SIL's only now say I looked lovely, when they look back and drool over the pics! It did not bother me at all because mashallah, everyone told me I looked amazing and as his two sisters are near my age, and don't dress like I do, I knew it was plain jealousy - because women are jealous creatures! His two youngest sisters will also mention my sisters outfits from time to time but never say how nice they were - when deep down they wish they had them! Everyone at the wedding was amazed by my sisters barat oufits and were so happy to see them 'done up' as it wasnt the norm for my sisters. Where his two youngest sisters wore really old styles and dated jewellery and had there own hair/make up done.
I did most of the planning for both sides of the family and alot of there extended family tell them that if it wasnt for your DIL your functions would never have happened, that is enough for me lol. His SIL had her ruksati and I did all the table decs/stage/cake etc, and all there extended family were really happy but not once was I told by my sis in laws that i did a good job. Its just jealousy, plus no one even complimented my maria b outfit that i wore, his sisters would look very closely at the suit but not say 'mashallah you look lovely' i think ppl who dont have an agenda will always compliment you. but other than that mashallah everyone in there family is amazing with me apart from when i get dressed up lol. the thing is that his SIL's are not pretty - not that I am - and are very overweight. They dont know how to apply makeup or do hair, and have never heard of designers in pakistan. there idea of a fab outfit is from the local market at 30.00!
and the other thing that must annoy them is there own husbands will compliment me infront of them......maybe that annoys them?
Silsila: I dont think there is anything wrong with sisters doing their own hair and makeup on the wedding..I will do my own makeup on my sisters wedding as I know what looks best on me.
"They dont know how to apply makeup or do hair, and have never heard of designers in pakistan. there idea of a fab outfit is from the local market at 30.00!"
This is really not a nice comment you made. I donot have enough money to buy designer clothes either:(
you have taken my quotes out of context, my taste and theirs is worlds apart - but regardless of taste, it would be nice if ppl esp sis in laws genuinely complimented u!
I treated my sisters to having there hair and make up done, im not rich but worked and saved damn hard for my wedding, I paid for everything, because I wanted specific things for me and my family and for my special day. Plus my sisters had never had full make up and hairstyles before and its something I gifted to them - so when ppl saw them they were suprised as we are simple girls. I saved for over 3 years to buy all the things i dreamt of........but my sis in laws didnt like the fact that my sisters had gorgoeus clothes/hair/make up......but why.....its down to personal choice, y hate on someone who wants to do it? Its easy to be nice then nasty.
my sis in laws aren;t short of money, but would rather someone else buy them something expensive rather than forking out for themselves............but i am different, if u want something, ppl can work hard and get it. its up to th person if thats what they want to do, its all about choice! I never said there is anything wrong with what they do, but why hate on someone who works hard to get the luxuries in life for themselves and family.
yes most of you are right that i shouldnt care. but i dont mean compliment as in telling me i look gorgeous what i mean is saying something positive and encouraging on the day of the function to the girl who is joining the family. smiling at her showing her warmth and affection showing her that they are happy that she is joining the family. i know for myself that whenver i go to weddings i always say something warm and sweet to the bride because that girl is coming into a new family and it is her sepcial day so i think she should be made to feel special but maybe women in pakistan especdailly dont agree with my thinking. im just so used to it here that its sort of a shocker when the opposite happens. the young men i guess do not have the jealousy and arrogance and insecurity that the women in the family do. i sould realize this and then there will be no reason to be hurt
silsila: I wouldn't care if my inlaws didnt compliment me. If you know you look good and your hubby does too, then you dont need anyone too. Thats how I feel. I have been married for 6 years and not once has my MIL complimented me in anything. I have got used to it as I dont expect it. Some people just dont like complimenting. However, I am totally opposite, if someome looks nice I do say they look nice etc..
Silsila, I know what you mean. I have seen it happen so often here among my friends. I don't have any nands and my saas is really, really nice and she has REALLY sophisticated taste in clothing. She's not the kind who compliments anyone alot, its not cuz shes jealous or anything because mA, herself she looks half her age, is gorgeous and very stylish, it's just that she's a bit reserved. Hubby and I used to joke that she is not a big talker. But she did compliment me alot after we got married, on my clothes, jewelry, etc, offering me to go into her room anytime to get shoes or jewelry to match with my outfits. While we were attending all the dawats, people would say so many nice things on my clothes, hair, etc etc. and soon after, she started doing it alot more too.. on what I wear or my cooking or anything I do. She doesn't go overboard with it though in the sense ke, hai hai mein sadkay jaoon or you know how women tend to say so much that it starts sounding fake. She has her own polite way of saying it. And since she is usually reserved with everyone, I know she means it well. She doesn't have daughters so I guess she's not used to it. Now we have alot of fun while getting ready to go somewhere, we share our jewelry collections, showing each other what would match, makeup, doing hair and all, we both ask each other what we should wear. And it's funny that now all the boys in the family (hubby, fil and bils) sit and watch us in amusement while we discuss which earrings / necklace/ shoes to wear with what. Like last time we had to go to a dawat, my youngest devar was delivering curling iron and lipstick and blush from my room to hers.. lol.
Ami123, I have two degress, and i work for the ministry of justice, i have worked really hard to get where I am, my mum, alone, has put us through education, so i never wanted her to pay for anything, despite her forcing money on me but i refused! my husband did the same.
shay my mum in law is also reserved, but to her credit she does compliment me when i am going to a davat and discusses what i am gna wear, my eldest sis in law also compliments me, but its so embarassing for my younger sis in laws when there husbands compliment me in front of there wives lol......that must really wind them up! when it came to my formal outfits which in laws were gna gift me, my MIL just gave me money and said get ur own pasand, which was cute of her and also my walima lengha/jewellery and all my husbands clothes!
