Supporting inlaws financially

I don’t mean your spouse supporting his/her own parents. I am talking about Son-in-laws and daughter-in-laws supporting inlaws. Do you do it? If so, how much and does it cause problems in your marriage?

Re: Supporting inlaws financially

I am single myself but I don't see a problem if one does that i.e. dil/sil.
Doing sadqa is sunnah and its preferable to give it to relatives.
When it comes to supporting inlaws, greater care must be taken as relationship is very sensitive

Re: Supporting inlaws financially

I know people where the in-laws are living in the husband's home. In one of these cases the wife has a really good job and she mostly supports them with it however the husband also does a lot for them. In the other case the husband is fully supporting the in-laws and the wife is a homemaker. It is really hard for him as he does not make so much money but he is making it work. This takes a special type of spouse, it is very difficult to do for the long term unless you are wealthy.

Re: Supporting inlaws financially

^I wonder if there is resentment brewing on either side due to it. Does the husband in your example support his own parents as well?

Re: Supporting inlaws financially

Yes the husband supports his parents also but they are living with his older brother.

For us (husband and I) there isnt the concept of you support you family and I support mine.
Both sets of families are both of our responsibility. We also pool our financial resources so there isnt the your mony vs my money discussion (frankly gs was the first place I ever heard of married couples keeps finances separated)
Yes I support my in laws financially. For now my parents are not in need of financial support but if that time comes, I know my husband wont think twice about supporting them.
There is no resentment in this. They are family. If not us then who?

Re: Supporting inlaws financially

^same here. The reason I am asking this is because this seems to be an odd arrangement and I don't hear about it at all.

Re: Supporting inlaws financially

We are not in that position yet as both mine and my husband's parents still have money to support themselves. If and when that time comes where they need the financial support, I am fine with helping out (as long as we can afford it).

I am in no way against helping parents financially or even in-laws for that matter if they truly need the help (have no savings left and no source of income whatsoever), however, where I see an issue is when the parents still have their own money but insist on being taken care of financially by their adult children who also have a family of their own and expenses (mortgage, kids etc.).

Re: Supporting inlaws financially

Husband supports his mum and younger brothers as his father died about 20 years ago. When his youngest brother was only 4 and he himself was only 15.

He sees his siblings as his own children. sometimes I think he does more for them than me and the kids but then the way I see it is that he had a very good upbringing and never wanted for anything, n he just wants the same for his siblings. I think the easiest way to deal with it is if u imagine or if your own family was ever in that situation then how would u deal with it? U would want to help out as much as u can.

Re: Supporting inlaws financially

If they are in need why not? why would it cause a problem in marriage? :konfused:

Re: Supporting inlaws financially

It can certainly cause problems. Only those who have done it know it is difficult.

Re: Supporting inlaws financially

if you love your in-laws the way your spouse loves them [and you should] and there is a genuine need for supporting them then who spends money shouldn't be an issue. the support [be it financial, emotional or moral] is the most important thing here which inculcates love, respect and care between them.

this is what Islam teaches us.

Re: Supporting inlaws financially

Trust me its not

Re: Supporting inlaws financially

^trust me it is. :mocking:

Re: Supporting inlaws financially

It is OK to give them investment advice.

Re: Supporting inlaws financially

Well! I think if they are in genuinely in need then it’s always best to support them, I always prefer to help my initial family in needs rather helping outsider. But no matter how strong understanding couple are, it’s not easy to deal with this subject. Like for example. I work full time. My husband bear all household expenses. My monthly full salary goes into our saving accounts.

Now he supports his family back home on monthly basis. Specific amount is sent without a delay. Since I also have a share of my saving in it as well.I am fine with it! Dispute comes when my family (Parent & sibling) gets in need. I always prefer to hid and support. Not because my husband will be against . But this is just to keep their respect alive. I think Pakistani husband are not still ready to anticipate this. This is still consider as norm in 99% of families in Pakistan.

Re: Supporting inlaws financially

In an ideal world I would love to be comfortable enough with my in-laws to be in ehl-e-chamman’s situation. But I don’t have nice in-laws, so I’m not.

The way I see it is quite simple: in our desi culture, if the bahu is expected to do khidmat and take care of her in-laws if they’re living with her/when they visit; then similarly I would expect the damaad to care for his in-laws financially in the same way he does for his own parents. It’s a two-way street. Theoretically. Unfortunately in reality I know of little cases where this actually happens. The bahu ends up caring for both sets of parents, while the damaad only has one set of parents in his eyes; the other are his ‘auntie and uncle’ he has to occasionally visit out of formality. That’s the double standards I hate in our culture :grumpy:

Re: Supporting inlaws financially

My father is second among three brothers. Both his elder and younger brothers are uneducated and not as hardworking/responsible as they should have been, hence remained jobless or kept on doing blue collar jobs their entire lives. As a result their families were always in trouble and for a long period of time, father had to support not only us but one or both of his brothers' families as well. I never saw my mother complaining about it.

We had two dadis as well, both used to live with us mostly and ammi had no problem with that either. In fact all three women jelled quite well together.

Re: Supporting inlaws financially

Its the reverse in my family. Since the passing of my father in law we support the in-laws and my parents are not in need yet but when they are my wife is okay with supporting them. The only thing that's different from you is that there is only one salary coming in.

Re: Supporting inlaws financially

So who decides when one set of in-laws is ‘genuinely’ in need? And by what parameters??? :hmmm: