Is it normal to feel jealous or annoyed at your spouses closeness or his banter with his sister/|?
Hes always chatting to her, shes his only and younger sister, but i would prefer he didnt have that with her, and only with me..i know it sounds mad, but its a feeling i have. he doesnt talk to me with the same affection in front of others, but with her, he would laugh and joke around, it gets on my nerves. i understand that most husbands dont go around showing affection to their wives infront of others-such as massaging her, giving her a kiss( forehead?) or just holding her hand, but they can show affection to their siblings?
what annoys me most if i say i want to go get icecream/clothes/go out whatever- he will say `ok in 10 mins/ok in 1 hour/ not now, later/after this match/etc etc
if his sis says same thing- he pretty much gets up there and then…( ok so he needs to be pushed, but if she pushes him he doesnt respond in the same way as he would if i push him)
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
he needs to only talk to me…wish i could stop him from being so cosey with her and his mother…:*
He would seriously listen to you and respect you more if you grew up a bit and stopped being so competitive and childish.
ACT like a bhabi, and then be treated one like too...if your acting like a spoilt, insecure jealous wife then it won't do your marriage many favours. Show your husband that your above all this pettiness and open your heart a little. SO WHAT if he's got this bond with his sister, I mean they grew up together. You guys didn't so of course your bond is different. Don't be jealous as your only gonna eat yourself up alive, it's a self destructive emotion, clear your heart and become a more giving, loving open wife and he will always respect you and love you more for that.
He would seriously listen to you and respect you more if you grew up a bit and stopped being so competitive and childish.
ACT like a bhabi, and then be treated one like too...if your acting like a spoilt, insecure jealous wife then it won't do your marriage many favours. Show your husband that your above all this pettiness and open your heart a little. SO WHAT if he's got this bond with his sister, I mean they grew up together. You guys didn't so of course your bond is different. Don't be jealous as your only gonna eat yourself up alive, it's a self destructive emotion, clear your heart and become a more giving, loving open wife and he will always respect you and love you more for that.
Nadz.. i have seen one guy who loves his younger sister. He is like a father figure for her. And what does his wife do?? She is friend friend of his sister now.. she gives her so much love and respect that in return guy gives his wife more love and respect. Every relationship is give and take. If you give some space to your husband and his sister you will definitely get reward in return. he will be more loving and caring towards you. Make his sister your best friend. Spend quality time with her. When they are planning to go out, get excited with them suggest new places and enjoy that outing with them. After some time you will notice how much your husband changes towards you and cares about you. Don't be so possessive about him. It will irritate him nothing else.
So why do i get so annoyed if he doesnt talk to me the way i want, if he doesnt spend mosty of his time with me, if he says the smallest critical thing i get all pent up and furious, and ignore him like the plague, only to then run over to him when my moods better. it may all boil down to the fact that i dont wish to live in pakistan and so im utilising everything thrown at me, or beside me...even the smallest thing, like when we were moving to pak i told him that the room given to us when we got married should still be our room as my jahaiz stuff was there etc and it was more convenient etc..however thats his sisters permanent room, and she made a fuss, and so we got another room.....i also said it wouldbt be fair to kick his parents out their own room in order for us to their room and they move to another one..bblahhhh
anyway now 2months later, we are moving into my originalroom, and for the reasons i previously said, so why didnt je just listen to me back then and convince his sister- but he had merely said it twice nicely...obv she reufsed. thing is im fed up of saying the right things, but no one listening, and then whatever i said happens later, and rather than sayingoh nadz u were right...they dont.
i feel valueless, just someones biwi, someones mother, someones daughter....i have responsibilties for others, but obv none for myself, to keep me happy.....i feel like im always angry, always one step ahead of him,thinking too much and easily annoyed. i feel like hes so used to seeing me in tears that its another day for him when im crying. i feel like i need to want to take drastic steps for his attention in the way i want, if he annoys me alittle i want to pack my bags and leave- not really leave-but just to show him i can.....to make him value me....he probably does, its not enough.
Nadz.. i have seen one guy who loves his younger sister. He is like a father figure for her. And what does his wife do?? She is friend friend of his sister now.. she gives her so much love and respect that in return guy gives his wife more love and respect. Every relationship is give and take. If you give some space to your husband and his sister you will definitely get reward in return. he will be more loving and caring towards you. Make his sister your best friend. Spend quality time with her. When they are planning to go out, get excited with them suggest new places and enjoy that outing with them. After some time you will notice how much your husband changes towards you and cares about you. Don't be so possessive about him. It will irritate him nothing else.
shes my age, and hes 1 yr older than me....how can i do this with her....we are just not that compatible..shes not a child.shes 25.
also shes the one that lives here, she has friends....im the new one, i need friends. she doesnt need me and its clear. yes shes nice enough, but not friendly. im more friendly with my BIL but its not the same as being friendly with her....we do stuff like borrown each others makeup, but its only when we ask....i cant just walk into her room and use her eyeliner....not that free with her. shes too old and set in her ways to want to start any sort of deeper relationship with her bhabi, i did try talking to her alot, and i even bought her stuff last time was here, but nothing happened from that...no appreciation no oooh bhabi thanku..nothing, so im not here to make friends with everyone. we get along fine but not friendssss.....plus shes getting married end of tis year.
I do feel sorry for you that your living in a place that's not your own territory as such. Ideally we are different people when we are living alone with our spouses, I bet he felt a tab bit of what you are feeling when you guys lived at your mums?
Thing is, try and encourage him to come back in a few years for your kids education etc. Also get your own life and friends so that your not crazy dependant on him. Are you allowed to drive etc? Work? I mean you have a masters from the UK, that's gotta count for something. Focus on getting a good job somewhere so that you have something to do. The devil plays with the idle mind, you have literally no life, no social life and nothing to look forward to that's why you are hating it there and I don't blame you.
I'm sure there are female gyms there, I mean my idea of Pak is, it's pretty liberal and when I go, I can pretty much do everything I do here in the UK.
Also, don't fall over your feet to please people, do as much as they do...just don't tell your husband off about how he is with his sister as that would piss anyone off....be it husband or wife...
nadz your situation reminds me of mine some years back. When we got engaged we discussed where to live as we were from different countries. As my SIL was getting divorced when we were getting married it kind of overshadowed our happy occassion. A lot happened back then that made me feel that she is more important than me but I kept quiet for very long. then stuff happened that made my hubby realize that SIL has been behaving very self centric which made it much easier for him to set limits with her than me trying to make him realize things....
in ur situation I think u might be exagerating a bit. so what if he takes her out, shows affection to her etc? after all its his sis!! what u should worry about is ur relationship with him, your own well being and your babys well being!!!
I know how it is to move to a new country, not having any friends or anyone to rely on...but hey u r an educated woman. why sit home and nag?why wait for opportunities to knock at your door? check out the area u live in and get out and meet new people...go to the gym, swimming, ladies clubs etc.....its gonna take some time before you meet someone u really click with...
why not contact your local British council and participate in their local projects? that way you will meet British people and also be involved in some local activity.
I have spent loads of time trying to make new friends here and believe me it has been really difficult cus they dont need me.they have their own circles of friends..I am the new one...and it has taken me long time to meet ppl that I click with and after 4 yrs I am still in the process of fining good friends!!!!
stop nagging, and get out of the house a few hours a day and meet new ppl!!
we are coming back-in 4 years. for the babies education.
i am visitng next year....woohoooo.
but.
im still here in the meantime and each day feels like ayear.
im in peshwar,so cant just go out and meet people/theres no way anyone can, unless your used to the lifestyle here, and no one not even his own family just go out...they need a car and a man to drive...even then we dnt just drive around, its the shops/grocey store and back..
btw...just to put things into perspective..my SIL is someone who didnt even bother to visit me when I was hospitalized or when I was sent home just before a weekend when she actually could come over..instead her son was at our place recently for a few days so we could look after him and send him to school etc. she didnt pay much attention to my condition but only thought of her own needs..anyways i still havent complained to my husband despite being hormonal and dissappointed over her non-chalant behaviour...
sometimes u just have to ignore other people and only focus on urself and ur marriage!
Peshawar? oh man!!!! well than you need to figure out what acticities that make you feel happy while being at home..learn a new language online, knitting, sewing, writting..there is a variety to choose from!!!
Nadz I know it's a little awkward to say this for a husband wife relationship but why do you want so much of attention from him ? You know this attitude will only make you look small and needy and dependent upon others. Being a woman I know you have a lot of expectations from your husband but everything in your life needs not to revolve around him. You have a baby masha allah and I don't know with a baby that young how much time you have in your hands to think about all these issues. Watch Tv , read books , spend fun time with your baby , decorate your room , go to a beauty saloon and get some pedi and mani done . Remember in the long run you will be his family his sister will ultimately get married and have a family of her own. Thora dil bara karo and do some sabar. I know moving from one country to another is not easy and this sudden family set up change is not easy either but you can't run away from these things.
Peshawar? oh man!!!! well than you need to figure out what acticities that make you feel happy while being at home..learn a new language online, knitting, sewing, writting..there is a variety to choose from!!!
Is it normal to feel jealous or annoyed at your spouses closeness or his banter with his sister/|?
Hes always chatting to her, shes his only and younger sister, but i would prefer he didnt have that with her, and only with me..i know it sounds mad, but its a feeling i have. he doesnt talk to me with the same affection in front of others, but with her, he would laugh and joke around, it gets on my nerves. i understand that most husbands dont go around showing affection to their wives infront of others-such as massaging her, giving her a kiss( forehead?) or just holding her hand, but they can show affection to their siblings?
what annoys me most if i say i want to go get icecream/clothes/go out whatever- he will say `ok in 10 mins/ok in 1 hour/ not now, later/after this match/etc etc
if his sis says same thing- he pretty much gets up there and then.....( ok so he needs to be pushed, but if she pushes him he doesnt respond in the same way as he would if i push him)
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
he needs to only talk to me....wish i could stop him from being so cosey with her and his mother....:*
Do you want your future DIL doing all this to you or your daughter. Or are you going to be ok if your bhabhi makes sure, your bro doesnt talks to you, is extremely reserved with you, and never gets anything for you?
Honestly, you are creating problems for your own self.