what advice would you give to a girl who’s trapped in a marriage with a physically and extremely verabal abusive husband. Her father’s passed away and she is an only child, so no brothers or sisters. Cant run away to her old and widowed mother, also cant involve other relatives and they wont provide much support. Has two children under 5, husband threatens to kill her and harm her mother / any relatives who try to help. She is educated, has started working and while financially she might just be able to survive without husband, socially it would be extremely difficult. This is pakistan we are talking about, so reporting to police etc isnt an option. If she asks for divorce he threatens to take the children, and we all know about the court cases in pakistan…the custody battles could get v long and dirty, she is trying to avoid that:
1.what advise can we give her to survive in this situation for a few more years at least, until the kids are older or she has more savings.
2. Does anyone know of any trusted organizations, people who help women in such situations??
3. Any other advice???
Re: surviving in abusive relationship
what advice would you give to a girl who's trapped in a marriage with a physically and extremely verabal abusive husband. Her father's passed away and she is an only child, so no brothers or sisters. Cant run away to her old and widowed mother, also cant involve other relatives and they wont provide much support. Has two children under 5, husband threatens to kill her and harm her mother / any relatives who try to help. She is educated, has started working and while financially she might just be able to survive without husband, socially it would be extremely difficult. This is pakistan we are talking about, so reporting to police etc isnt an option. If she asks for divorce he threatens to take the children, and we all know about the court cases in pakistan....the custody battles could get v long and dirty, she is trying to avoid that: 1.what advise can we give her to survive in this situation for a few more years at least, until the kids are older or she has more savings. 2. Does anyone know of any trusted organizations, people who help women in such situations?? 3. Any other advice???
Thats a very sad story, what about other people from her in-law side, and does she belong to family where people start killing . And what behavior of that man with his kids, is that guy stable with his job. Is he involved in any other bad, criminal, social activity. I am asking all this because in order to help her out one must know all about the situation otherwise one slight mistake can become nightmare for her
Re: surviving in abusive relationship
What kind of work she does?
I mean financialy how supportive it can b?
How much that husband kind of thing earns?
Re: surviving in abusive relationship
Cant help much. Not an expert in Pakistan situation. Can only offer best wishes to the lady.
Re: surviving in abusive relationship
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Re: surviving in abusive relationship
Ansar Burni gives legal help to people in need.
I don’t have any personal experience with him but have heard only good about him. I would suggest that she takes help from an NGO like this one because getting a lawyer and all will cost her alot.
If she wants a place to live she can go to Edhi’s shelter they give a place to live with all necessities to women and children in trouble.
Socially aspect , most people would treat her as if she is diseased but it is not really wise to think about “log kiya kahain gy” at the moment when she thinks that her life is in danger or if she is getting abused . Abuse be it physical or mental has very damaging effect on one’s life and upon children’s life.
It’s a tough situation esp when does not have a man’s support and she is in Pakistan but so many women have got out of such marriages and are leading successful lives. She just need to gather all necessary weapons before she makes the move of leaving him.
Re: surviving in abusive relationship
What kind of work she does? I mean financialy how supportive it can b? How much that husband kind of thing earns?
he was making good money when they got married, left soon afterwards to start his own business, but its been years and nothing has materialised. She dosent care anymore. She is working towards a training programme that will increase her earnings susbtantially but it will take a year.... He is always been very tight with money and things are worse off now
Re: surviving in abusive relationship
he was making good money when they got married, left soon afterwards to start his own business, but its been years and nothing has materialised. She dosent care anymore. She is working towards a training programme that will increase her earnings susbtantially but it will take a year.... He is always been very tight with money and things are worse off now
was he good with her when h was making good money? what kind of things he usausly gets angry on, i mean his mood, is it constant? does he ask her cheap questions?
Re: surviving in abusive relationship
he has never been generous with money but things are worse off now.... But he did buy her a car( used ) though so she could drive to work
in laws say its ur problem u handle is yourselves and y should we talk to him and tell him anythning, he is an adult, he should know better
Re: surviving in abusive relationship
he has never been generous with money but things are worse off now.... But he did buy her a car( used ) though so she could drive to work in laws say its ur problem u handle is yourselves and y should we talk to him and tell him anythning, he is an adult, he should know better
The in laws sound like if they were not even in favor of this marriage, was that the case, is this a love marriage
Re: surviving in abusive relationship
sumone close in the in law family who is a doctor suggested she take him to a psychiatrist and as he has symptoms of BPD, but he was very resistant to taking any medication.
Re: surviving in abusive relationship
cant say wether in laws were in favour of the marriage or not, but they have always acted very strangely, his mother never treats him like a son and has never even shown any affection towards the grandchildren...!!
It seems like they knew about his problems and want to keep as away from him as possible
Re: surviving in abusive relationship
the guy seems to be out of control, all this remind me of someone in my neighborhood well known for his disturbing behaviors with everyone, his family made him married just in hope he will change after marriage but it turned out to be a tragedy with the girl he married. Almost every other day screaming was heard from the house. Somehow a miracle happened, he somehow went to some igtama (i think it was of Maulana Tariq Jameel) after that he started to change now he is much better person. But all that depends on luck and Allah’s will. Hope things change for her too and she live happily.
Re: surviving in abusive relationship
i feel like he is frustrated about his financial situation thats why he react like this and he dont find anyone else to shout on except his wife.
Re: surviving in abusive relationship
then i should seriously consider sending my neighbour to maulana tariq jameel somehow!!!..same story!!!
Re: surviving in abusive relationship
She can get help of a NGO..TRUST Me that works much better than reporting to Police, as you have mentioned yourself.
Re: surviving in abusive relationship
Maulana tariq jameel :)
countless men and women are coming to the right path because of his speeches, may Allah bless him (Aameen)
Re: surviving in abusive relationship
No use going to any NGO ...
I think take him to a psychiatrist .. or visit herself to a psychiatrist and get help. This is very very disturbing. I feel so sorry, no abbu, no brother ... that man is cruel ...
I dont know the other side of the story but getting physically and verbally abusive is no way to treat anyone ..
She can get help of a NGO..TRUST Me that works much better than reporting to Police, as you have mentioned yourself.