I assume we are all Muslims, as such, a woman is entitled to separate abode. Doesn’t have to be a mansion, can be hovel, but is her right none the less. Her husband shouldn’t be putting her in a position for her to get involved. Humans are allowed to have opinions, doesn’t mean you start sulking like a baby or become passive aggressive because your wife said something that stung you.
You guys that live in such scenarios where you have to mind your tongue and tread on egg shells, good luck with that!
She’s been married for years living in an environment where her in laws fight like cats and dogs - you don’t think her children are picking up on this? So her and her children should compromise on the way they should live and behave indefinitely just so her husband can fulfill his duties of being a diligent son? If this ever happens to my one and only sister, I tell you straight, I will go find two witnesses, and beg her husband to divorce her! Who wants to live in such a compromising environment for potentially decades on end.
My mum lived through this with her in-laws, 30+ years of daily fighting, being put down etc, even after doing khidmat. How did my mum handle it, diplomatically off course - "respect your elders, koi baat nai, etc. Me and my oldest brother created a scenario one day where we literally told our father to pick his educated jahil siblings and mother (not granddad, he was kool, RIP) or his wife and kids. Me and brother ended in one day what my mother couldn’t in 30 years of being nice, biting her tongue etc. Lifes to short.
You will have to do some kissing up and really understand that what was said and reported was no small thing. Your in-laws are nice people according to you - they’re really hurt right now. If I were you, I’d kick husband out from the middle of this for now and try to patch things up yourself with the in-laws. Show them that you didn’t mean it and it was truly said by mistake and you’re very sorry. Cook them dinner, clean their room or something to show them you’re trying to apologize. You have to…hurting someone like that is also gunah.
If I were you, I’d do my best to get my in-laws on my side. Your husband is a mama ka chamcha and he won’t listen to anything you say right now. No words of yours will have any affect on him so don’t bother.
The only way to fix things between you two is to get your MIL on your side. Be so good to her that she has no choice but to shame her son into treating you well. This is a long road but a permanent fix since you live with your in-laws. If you lived alone, things would be different.
And until then - ignore him. Its unacceptable to swear at your wife, to tell your mother personal marital details and do it all in front of his child. Unacceptable.
Your husband threw you under the bus to ingratiate himself with his parents. His parents made things worse by behaving like 5 year olds.
I terms of what you should do, be smart about it. And play along. Treat them like the 5 year olds that they are. Say nice coochy coo things that they would like to hear. Patao them.
Apologise to your in-laws when they seem calmer. Don’t keep asking your husband about it if he is showing attitude.
As for your husband, he is a different story altogether. Typical emotional abuse, abuser blaming the victim. Have some self respect because if he gets a pass this time, he will continue this attitude and will not respect you.
Tbh, I don’t know if talking to him will help as a man who goes and tells his mama about what goes on between him and his wife is literally disgusting!!
Badabing…make up your mind. You want OP to follow ur aggressive suggestion or pataao/manaao them?
Reason I ask is cuz youse is all over the place. You come in the threads and post your blunt suggestions…and then some member comes along and totally dismisses your views and calls you crazy and what not and you show support for their posts. You’re neither here nor there, lol.
would like to clear that not getting the gift was not the main issue, It was a small argument like we would normally have but things got heated up when he swore at me a couple of time. I am not a 17 year old , I have 2 kids and I believe if all the other mothers around the world get appreciated by being treated specially on Mother’s Day then so should I be treated.
I got my first mother’s day gift from my husband during my first pregnancy, that’s even before I became a mother, therefore, i was expecting a gift from him.
And I respect my in-laws right to keep to their private life and issues undisclosed but it’s affecting my life or my relationship with my husband in any way then i do have to right to give my opinion. I noticed my husband being disturbed and worried about his parents issues so I gave in my option because I spend more time with them at home than he does, He studies and he works.
lol, the ones I tend to like are posts where I agree with parts of what has been posted, not necessarily all of what has been posted. I think the only time I have backtracked on a view I have expressed (and I have some strong views!) is when I suggested violence, which in hindsight, considering the world has has gone feminist beta crazy, wasn’t the best of ways to express my opinion. As far as being called crazy, meh, fine line between crazy and brilliant! Tis the beauty of life that people have different opinions.
Maybe my approach is a bit aggressive, ok scratch that, is definitely aggressive, but a softly softly approach doesn’t get you anywhere unless you’re a politician. The OP isn’t respected as evident by her husbands passive aggressive behavior. Me personally, I’m abrupt and to the point - sometimes to my detriment, but it is what it is. When I need to eat humble pie, I have no issue doing so.
The OP needs to do what she feels is best, carry on as is - grovelling to her husband for expressing an opinion or understand that as a human being, she has the right an opinion without having her head bitten off. There’s a reason why Islam advocates separate living quarters for your wife - one is that such scenarios as the OP don’t occur. There comes a time in a mans life that he has to cut the cord strings from his mama and papa, preferably before marriage. Any opinion shared between spouses that is private shouldn’t be bought up in conversation with a parent without explicit permission. Just my two cents! Each to their own!
Thanks to all the guppies for giving me good advice. I did apologize to my in-laws with my heart and they are now happy with me. However, I do know that I gotta work really hard to get their trust and respect back. As for my husband, he did not say a word to defend me, but I realized it was my fault, I was the one who uttered those words regardless to what the circumstances were and Im glad I did not have to rely on him to ask my in-laws for forgiveness. You guys pray for me that Allah swt also forgives me and clears my in-laws’s heart for me. I feel 100 times lighter now and I am so glad I discussed my problem here. I hope my husband realizes his part of mistake and apologizes to me too. When I told my father in law that he kept swearing at me, he replied saying “wo to mard hai, mard to bohat much kehte hain” but he did say that what husband did is really wrong too and will speak with him in private
I have to agree with badabing on this one. Husband was an oaf.
But let the lesson be learnt. No point in criticizing the in laws when they aren’t directly attacking you. Husband wife fight - thats their problem. Has nothing to do with you not getting a gift for Mother’s Day.
And yes he should get you a gift but that’s if he is a real man and not an overgrown kid.
Wow I am witnessing almost a similar household except that the bahu sahiba gives a flying rat’s **** after all the unreasonable swearing she did on daily basis directly with the MIL and FIL and even swearing at her husband.
You are too good to realise your mistake and the need to work towards making the environment better. As for your husband, you realised your mistake and are working on amending it. He needs to realise that and you need to ignore him till then while you make things better and normal with rest of the people in the house.
About mother’s day, you have been rewarded by Allah for being a mother yourself Alhumdulillah. One day of roses or cheeky teddies or a meal shouldnt be a reason to make you feel unappreciated
I agree with badabing. There ARE fitnah women who make life of a husband, sons, bahaus, daughters, the whole family soo miserable that a whole generation is scarred badly. One timely beating could have solved it years back if talking out and polite advice didnt work. The men need to grow up and control the woman in time. Badabing has been through it so he/she is talking accordingly. I am NOT generalising this but I have witnessed such women and feel sorry for whole family for being in a living hell because of one out-of-control aurat.
^ believe me, NOTHING works with some people. I have seen mils who have a sudden attack of high BP, hypoglycemia, passing out in public and what not as soon as they are confronted with anything esp by the son or husband. “Mainay iss din kay liay sari zindagi tumhayn parhaya .. maa ko zaleel kar rahay ho?” And a long list of taking everyone in family on a guilt trip. No one can utter a word in front of them
