stupid old me!

[HappyGoLucky]

Re: stupid old me!

@nadz123

I KNOW all this.

So why do i get so annoyed if he doesnt talk to me the way i want, if he doesnt spend mosty of his time with me, if he says the smallest critical thing i get all pent up and furious, and ignore him like the plague, only to then run over to him when my moods better. it may all boil down to the fact that i dont wish to live in pakistan and so im utilising everything thrown at me, or beside me…even the smallest thing, like when we were moving to pak i told him that the room given to us when we got married should still be our room as my jahaiz stuff was there etc and it was more convenient etc..however thats his sisters permanent room, and she made a fuss, and so we got another room…i also said it wouldbt be fair to kick his parents out their own room in order for us to their room and they move to another one..bblahhhh

anyway now 2months later, we are moving into my original room, and for the reasons i previously said, so why didnt je just listen to me back then and convince his sister- but he had merely said it twice nicely…obv she reufsed. thing is im fed up of saying the right things, but no one listening, and then whatever i said happens later, and rather than saying oh nadz u were right…they dont.

i feel valueless, just someones biwi, someones mother, someones daughter…i have responsibilties for others, but obv none for myself, to keep me happy…i feel like im always angry, always one step ahead of him,thinking too much and easily annoyed. i feel like hes so used to seeing me in tears that its another day for him when im crying. i feel like i need to want to take drastic steps for his attention in the way i want, if he annoys me alittle i want to pack my bags and leave- not really leave-but just to show him i can…to make him value me…he probably does, its not enough.

Hey Nadz! Let me tell you the other side of the story. I have a very friendly & strong bond with my brother too. We have many things in common and have lots of fun and cute bro-sis times when we are together. I too had the insecurity that what if my bhabi to be comes out different and doesnt really let me spend time with him or maybe would alter my relation with her. But no! what she did, and i salute her for this, was she made me her best friend. She did everything possible to let things as they were. She would go shopping with me, ask me for an opinion on every single cloth she would wear, what jewellery to go with which dress, before going for the honeymoon she and i both sat down and decided her clothes for each of the 10 days, we selected wedding photographs together, we bopught gifts for my brother together, we cooked together, I even cleaned her room with her, if my brother was out of city i would sleep with her and we would talk all night, we sms each other every single day. She made sure I was given the priority. If ever i wanted something, she made sure my brother got it. E.g. i wanted to change my mobile and i just said it once but she kept pinging my brother for it till he got it for me. When he and i were together, we would have our cute bro-sis talks & cuddles and just sweet stuff. She never made faces, instead she became part of them. She started participating in those jokes, laughing on them etc. She takes pictures with us, kisses, cuddles all that like she would do to any of her own siblings. Masha Allah

The key was - she participated in every single thing of the house! she gave my parents time, she made them tea, food what ever, she talked to them, she discussed clothes or other family stuff with my mother. In no time, she took our love! Now we cant imagine the house without her. I dont know when my someone-i-merely-knew became my bhabi then my friend and now my sister. Masha Allah! Masha Allah! My famiyl is great to her but i’d give more credit to her for working hard on her relationships. Never has there been a day she complained. She took control over everything by showing interest. This is just an example you can learn from.

I think you have to work hard on your relation with your nand and your parents-in-law. From what i am seeing fromyour threads is that you arent really doing anything extra that would make you part of the gang. Suggest things like - aunty chalain aj hum donone shopping chalte hain, aunty aj nameyourbaby did this cute thing, with your nund talk about her interests.. if its make up tell her good brands, good stuff, show her your clothes etc. This way you willa ctually have more people to talk to and enjoy with. You wouldnt be complaining all the time, plus you wouldnt even make your husband go crazy. Try and take initiatives and dont hesitate too much. Your marriage has already been for quite a while that they would judge you much for what you are doing so just go ahead do stuff - Cook! talk! Discuss! shop! watch movies! do everything with your in-laws.