^ very good question. I have three brothers, and my father passed away 20 years ago. I supported my mom before i got married. And continued once i got married for the first year, but when the baby arrived, by husband decided that my mom has three son's and her daughter doesn't need to support her anymore. I disagreed greatly...but had to shutup since we needed to cut back for the baby. I plan to restart supporting my mother a little...but for a little while will have to let her son take care of her.
This is what I mean when I say it can cause resentment. A wife who has no brothers and sees her parents working their whole lives yet she supports her retired in-laws completely and it is considered to be her duty. She is not able to support her own parents because all her salary goes into supporting her household, which also includes her inlaws. Her own parents never require financial help because they don’t want to burden their daughters and die the last moment working! Huge cause for resentment.
^It's certainly NOT a problem if you are able to. Hell, I have been doing it since the day I got married. I have no problems. I love the fact that I am able to do it because I don't do anything else at all. I am strictly a working woman. Like you said, different situations, different ways to deal
^It's certainly NOT a problem if you are able to. Hell, I have been doing it since the day I got married. I have no problems. I love the fact that I am able to do it because I don't do anything else at all. I am strictly a working woman. Like you said, different situations, different ways to deal
of course ability is a prerequisite. What I meant was that there should not be any bad consequences for doing that.
But there are! not so much for the in-laws but for the person supporting them. I think resentment is the right word to use.
one should not do it if they are not fully on board and are OK with it. Whats the point doing it and then becoming a sorry figure effecting others in family too?
as for resentment, I have seen people getting worked up supporting their own mothers and fathers too. So yeah you can find them all...they are all in this world.
one should not do it if they are not fully on board and are OK with it. Whats the point doing it and then becoming a sorry figure effecting others in family too?
Some people have no choice. They are probably pressured to do so by the spouse or other family. I wouldn't judge them.
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as for resentment, I have seen people getting worked up supporting their own mothers and fathers too. So yeah you can find them all...they are all in this world.
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This is what I mean when I say it can cause resentment. A wife who has no brothers and sees her parents working their whole lives yet she supports her retired in-laws completely and it is considered to be her duty. She is not able to support her own parents because all her salary goes into supporting her household, which also includes her inlaws. Her own parents never require financial help because they don't want to burden their daughters and die the last moment working! Huge cause for resentment.
Exactly! I never understood why in desi culture it's frowned upon if you have a baby daughter over a son, because Allah ke fazl se my parents never treated me differently from my brothers and ensured our house is equal. After getting married... it all made sense :( women are expected to integrate to such an extent into the susraal that their own parents are forgotten about. Why isn't the man expected to integrate to the same level? If the bahu has to serve her in-laws all day in her capacity as a housewife, why isn't the damaad expected to financially support his in-laws as a son-in-law? Why is there such unfair expectations on women?!
Exactly! I never understood why in desi culture it's frowned upon if you have a baby daughter over a son, because Allah ke fazl se my parents never treated me differently from my brothers and ensured our house is equal. After getting married... it all made sense :( women are expected to integrate to such an extent into the susraal that their own parents are forgotten about. Why isn't the man expected to integrate to the same level? If the bahu has to serve her in-laws all day in her capacity as a housewife, why isn't the damaad expected to financially support his in-laws as a son-in-law? Why is there such unfair expectations on women?!
Supporting is fine and should be done too. The prob starts when the couple is stück in a 2 bedroom apartment and saving every penny. while inlaws are having lavish parties and buying big cars
Supporting is fine and should be done too. The prob starts when the couple is stück in a 2 bedroom apartment and saving every penny. while inlaws are having lavish parties and buying big cars
This actually is the basic problem with desis. Support when needed is one thing, but having to give because that's what sons do and why should a DIL live comfortably?
I understand that typically sons had to take care of their parents financially and otherwise, but these days BOTH men and women work (in the west you need two incomes unless hubby makes good money) so why is that we STILL have the notion in our heads that the son has to take care of his parents? What about parents who only have two daughters? Do they not get taken care of cuz "awww becharay they do not have a son." Off course not! Daughters these days DO take care of their parents. That is the difference between the baby boomer generation and Generation Y. We don't adhere to these backward ways of thinking.
I think it is ridiculous that people still say to me "Inshallah the next one will be a boy." I literally cringe inside.
No, Inshallah there will even be a next one and Allah knows best what it should be. I would be DELIGHTED if I had another girl.
^ Being Homemaker (specially raising kids) is a full time job (with unpaid overtime) mostly so salary that guy brings home should be distributed evenly such case and then wife can help her parents from that.
^ Not all women with kids are homemakers and the ones that are do not stay homemakers forever. Once all the kids are in school or once they are all old enough....MOST homemakers WILL go back to work at some point. They can help their parents with their own income.
This is what I mean when I say it can cause resentment. A wife who has no brothers and sees her parents working their whole lives yet she supports her retired in-laws completely and it is considered to be her duty. She is not able to support her own parents because all her salary goes into supporting her household, which also includes her inlaws. Her own parents never require financial help because they don't want to burden their daughters and die the last moment working! Huge cause for resentment.
Some women have this resentment even if the are not working and not supporting in laws.
How many parents of a son would be okay with knowing that their son needs to support his inlaws. They don't have to know but if they do I imagine it would not sit well with many. It SHOULD be equal. DIL lives and supports her inlaws (financially or though housework) and a husband should be able to support his wife's family as well, at least in time of need but I don't think it works out that way all the time. My uncle passed away with only two daughters and that's one thing my cousin has to be particular about when looking for rishtas and stuff, someone who will be okay with his wife supporting her mother because there are no brothers. One or two guys she spoke to straight up said that probably wouldn't work out for them. It's kind of shocking when you see the way people think. Double standard for sure.
How many parents of a son would be okay with knowing that their son needs to support his inlaws. They don't have to know but if they do I imagine it would not sit well with many. It SHOULD be equal. DIL lives and supports her inlaws (financially or though housework) and a husband should be able to support his wife's family as well, at least in time of need but I don't think it works out that way all the time. My uncle passed away with only two daughters and that's one thing my cousin has to be particular about when looking for rishtas and stuff, someone who will be okay with his wife supporting her mother because there are no brothers. One or two guys she spoke to straight up said that probably wouldn't work out for them. It's kind of shocking when you see the way people think. Double standard for sure.
That is exactly the double standard I am talking about. Thank you!